More Than A Feeling
by XxMatter of NeedxX
Summary: One careless night was all it took for Suze Simon to find herself pregnant with Paul Slater's baby. When he tells her to get rid of it, best friend Jesse de Silva promises to always be there for her and the baby...no matter what.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Heyy all Me and my coauthor decided to create a new name, our old one was TruRoswellian, just in case you wanted to know, but anyways, we actually got the idea of this story from a challenge for another show, but immediately we thought it would be better in Mediator world…so we really hope you like

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters in Mediator…sadly

Chapter One

"Susie, are you ok?" I hear my mother ask from outside of the bathroom, her voice concerned. Oh sure, mom, I'm fine. I'm just puking up last night's dinner.

"Yeah mom...I'm just not feeling well. I'll be out in a few, don't worry about me, I'll just take some Maalox or something," I say back, groaning as I feel another wave of nausea hit me.

"Ok well...Brad's leaving soon and you know how he hates it when you hold him up," my mom says before I hear her retreating footsteps.

I simply groan again, wondering how my life could have taken a complete 360 in the last two days. It started when I noticed that I was late. Late for what you ask? You know...THAT.

Yeah. Not the greatest feeling in the world, let me tell you. So I think maybe it's just stress because, you know, graduation's coming up soon and my boyfriend (Paul Slater, the love of my life) is leaving for Brown...so, I'm pretty stressed.

But then, and this is the best part, so listen up, I get up yesterday morning and I immediately have to make a beeline for my bathroom as I feel more nauseous than I even thought possible.

But then, right after that, all I wanted to do was eat Snickers. I told this to my best friend Cee Cee and she said, "Suze? You don't even LIKE Snickers!" and she's right! I don't! What the hell is wrong with me??

So there I was in health, my least favorite class of...well ever, and it hits me...oh my god, I'm pregnant!

Yeah...pregnant. Barely eighteen, not even out of high school, and I'm pregnant. Well, I don't know for sure, but I'm about 99.9 sure.

Now, as I wipe my mouth and quickly swallow about half the bottle of cherry flavored Maalox that's sitting on my counter, I grab my books and run to get to the car before Brad decides to leave without me. Oh, I guess it's about time I told you about myself, isn't it?

I'm sorry I got a little ahead of myself before. My name's Suze Simon. Short for Susannah, but only my best friend Jesse can call me that. Oh and you call me Susie and you DIE.

That nickname has been taken by my mother, unfortunately so. I hate it, it makes me seem like some prissy little girl, and I am DEFINITELY not that.

When I was six, my father died and my mom remarried, making me move with her to Carmel, California where I met my three best friends Cee Cee Webb, Jesse de Silva and Adam McTavish. Oh and Paul Slater, the love of my life.

I didn't meet him, though, until about two years ago, at the end of my sophomore year, but I fell in love with him from the first sight.

It's been a little bit of a rocky road since he's the hottest guy in our class but I know that when his dazzling blue eyes shine, they shine for me.

Well, I bet you're guessing by now that we have done the deed, so I'll answer your suspicions. Yes, we did. It happened at the winter formal last year for the first time.

I'm not gonna go into detail, but ever since that night we've been inseparable. Attached at the hip. And, let me tell you, that's just fine with me.

The only thing that makes me regret getting together with Paul is the fact that I haven't been spending as much time with my friends, Jesse in particular.

Jesse is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. No one could ever be as good a friend as he is. I can always count on him to be there for me when I need him.

We met in 4th grade, but we weren't really best friends until his father died in the 7th grade. Before that we were always friends and stuff, but I think his father's death brought us closer than ever.

I will always remember that day as long as I live. I was walking home from Cee Cee's and I saw him on the front porch, just sitting there and staring straight ahead.

He ended up staying over at my house that night for the first time, but not the last. Soon he was staying over, sharing a room with David, at least once a week.

I'll never know why he decided to show up at my house that day, but I'm grateful that he did. Because if he didn't, I probably wouldn't be as close to him as I am now.

And I know he's the one I have to do this with as I get to school 10 minutes later, quickly getting out of the car.

I go straight to his locker where I find him standing, waiting for me as he does everyday. "Good morning, querida," he says to me. Oh yeah, he calls me that sometimes, but he'll never tell me what it means.

I guess, sure, I could go and look it up in a Spanish dictionary or something, but I'm too lazy to, and what if like he was calling me fatty or something?

"Morning, Jesse," I reply, giving him a small smile. "Listen, can I talk to you? Somewhere private?"

"Of course. Is there something on your mind?" he asks, reaching over and grabbing my books from me.

I laugh a little shakily and nod my head. "Yeah, I guess you could say that," I tell him as we walk to the library which is always deserted this early in the morning.

"What is it?" he asks me, a little bit of worry evident in his voice.

We sit down at one of the tables and I let out a sigh, looking down at my hands. "I'm pregnant, Jesse," I tell him.

"Y...You're WHAT?" He sputters out, obviously not expecting this.

Suddenly, the weight of everything comes crashing down on me and I feel tears fill my eyes. "Pregnant. As in nine months from now, I'll have a son or daughter," I say softly.

"...Oh my God, Susannah...didn't you, you know, use protection?" Jesse asks me.

"Of course we...oh God," I whisper, my eyes widening. "There was the one time we didn't but...I didn't think...oh God."

"Oh my God..." Jesse says also, groaning and putting his head in his hands, and this is a guy who isn't involved at ALL.

"Have you told him yet?" he asks me, looking up. I let out a laugh and shake my head. "No, you're the only one who knows," I tell him.

"Susannah...you need to tell him, he IS the father, right?" Jesse asks and I sigh heavily.

"Of course, Jesse," I reply. "And I am going to tell him. I think. No, I have to tell him...oh god, how am I gonna tell him??"

"Just like you told me," Jesse says soothingly as the bell rings for first period to start.

Neither of us moves and I feel Jesse gently take my hand in his. "I'm really scared, Jesse," I say softly.

"Don't be...you'll be a wonderful mother, querida, I know that for a fact," Jesse says softly before hugging me.

"Thanks, Jesse," I say softly, hugging him back as the second bell rings.

"You better run," he says, smiling and I laugh a little before running to class. Jesse helps in the library for his first hour, lucky him.

The whole day I'm worried out of my mind about how I'm going to tell Paul. I don't know why I'm worried though...I mean, he loves me, he'll stay here with me and the baby instead of going to Brown...right?

Finally, its 6th hour, the only class I share with Paul since he does stuff with the principal during lunch, and he walks in, giving me a beaming smile.

"Hey, babe," he says, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek as he sits down next to me.

"Hi Paul," I say, butterflies flipping all around my stomach.

Then I remember what else is in my stomach and feel like I'm gonna be sick. "Something wrong?" he asks me, concern in his voice.

"N...Nothing," I say, giving him a wary smile. I don't want to do this now, not with all these people around.

The rest of the class is a blur. The butterflies have settled in my stomach and they're not leaving. I want to tell him, get it off my chest.

"As long as you're sure baby. Hey, what do you say about ice skating later? There's a new rink in Monterey, it's supposed to be absolutely huge," Paul says to me softly.

I nod silently, my eyes not meeting his. "Sounds good, hey, can I talk to you? In private?" I ask.

"Sure, just name the place and time," Paul says, reaching over and grabbing my hand, squeezing it lightly.

As the bell rings, I stand up, pulling him with me. "Now," I say, walking with him out of the room.

"Okay, where do you want to go?" he asks as we walk quickly to his car and I get in.

He has his hand poised to put the key in the ignition when I just blurt it out. "I'm pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews :) They mean a lot to us. So without further ado, here's chapter two )

Disclaimer: We do not own Mediator

Chapter 2

"Wh...WHAT?" He exclaims, the key dropping from his hands almost immediately.

I just sit there silently, looking down at my hands. The car is completely silent until he asks me, "Well...you're gonna take care of it, right?"

"Take...take care of it, Paul what do you mean?" I ask, turning to face him.

"Suze...we're not even done high school, we can't have a baby," he says, his eyes meeting mine. "I mean, I'll pay for it if that's what you want."

"Paul, I...I could never do that! I...I wow I didn't even think about doing that!" I exclaim, absolutely horrified.

"Suze, I'm leaving for Brown this summer and you are not tying me down here in Carmel!" he replies angrily.

"What are you trying to say, Paul?" I ask him.

He sighs and doesn't say anything. Then, I realize. He doesn't want any part in our child's life. He doesn't even WANT the child.

"Paul...you can't be serious..." I say slowly, my eyes widening.

He just sighs and doesn't say anything. I close my eyes and shake my head. "I can't believe you would do this to me," I say softly.

"Suze, what did you expect me to do? Just drop all of my life plans and stay in Carmel?" Paul asks, an angry tone to his voice.

"This is our CHILD, Paul!" I exclaim. "Don't you want to be there for him or her? And what about me?? How do you expect me to do this on my own??"

"I don't! I offered to pay for an abortion, Suze. You're the one who's making all this difficult!" Paul exclaims.

"I do NOT want to have my unborn child killed!" I nearly shout. "No one deserves that just because you want to get out of Carmel!"

"Fine, don't get the thing killed! Do whatever the fuck you want, Suze! But don't expect me to stick around and help you!" Paul yells.

Too angry and upset to say anything more, I get out of the car and slam the door. "Have a nice life, Paul!" I scream before running away.

I hear the tires of his car squeal a second later and I see Paul driving away from the school. This is when the tears start falling.

I just drop down to my knees and start to sob uncontrollably, my face buried in my hands. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard.

I hear people pass by me, I hear them whispering about me, but I don't care what they think. They don't know a thing about me. Half of them don't even like me.

After a few minutes, I hear someone run up to me. "Suze! Oh my god, what's wrong???" Cee Cee exclaims.

"Take me home, Cee Cee," I sob softly, looking up to see that there was a small crowd hovering

She simply nods her head and helps me up, leading me through the small crowd and over to her car, not saying a word.

"What's the matter, Suze? Please tell me..."Cee Cee says softly when we're parked in front of my house.

"I'm pregnant, Cee," I whisper, staring straight ahead as the tears fall down my face. "And Paul wanted me to get an abortion."

"He...he what?" Cee Cee asks, her mouth dropping right down.

I sigh and press my hands to my face, wiping my eyes. "Suze, I'm so sorry," she says softly.

"I don't know what to do Cee...maybe I should just do what he wants me to do," I say in a whisper.

"Suze, are you crazy?" Cee Cee exclaims, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You are not like that. You can't kill an unborn child. YOUR unborn child."

"Oh God, you're right...What's the matter with me?" I cry, placing my head in my hands.

She soothingly rubs my back and whispers, "It'll be all right, Suze. You've got me and Adam and Jesse. You don't need him."

"But I do...I don't know what I'll do without him...I love him so much, Cee Cee," I sob pitifully.

She sighs and nods her head. "I know, Suze, but look at what he's done to you. You deserve better," she says.

"No, no I don't. Paul is the best that I could have ever done...he's gorgeous, he's smart, he's so nice and sensitive..." I start to say.

"But he can't be if he would do something like this," Cee Cee tells me and I know she's right, but I really don't want to hear it.

"Let's get you inside. It's getting a little warm out here," Cee Cee says, and I agree. Cee Cee has a convertible, and unfortunately for her, the hood doesn't work right now.

We get out of the car and go inside, quickly going up to my room. Sitting down on the bed, I let out a sigh. "I can't believe this is happening," I say softly.

"Do you know for sure yet?" she asks, reaching out and taking my hands in hers, looking me in the eyes and I shake my head.

"But I've had all the symptoms," I tell her. "Morning sickness, weird food cravings...I was...you know, late."

"Well there's always a possibility you're wrong...I'm going to go to buy a pregnancy test. You stay here, and call Jesse, he'll know what to do, he always does," Cee Cee says calmly.

I nod my head and lean over, embracing her tightly. "Thank you, Cee Cee," I say softly.

"You don't even need to thank me," she says to me softly.

As soon as she leaves, I take out my cell phone, dialing Jesse's number. "Hello?" he answers after the second ring.

"Jesse, hi, it's me...can you come over to my house?" I say, my voice almost a whisper and he agrees immediately.

"Sure, I'll be there in five minutes," he replies and I smile a little, even though he can't see it. "Thanks, I'll see you then," I say, hanging up.

I lean back on my bed and breath in deep and then breath out before getting up and walking over to my full length mirror, lifting up my shirt enough to bare my stomach.

I place my hand on my stomach and let out a shattered breath, tears filling my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to get through this without Paul.

After about 3 minutes or so I hear a small knock on my door and Jesse walks in, shutting it behind him.

"Susannah?" he says softly, walking over to me and placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I told Paul," I said to him, "I told him and...and, he doesn't want it. He doesn't want me."

"Querida..." he whispers, his eyes widening. "He wanted me to get an abortion," I tell him, looking down at my feet.

"I'm so sorry...I can't believe..." Jesse whispers before drawing me in his arms.

I lean against him and close my eyes. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Jesse," I say softly.

"Shhhh, it'll be all right Susannah, I promise. I'll do whatever I can to help you with this," Jesse whispers into my hair.

He holds me tightly against him and I let the tears fall from my eyes. "I'm so scared," I whisper.

"I know Susannah...don't be, I'm here, I'll always be here for you," Jesse says again.

We just stand there like that for a while and I start to believe him, believe that everything will actually be all right.

"I'm back..." Cee Cee says, walking into my room with a small plastic bag in her hand.

Jesse and I turn around and he gives me a light squeeze before letting me go. This is when I realize that my relief was only momentary and that everything is not going to be all right.

"Come on, let's go in the bathroom," Cee Cee says gently to me and I nod before walking in with her, shutting the door softly behind me.

A few minutes later, I'm sitting on the bed and Cee Cee and Jesse on either side of me. Cee Cee clears her throat and says, "Suze? I think it's time."

"I can't feel my legs...I...I can't," I say softly.

"I'll go get it," Jesse says softly, standing up as Cee Cee takes my hand in hers. "It's all right," she tells me.

"What if it's positive? What do I do? What do I tell my parents?" I ask and that's when Jesse comes back out, his face grim.

He doesn't even have to say anything. The look on his face says it all. "Oh my God," I whisper.

"Querida...everything will be all right, I promise," Jesse says to me once again, walking over and kneeling down in front of me.

"Oh my God," I repeat, not able to say anything else. I can't even think. A week ago, I was the happiest person in the world. Great boyfriend, lot's of friends, good grades...now, everything's changed.

"I wish I could go back in time...it was only about a month ago...not even that long ago," I say miserably.

Jesse places his hands on my knees and says, "Susannah, look at me."

It takes me a minute, but I finally do and he places his hand on my chin, looking into my eyes sternly.

"Listen to me," he says softly yet firmly. "You can do this, ok? And you won't have to do it alone. I'm here for you and so are Cee Cee and Adam. We won't let you go through this alone."

"I'm so scared. My mother...oh my god she'll never talk to me again," I say in a shaky voice.

"You're mom's not like that, Suze," Cee Cee tells me. "She would never do something like that."

"I don't know that though...I thought that Paul would never do something like leave me after I refused to get an abortion, but hey, look where we are now," I say brokenly, a few more tears slipping out of my eyes.

Jesse immediately returns to the bed, putting his arm around my shoulders. "Don't think about him, querida," he says.

"It's sorta hard not to, don't you think, I mean this is his fault too and look what he's doing," I say, frowning.

"Maybe you and the baby will be better off without him," Cee Cee says, squeezing my hand lightly. "Would you really want him around if he told you to have an abortion? What kind of a father would that be?"

"Not a good one, I suppose. Listen guys...I'm just...I'm exhausted and I need some time to think by myself..." I say as a wave of exhaustion decides to hit me.

They both immediately nod their heads. "Ok, just call if you need anything," Cee Cee tells me, standing up.

"I will...thank you, both of you," I say, smiling at them before they quietly leave.

Once I hear the door close, I crawl underneath the covers, bringing them up to my chin and closing my eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone, they make us want to post more as quickly as possible lol.

Disclaimer: We don't own Jesse…or Suze…or anyone

Chapter 3

I thank the lord it'd Friday, because there is absolutely no reason for me to get up until Monday, which is exactly what I do.

In the afternoon on Sunday, Jesse stops by. As he walks into my room, he has a small smile on his face. "Hello, Susannah," he says.

"Hi, what's that smile for?" I ask, propping myself up on my elbows as he sits down on my bed.

He shakes his head and says, "Nothing, do I need a reason to smile?"

"No, I guess not," I say, smiling back at him.

He grins at me and says, "Now there's that smile." I laugh a little and sit up, pulling my knees to my chest. "So, how've you been...dealing with everything?" he asks.

"Ehhh, I've sorta been...what's the word, moping," I tell him.

"Yeah, well...that's understandable," he replies. "Have you decided what to tell your mom and Andy yet?"

"I don't know if I even want to, Jesse..." I groan.

He moves closer to me and takes my hand in his. "You know what, we don't have to talk about this," he says to me.

"What else is there to talk about?" I ask him.

He starts to talk but then stops and I laugh a little. "Exactly," I say.

"Well, only 2 weeks left until graduation. Just think about that, querida," Jesse says, placing his hand over mine.

"Yup...graduation...and then what?" I ask, looking down and sighing. "I can't go to college...I won't have enough money, I'll have to be planning for the baby...will I be stuck here in Carmel forever?"

"I'll help you, Susannah. You won't be in this alone," Jesse says to me once again.

"You keep saying that," I reply, looking up into his eyes. "But you're leaving for Stanford. You won't want to be tied down to Carmel by me. You'll want a life, a new best friend, a girlfriend."

Jesse lets out a low chuckle before sighing, "I have to go...I have a few things I need to attend to...you coming to school tomorrow?" he asks me softly.

I sigh softly and fall back against the pillows, nodding my head. "Yeah...but I'll probably skip out before sixth period," I tell him.

"I don't blame you there. You take it easy, don't over think anything, I'll see you in the morning," Jesse says to me, squeezing my hand before leaving.

The next day (after puking up my guts, of course), I go into school and immediately go to Jesse's locker. He looks over at me and smiles softly.

"Hey there, how do you feel?" he asks me, rubbing my back softly.

I shrug my shoulders and sigh. "Ok, I guess," I reply.

"You are an awful liar, querida, but I'll overlook that for now," He says to me.

I laugh a little and lean against him as he puts his arm around me. "I didn't want to get out of bed today," I tell him. "I don't know how I'm gonna get through the day."

"Just like you do everyday. Put one foot in front of the other. Why don't we talk to Father Dom during lunch and we can see if you can have a planning period 6th hour instead of being in that class with Paul," Jesse says softly to me.

"You always know just what to say, don't you?" I ask, smiling up at him.

"I took a class on it sophomore year, you just thought it was Algebra 2," Jesse replies and I let out a laugh.

The rest of the day isn't really that bad because I've got Jesse, Cee Cee and Adam by my side. When we told Adam what had happened with Paul, we all had to stop him from going and kicking Paul's ass. Though I was thinking about letting him.

I wouldn't want to get Adam in trouble though, or Jesse either for that matter. Every time we even hear the name Paul I can see a fire ignite in his eyes.

I'm surprised everyone in school doesn't know yet. While I know that Jesse, Cee Cee and Adam would never tell a soul, Paul has the biggest mouth in the world.

Jesse and I go to see Father Dom during lunch, and he switches my class for me, but I can't just stay away from Paul for the rest of my life...I have to confront him at least one more time.

So at the end of the day, I spot him in the parking lot and stop dead in my tracks. "Susannah?" Jesse asks, stopping beside me.

"I have to talk to Paul, Jesse...it's something I need to do," I say softly to him.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" he asks me, concern shining in his eyes.

"No, I'll walk home, I could use the time alone," I say to him, giving him a small smile before jogging to Paul.

I stop in front of his car and he stops as he's about to get in. "...Did you take care of it?" he asks, his voice low.

"What do you think Paul? God, you're such an asshole, you know? I mean...this is your fault too. I mean, it's MORE your fault than mine. If I remember right YOU'RE the one who didn't' want to bother with the condom that night," I growl at him.

Angry tears come to my eyes as I remember that night. It was the prom, one of the greatest nights of my life. I didn't know back then that that one night would change everything.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe it's FINALLY senior prom...I mean I've been waiting for this night for half of my life, and it's almost over," I say, sighing as Paul and I sway to "Stairway to Heaven".

"The night isn't over when the music stops, babe," he whispers in my ear and I shiver a little, smiling up at him.

"Oooh, shivers. You cold?" he asks, running a hand down my bare shoulder.

I shake my head and rest my head against his shoulder. "Nope, I'm good," I reply as the song ends.

"What do you say we head out? We've been here close to 3 hours, we've talked to all the cool kids, done the prom stuff, and I might have something planned for after..." Paul whispers.

I smile up at him and nod. "Sounds good to me," I reply. He smiles back and gives me a quick kiss before taking my hand.

"Right this way madam," he says, linking his arm with mine as he leads me towards the coat check.

I giggle and rest my head against his shoulder, lifting my head when I see Jesse sitting with his girlfriend, Kelly Prescott. I grin and wink at him and he does the same. I laugh out loud be fore returning my head to Paul's shoulder.

"He going to finally get lucky tonight?" Paul asks me and I giggle again.

"God, let's hope so," I reply, still giggling. "You and I both know how he is about that stuff."

"Yeah, the whole no sex until marriage or whatever. No one's done that since the 1800's though, he needs to get with the time," Paul says and I laugh, agreeing.

"I totally agree...I mean, do you really think we're going to hell for doing the deed before marriage?" I ask, looking up at him. He shrugs and says, "I don't know, but it would be worth it."

"It most certainly would," I agree, leaning up and kissing him softly.

He smiles and kisses me back. "Come on, let's get outta here," he says.

"Right behind you baby," I say as soon as I get my coat and clutch back.

He takes it from me and holds it open, allowing me to slip my arms into the sleeves. "Why thank you," I say, giggling a little.

"You are very welcome, now let's hit the road. We have about a half an hour drive ahead of us," Paul tells me as he opens the car door for me.

I step into the familiar silver BMW, smiling as he gets in the driver's side. He smiles back at me and starts up the car, driving all the way there with his hand on my knee.

"Ooooo the Hilton, fancy," I say as we drive into Monterey and to the Hilton hotel.

"I spare no expense when it comes to my girl," he says, smiling over at me.

"I love you, you know that?" I say to him as he laces his fingers with mine once we're out of the car, and we walk into the hotel.

He stops and turns to me, leaning down to kiss me. "I love you too," he replies, his intense blue gaze locked on mine.

"Hello sir, are you checking in?" The concierge asks Paul and he nods his head before reaching into the pocket on the inside of his tux jacket, pulling out his wallet.

In a few moments, we're standing outside the penthouse suite and Paul suddenly picks me up, grinning. I giggle and exclaim, "Paul! What are you doing!"

"I am carrying my gorgeous girlfriend into our hotel room," Paul says, as if it's obvious.

"You're so sweet," I reply, leaning in to kiss him softly.

"Mmmm, let's see how long you say that," Paul whispers, setting me down and I gasp as I look around the room.

He definitely spared no expense. There are candles all around the room, which is completely dark otherwise. Rose petals are scattered on the floor, leading up to the bed.

"Paul, it's gorgeous," I breathe, turning to him, a small smile on my lips as he produces a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

I sit down on the bed as he pours me a glass of champagne, handing it to me. "Thank you," I say softly, unable to stop smiling.

"You are very welcome," Paul replies as he pours himself a glass and he sits down next to me.

"A toast," he says, lifting his glass. I giggle a little and lift mine. "To many more blissful nights together."

"Here, here," I say, downing my glass in one drink, Paul doing the exact same, "this is VERY tasty, I think I might like another glass kind sir."

"Take it easy there, little lady," he says, pouring me another glass. "You wouldn't want to get too tipsy, now would you?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I say, raising my eyebrows. He grins and winks at me before leaning in and kissing me passionately.

"Mmmm, even tastier," I whisper against his lips, setting down my glass before slinging my arm around his neck.

"Mmmm...It better be," he says softly, gently pushing me back against the pillows.

Things start to elevate pretty quickly from this point on, until I find myself left only in my panties, and Paul, yeah well Paul's in his birthday suit.

His lips are on mine, kissing me lovingly while his hands slowly wander down my body until they hit my panties and start to slide them off.

"Mmm, Paul...Paul, get the...get the protection," I moan out as I feel his VERY evident arousal pressed against my hip.

His lips suddenly leave mine and I look up at him, confused. "Paul, what's wrong?" I ask, slightly out of breath.

"I...shit...I sort of leant it to Jesse..." he mumbles looking at me, his eyes heavy with desire.

I frown a little and ask him, "Well, what are we going to do? I'm not on the pill..."

"Baby, I can't stop now..." Paul groans, leaning down and kissing my collarbone.

"But I could...get pregnant," I say softly, though he's kind of making it hard to protest while he's kissing me like that.

"No you won't...that only happens once every what...50 people?" Paul mumbles, still kissing me.

I let out a sigh, though it's more of a moan as his hands start to work their magic. "Oh, all right," I mumble.

"God, thank you for saying that baby," he moans out and I let out a soft giggle as I experience a) probably the best sex of my life and b) the night that would change my life forever.

I'm brought back to the present, which isn't nearly as happy as that night. "You're just as responsible for this, Paul!" I exclaim.

"You could've told me to stop, Suze. And if I remember correctly, you didn't really object to that night the next morning, did you?" Paul asks me, a smirk on his face.

"THAT IS NOT THE POINT!" I shout, my anger getting the best of me. "You're the one who forgot the protection. You should take the responsibility. If you loved me at all, you would stay and be with me and the baby."

"Don't blame ME for not having the protection. Blame Jesse! If he would've just stuck to his stupid plan of not having sex until marriage, guess who wouldn't have had to loan him a condom? ME!" Paul exclaims.

"Don't you DARE blame this on Jesse!" I cry as the angry tears that have been gathering in my eyes start to fall. "He's been with me all weekend, helping me through the pain that YOU caused!"

"Okay, fine Suze, whatever blame he whole fucking thing on me. I'm the bad guy, I'm the bastard, I'm the one who knocked up his 18 year old girlfriend, FINE! Oh, by the way. I'm leaving tomorrow for Providence. I'm doing so well in my classes the school decided that I didn't need to take finals, and so I figured whatever, I might as well go out there, find someplace to live for the time being, and then fly back here for graduation," Paul tells me.

I'm too shocked to even say anything. Paul, however, repeats the words I said to him on Friday before getting into his car and driving away: "Have a nice life, Suze."

I let out a low groan, too tired inside and out to cry by now, and I head off on foot for home.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you so so so much for all the reviews everybody We really hope you like this chapter, and we'll try to post again asap.

Chapter 4

Since I live kind of far from school, I nearly collapse onto my bed when I get home.

Ugh, remind me never to opt to walk home from school again, especially not in the middle of May.

I feel like I'm on fire from the hot California sun. Maybe I should have asked Jesse to wait for me and drive me home.

Too late for that now, though, isn't it. Now I just have to suffer through the pain, more pain than I already have to go through.

I just try to forget about all of that and fall asleep, but I end up staying up all night, worrying about how I'm going to do all of this on my own. Sure Jesse says he'll be there for me, but he's going to Stanford which is far, far away from Carmel.

This makes my last week at school long stress filled one. It's better now that Paul is gone...so much better than it was that one day, but it's still hard. I still have this guilt about not telling my mother, and I still feel sick every time I think about raising this baby.

As graduation slowly approaches, I worry more and more about what I'm going to do. Should I tell my mom? I mean, she's going to find out sooner or later.

Too bad for me though, graduation day comes quicker than I expect and soon I'm putting on my cap and gown, staring at all these students around me who I wont' even think about once I've got my diploma, save 3 or 4 I suppose.

They call my name and I immediately hear the simultaneous screams of my three best friends, the ones who helped me through everything since I moved here to Carmel.

I smile, letting out a deep sigh of relief as I take the fake diploma and shake Father Dom's hand, moving my tassel across my hat.

"Good luck, Susannah," Father Dom says to me, bringing tears to my eyes. Damn hormones. "I know you'll go far." Oh, my dear Father, how little you know.

I thank him and turn my head, smiling at my mother, who was a her hand at her mouth and I can tell she's probably bawling like a baby.

My eyes find Jesse who's grinning like an idiot at me as are Adam and Cee Cee. My eyes fill with tears again. I seriously hate these freaking' hormones.

As the next name is called I quickly get off the stage and return to my seat, which happens to be right next to Jesse's, seeing how my last name is Simon and his is de Silva.

"I'm so proud of you," he says, reaching out and pinching my cheek playfully.

"Okay you can stop that riiiight about now," I say, reaching out and pinching his cheek too.

He groans and moves his face away from my hand. "Ok, I see your point," he says, laughing.

"Now, hush. Sister Ernestine is glaring at us," I say to Jesse in undertones.

"Pretty soon, we won't even have to think about her," Jesse says to me and I smile back at him, resting my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He puts his arm around me and gives me a light squeeze as I tune out the noise of the ceremony.

"Congratulations to the class of 2006!" Father Dom finally exclaims and that's our cue to stand up and toss our hats.

Jesse and I both stand up, huge grins on our faces as we throw our caps into the air, bidding adieu to Junipero Serra Mission Academy forever.

"Wow...high school over," I say, very much aware of the fact that Paul Slater is only standing about 10 feet away from us.

"I know, I can't believe it," Jesse replies, equally aware of this fact. I try not to think about it, though. I want this experience to be as painless as possible.

"Hey, querida...so...have you told your mom yet?" Jesse asks me, guiding me away from the group of people.

I let out a long sigh and shake my head. "Nope...Jesse, do we really have to talk about this now?" I ask.

"Come to Stanford with me," Jesse practically blurts out and I blink my eyes a few times.

"What?" I exclaim, my eyes widening. "I...I...I don't know what to say."

"Say yes, querida. Come to Stanford, we can raise this baby together, you and me," Jesse says to me.

"Whoa...wait...what do you mean??" I ask, my head spinning. I hear his words but they're not comprehending in my brain.

"Susannah...marry me, we can get married early next month before I have to go to Stanford, we can pass this baby off as our own, it solves everything! I mean we're best friends, it's not like it would be awful living together, and I promised I'd do anything to help you, this is the most obvious thing to do," Jesse explains.

"I...I don't even know what to say," I reply, my eyes filling up with tears, yet again, except this time, I let them fall.

"Say yes. Come to Stanford with me!" Jesse pleads, reaching out and grasping my hand.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box, opening it to reveal a diamond ring. "Come on, Susannah," he says softly.

"Oh...I guess you're very prepared," I whisper, looking at it.

He doesn't say anything, just looks into my eyes, awaiting my answer. Finally, I can't take the silence anymore and just blurt it out.

"Y...Yes of course, Jesse, of course!" I exclaim, smiling, and he smiles widely before slipping the ring on my finger.

He immediately takes me into his arms and I wrap my arms around him, thankful that I have someone as great as him in my life, willing to help me with this.

"Susie? What's going on here?" Mom asks, walking up with Andy next to her.

Jesse and I break apart, grinning. He takes my hand in his and whispers, "Tell them, querida."

"Mom...we're, well, we're getting married!" I say, smiling brightly at them.

She and Andy just stand there, their mouths hanging open. Jesse squeezes my hand and I smile up at him, hardly believing what's happening.

"I'm going with him to Stanford...we want to get married in mid-June," I continue as they're still silent.

Andy finally decides to speak up. "How long have you two been together?" he asks.

"Well, I guess since Paul and I broke up, I mean Jesse and I finally realized our...our feelings for each other," I quickly make up.

Jesse nods in agreement, squeezing my hand again. "It's true," he says. "I...I'm completely in love with your daughter and I want nothing more than to make her happy."

"Wow...well, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't surprised at the suddenness of this all, but...wow. You know we love you as a son, Jesse, so what difference would it make if it was finally legal?" My mom says, and oh my god, here come the waterworks again.

Jesse's hand leaves mine and he puts his arm around me, holding me close and...well, for the first time in a while, I feel completely happy.

"So...mid June?" Andy asks after a few moments and we both nod our heads.

"Mhmm," I reply, wiping my eyes a little. "Mid-June, we want to do this as quick as possible."

"Well, lucky for you your mother has been waiting for this day since the moment you were born. Let's get started on the plans as soon as possible...and have you two thought of a honeymoon spot yet?" Mom asks me.

I look up at Jesse who has the same dumbfounded look on his face. "We...haven't thought about it yet," I say slowly.

"Well, think about it. We're paying for everything, including the honeymoon, don't you two even think about money," Mom says, and the tears are still coming.

"Oh mom," I whisper, rushing forward and hugging her. Let the record show that I'm not usually this sappy.

"I'm so happy for you, honey. I really think you two will be so happy together," Mom says, her arms wrapped tight around me.

"Thanks mom," I reply, pulling back and glancing over at Jesse, who's smiling at me. "I think we will too."

"Well, I'm going to let you guys, well celebrate I guess, I'll see you at home baby," Mom says, smoothing back my hair before kissing my forehead.

After they both leave, I go back over to Jesse. "Well, they bought it," I say, smiling a little.

"They definitely did, querida," he says, laughing and hugging me, "now, we just have to act all coupley."

I laugh and lean forward, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. He looks a little shocked but smiles down at me. "Thank you for doing this, Jesse," I whisper.

"You have nothing to thank me for, querida," Jesse says, smiling at me.

"Well, I'm glad that this baby will have a father like you," I say softly.

"Let's go get some pizza or something, I promise you can get M&M's, AND pineapple on your half if you want," Jesse teases.

"Yay!!" I exclaim, grinning. He takes my hand and as we're walking out, I catch a glimpse of Paul who's staring right at us.

"Don't pay attention to him, querida. He'll be out of your life forever soon," Jesse says to me.

I take my eyes away from Paul and squeeze Jesse's hand, looking up at him. "I know," I reply. "I know."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Hey, thank you all so so much for all of our great reviews This chapter's a little shorter than the rest, but the next chapter is going to be like 5 or 6 pages so that'll make up for this one, we hope you like it

Chapter 5

"What am I doing Cee Cee...I'm marrying my best friend, I'm having someone else's baby...oh my god," I say, and I guess this is what cold feet is like.

"Don't even think about all of that," Cee Cee replies, her eyes on her own reflection. "And don't be nervous, Jesse is the greatest guy in the world, you're so lucky."

"I guess I'm just nervous...I mean, I'm getting married in half an hour..." I say softly, smoothing out my dress.

The last few weeks have been absolutely crazy but wonderful. My mother and I planned the wedding while Jesse was just...totally amazing.

Running pretty much any errand that we need, being there when I started panicking about the baby, about the wedding, just being Jesse, the man who will soon be my husband...my best friend.

Except...well...my feelings toward him are becoming less friendly by the day. He's just been so great about everything...I don't know, my mind says he's my best friend but my heart says he's more.

Not that I'd ever say this to him, no, not if it meant awkwardness between us for the rest of our life.

I keep telling myself that it's just the hormones, and that I'll get over this eventually. But every time I tell myself that, I get less convinced.

So now, I'm staring at myself in this floor length mirror, waiting for my mom to get back. She said she had to run an errand of some type.

As if on cue, I hear the door open and close, followed by my mother whispering, "Oh my God, Susie, you look beautiful!"

"Thanks mom," I say, sighing and looking at my dress. It is the definition of a perfect dress, my dream gown.

Cee Cee and I picked it out together but the moment I walked into the shop, I knew that it was the one I wanted, the one I needed.

It's strapless, embroidered with crystals around the bodice, corset style in the back, with a full skirt that ends in a 5 foot train.

"Are you nervous, sweetie?" my mother asks, standing next to me and I can see the tears in her eyes. Great. She's gonna make me cry now.

"Yeah, I am..." I say, taking a deep breath and my mom puts her hand over her mouth, letting out a small sob before apologizing.

I laugh shakily and shake my head. "It's ok, mom," I say.

"Well...I think they're almost ready for you sweetie," Mom says, turning me around and placing her hands on my face.

I take a deep breath and nod my head. "Ok then, let's go," I reply, taking in another deep breath and letting it out slowly. I shouldn't be nervous. I have nothing to worry about...right?

"Not just yet sweetheart, we have a few things for you," she says, turning around and picking up a small bag.

"Mom you really didn't...oh my God," I breathe as she pulls the first thing out of the bag.

"Something old," she says, pulling out an intricate pearl hair comb, "it belonged to your grandmother."

I take it from her with trembling hands. My grandmother died a few years ago. She was the most wonderful person in the world.

"It's beautiful, mom," I say, putting it in gently. Cee Cee then steps forward, a small box in her hand.

"Something borrowed," she says, smiling and handing it to me. I open it up and laugh a little, seeing the pearl earrings I all but forced her to buy a few years ago.

"You do know you guys are doing this out of order?" I ask, laughing and putting the earrings in.

"And your point would be...?" Cee Cee asks and I laugh.

"You always were an odd one, Cee Cee Webb," I say to her.

"Yeah, I know," Cee Cee says before producing a small bottle of perfume, "and this, is something new."

"Oooh smells nice," I say, spritzing it on my wrist and smiling.

"And something blue," my mom says, handing me a small bag.

"Aha, garter belt, a Hello Kitty garter belt too, wow mom," I say, giggling.

She laughs a little but it turns into a sob. "I can't believe my baby's getting married!" she exclaims.

"Mom, don't cry or I'll start to cry!" I exclaim as Cee Cee helps me put on my garter belt.

She laughs a little and quickly wipes away her tears when there's a knock at the door followed by Andy's voice, "Are you ready ladies?"

"Yeah honey, we'll be right out," Mom says and she takes this opportunity to quickly fuss over my hair and makeup.

"Mom, stop," I say, laughing as I stand up. I had temporarily forgotten my nervousness but it returns with full force as I open the door.

"Don't be nervous, you're doing the right thing," Cee Cee whispers in my ear.

"I hope so," I whisper back, turning my head to face her. She gives me a reassuring smile and nods her head.

"You know that there's no better option, and this one is a pretty good one to begin with," Cee Cee says to me.

I don't say anything as I turn my face forward, smiling as I walk into the church and see Jesse standing at the altar.

Andy loops his arm in mine as the wedding march starts and we walk forward slowly, everyone standing up on either side of me.

As we approach the altar, I turn to Andy and he gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Take good care of her, Jesse," he says softly as he turns to Jesse.

"Hey best friend," I whisper, smiling nervously at him.

He smiles back and my heart skips a beat. "Hello, querida," he says softly to me.

The wedding was simple, but beautiful. It was perfect. Just like you see in the movies. The priest read from the scriptures, Cee Cee read a passage from psalms, and then, to put it simply, we were married.

The reception was equally wonderful. Adam and Cee Cee gave their speeches and Jesse and I danced the night away. It seemed that all of our problems had been solved, all of our troubles over.

The biggest surprise of the night, though, came from my mother. Jesse and I had decided not to do the whole honeymoon thing, seeing, well first of all, that we pretty much wouldn't be doing thing that honeymooners tended to do a LOT while on their honeymoon, and this way we could save my mother some money, but she came up to us, handed us an envelope and gave me a big hug.

Now, I pack my things for the honeymoon (a week in Hawaii...I can't wait!), and I can't believe how lucky I am. Jesse is really the best friend anyone could ever have.

"I can't believe we're going to HAWAII Jesse! Wow...I've always wanted to go there," I sigh, a smile on my face.

"I know, I can't believe your mother gave us all that money for it," he replies. About a week after graduation, we decided to move in together.

So now we're in my bedroom, which seemed to be the ideal place seeing how my house is just a liiiiitle bit calmer than Jesse's would be.

I sit down on the bed, about ready to fall asleep. It's been a wonderful but exhausting day. "I can't believe we're married," I say softly, looking down at the ring on my finger.

"Are you glad? Like...do you think we did the right thing?" Jesse asks me, and i know he doesn't have any regrets, but he's making sure I don't.

"Of course," I reply. "I just can't believe you would do this for me. I was so afraid that I'd be alone, but you...you're just so amazingly wonderful for doing this."

"Susannah, you've been my best friend for so long, you've been there for me when I thought I was alone. Of course I would do this for you," Jesse says, pulling me into a hug.

I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly, feeling tears come to my eyes. Dammit. I hate crying, I really, really do.

"Heyyy, don't cry," Jesse says, chuckling lightly.

"Sorry," I reply, pulling away and wiping my eyes. "Damn hormones."

"It's expected in your condition. You should probably get some sleep, long plane trip tomorrow morning," Jesse says.

"Yeah," I say softly, crawling under the covers as Jesse does the same. "I seriously can't wait. I mean...Hawaii!! And I'm sharing it with my best friend."

"It should be amazing. Good night querida, I love you," Jesse says, leaning over and kissing my forehead.

"I love you too," I reply. Again, I'm having this conflict between my heart and mind. Do I love him as a friend or...well, as a wife loves her husband?

It's hard to know sometimes though, because the only love that I've felt for a person that's stronger than friendship was for Paul, and well, look where that led me.

"Something wrong?" Jesse asks me, looking at me with concerned eyes.

"No, nothing at all. Good night Jesse," I reply, smiling softly at him before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

I let out a huge sigh and fall down on the bed in our hotel suite. "Well, I am exhausted!" I exclaim. "Sitting on the beach doing nothing all day can really take the energy out of someone, don't you think?"

"Well, maybe it took the energy out of you, but I'm still gearing. It's only 7, I'll be right back," Jesse says to me before leaving the room.

I sit up in the bed and take off my flip flops, throwing them on the floor before falling back against the pillows. Today has definitely been the most relaxing day of my life.

I start to get comfortable, but it's not easy when every time you move you feel sand shift around in your bikini. Sighing, I get up and jog into the bathroom, smiling as I find a plush chenille robe hanging from the back of the robe. Of course they supply these, I mean, Mom paid for the honeymoon suite at one of the most expensive hotels in Honolulu.

I slip my bikini off and put the robe on and right away I know that I'll never ever want to take this off. It is the comfiest thing I've ever worn.

I snuggle into it, loving the warmth it brings my body, which cooled off pretty much as soon as we walked into the freezing cold hotel.

I walk back into the bedroom and sit down on the bed as Jesse comes back into the room. "Ahh, now this is the life," I tell him, smiling and closing my eyes.

"Open those eyes back up missy, it's movie and popcorn time," Jesse says and I immediately open them as I hear something wheeling into the room behind him. Did I mention that Mom also paid for all the room service we wanted? I guess this includes an old fashioned popcorn maker. Just like you see in the carnivals folks.

"Oh my god!" I exclaim, my eyes lighting up. I've always loved those things, a fact which Jesse knows only too well. "This is so cool; I didn't even know the hotel had them!"

"Anything you desire, miss, and we'll find a way to get it to you," the man behind Jesse says.

"Well, aren't you nice?" I ask, smiling. "I've been trying to get Jesse to say that for years." I glance over at Jesse who laughs a little.

"Here you go, thank you," Jesse says, handing him a tip and he thanks us before leaving.

"So, what movies are we watching?" I ask as Jesse puts some popcorn in a red and white box before handing it to me.

"First, your favorite, Mean Girls, and then my favorite," Jesse says and I let out a HUMONGOUS groan.

"No," I say, shaking my head as he laughs. "Please, Jesse...The Godfather? ANYTHING but The Godfather."

"Yes. The Godfather. If I have to watch Mean Girls, you have to endure the Godfather," Jesse says.

I pout a little before eating some popcorn. "Meanie," I say, throwing a few pieces at him.

"Don't you throw that popcorn at me," Jesse says, turning around and pointing his finger at me, "You'll regret it."

"Oh really?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him. "And what exactly are you going to do to me??"

"Give you a taste of your own medicine," Jesse says, reaching into the popcorn maker and grabbing a handful.

I sit up and grin at him, sticking my hand in my small box of popcorn. "Bring it," I say, trying not to laugh.

"You're asking for it Susannah," Jesse warns.

"I'm not scared of you," I reply, sticking my tongue out at him.

"You should be. I'm deadly," he says and I can't help it, I burst out in laughter.

I nearly fall over laughing and Jesse frowns at me. "What? What's so funny?" he asks.

"You? Deadly? C'mon Jesse. You couldn't kill the spider that was in my room, even after I called you screaming for my life. You simply stared at it before letting it outside," I say.

"So you don't think I'm deadly?" he asks, sitting on the bed with me. My laughing stops and I shake my head at him. "No, Jesse, I'm sorry to have disappointed you," I reply, smirking.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he says, sighing.

My smirk fades and I move over so that I'm sitting beside him. "Jesse, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you," I say softly. He sighs again and turns to me, smiling before nearly pouncing on me and tickling me mercilessly.

"YOU...YOU BASTARD!" I squeal, trying to cover my sides in vain as he tickles me.

"Aw come on, you know you love me," he says, grinning down at me as he tickles me, laughing as I beg for him to stop.

"Stoooop, please, stop! Let's just...let's watch the movies, stoooop!" I exclaim.

He sighs and takes his hands off of me, laughing a little. "And you thought I wasn't deadly," he says as he gets up and puts Mean Girls in the DVD player.

"You're a deadly jerk," I mutter, pouting and crossing my arms over my chest as he puts the movie in and gets some popcorn for himself.

He climbs into bed with me and kisses my cheek quickly, putting his arm around my shoulders. "Shhh, watch the movie," he says softly.

"Shhh, watch the movie," I mimic, earning a quick tickle in the side, which basically has me begging him for mercy.

"Ok, ok, you win!" I exclaim and he grins. "That's more like it," he says.

I decide not to make a remark at this; instead I curl up against his side as the BEST movie of all time starts playing on the humongous plasma TV that came with the hotel room.

Both of us know the movie by heart (which is my fault, as Jesse reminds me every chance he gets) so we end up saying all the lines out loud and I crack up laughing when Jesse tries to do a girly voice.

"You crack me up, Jesse," I say, wiping the tears out of my eyes at the end. They aren't tears of like sadness or anything; they're more like tears from me laughing my ass off.

"It's what I do best," he replies, grinning as he gets off the bed and goes to change the movie.

"Okay time for shower time!" I exclaim, sitting up as he changes the DVD's.

"Oh come oooon," he whines, pulling me back down on the bed. "I just sat through Mean Girls for you."

"You love Mean Girls. Might I remind you, it was YOU who was begging me to go with you when it first came out," I say, raising my eyebrow at him.

He glares at me and says in a quiet voice, "I told you to never mention that again." I laugh and stick my tongue out at him.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say De Silva," I say, rolling my eyes and groaning as the movie starts.

"There was a time when you loved The Godfather," he says, returning to his former position with his arm around me.

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you were brainwashing me back then," I tell him.

He rolls his eyes and reaches for the remote, turning up the volume. "Shut up, it's starting," he whispers.

"Don't tell me to shut up," I said, pouting and feeling bored already.

After a while, I feel myself falling into dreamland when the TV suddenly turns off. I open my eyes and look up at Jesse who's smiling down at me. "Happy now?" he asks.

"You could've just let me fall asleep you know," I say drowsily as he lies down, facing me on the bed.

We just lay there in silence when I ask him, "We're doing the right thing, aren't we?"

"Of course we are, Susannah," he replies immediately, "what could be wrong with it?"

"I don't know," I say to him, sighing. "I feel like I'm lying to my mother. No, I am lying to her and to everyone else in my family. I mean, I know this is right for us and for the baby but...what happens when a little boy or girl with blue eyes and a bad attitude is running around the house? People will know it's not yours. And what about us? Do we see other people? I mean...I feel like I'm holding you back from finding your true love just because I had to go be stupid and get pregnant."

"Querida...your mother has blue eyes, we can always pass that off for that, if this child doesn't look exactly like us, but as for the other part, you are my best friend, I love you more than I love anyone in this world already, who is there to find?" Jesse states.

I let out another sigh and turn slightly so that I'm on my back. "I just feel a little guilty," I say softly.

"If I weren't 100 percent into this, I wouldn't have gone through with it," Jesse tells me.

I smile over at him and say, "I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I truly cannot thank you enough for this. I was so scared when Paul left...you're like my knight in shining armor."

"Aww, I'm honored," he says, laughing a little bit.

I laugh along with him and turn again so I'm on my side. We're just laying there for a while, enjoying the silence.

"Do you feel weird at all?" I ask softly, my voice sounding very loud in the quiet room. It's quite a room; well I guess it has to be, being their most expensive suite and all. It even has this heart shaped Jacuzzi that, when Jesse and I saw it, we started cracking up. Oh, and the shower is big enough to fit a small army in it, as well as this bed.

He lets out a soft sigh and is quiet for what seems like forever until he softly asks, "Do you?"

"Sometimes..." I reply just as softly, and it feels like we're having a staring contest for a while until he speaks again.

"Yeah, I guess it is a little weird sometimes," he says to me, his eyes leaving mine for the first time since we started talking.

"Yeah," he replies immediately. "Not too weird." I nod my head slowly, frowning as his eyes flicker all around the room, not meeting mine.

"Jesse? What's the matter? Do I have something in my teeth?" I ask.

He laughs and his eyes are back on me. "No, querida," he says. "That's not it."

"What is it then? You've never acted like this around me before, why start now?" I question softly.

He lets out a soft sigh and moves closer to me. "I want to kiss you, Susannah," he tells me.

"You...you do?" I ask, swallowing. His face is only two inches away from mine at the most.

He places a hand on my cheek before sliding it down to my neck, then all the way down my arm and grasping my hand in his. "I'm going to kiss you," he whispers.

I don't do anything. I don't move an inch, I don't blink, I don't speak. I'm afraid that if I do anything he'll snap out of whatever trance he seems to be in, and he'll decide he DOESN'T want to kiss me.

Before I know what's going on, his lips are on mine. So soft and gentle...like he's afraid he'll scare me away, or I'll push him away.

Little does he know that I want to do just the opposite of that. If this kiss proves anything, it proves that I most definitely love him as more than just a best friend.

"Is this...is this ok?" he asks softly, his lips leaving mine for a moment. I desperately want them back. "Is this what you want?"

"Yes...I'm pretty sure...I'm very sure," I reply just as softly.

He lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Good," before kissing me again, this time with more passion.

A small whimper escapes my throat at the sudden passion and I bring my arms up, wrapping them around his neck and pulling him a bit closer.

He slides his arms around my waist and closes the distance between our bodies. I can feel all of this pent-up passion in his kiss, like he's been waiting for this moment as long as I have.

When Jesse finally pulls back, breathing deeply, he rests his forehead lightly against mine, his eyes shut as he regains his composure.

"Susannah," he breathes, slowly opening his eyes. "Oh Susannah..." I just look up at him, my breathing heavy. I've been kissed a lot of times, but nothing compares to that kiss. It was like...monumental. I saw stars when he kissed me.

"Yeah?" I reply, and immediately I feel like a total idiot. Yeah? What kind of response is that after the kiss of all kisses???

He laughs a little and just gazes adoringly down at me. "...I love you," he tells me.

"I love you too Jesse," I reply instantly.

He kisses me again before asking, "How long? I mean...how long has it been a more than friends love?"

"I think...since about a few days before the wedding, when I realized everything that was really going on," I reply.

He nods his head in agreement. "Yeah me...me too," he whispers. I keep trying to look into his eyes but my own eyes keep wandering down to his lips.

He lets a small chuckle and does what I was slightly embarrassed to do. Or is embarrassed the right word? I don't know...embarrassed? Nervous? Afraid? Either way, he leans forward and slowly kisses me again.

"Jesse," I whisper, pulling back slightly and smiling. "Are we doing the right thing?"

He chuckles and pulls me even closer. "Absolutely, querida," he replies. "Absolutely."


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews the past few chapters We appreciate them so much. We hope you enjoy this chapter, be warned that if you're sensitive to M rated things, don't read this… so, enjoy

Chapter 7

"Don't you dare dunk me!" I shriek, trying to swim away from him, but the waves slow me down and Jesse grabs me from behind.

"Hahahaha!" he exclaims, sounding like an evil villain. "I've got you!"

"You're not very nice," I grumble as he moves so that he has my arms pinned behind my back and I'm just stuck standing there.

With only five days left in Honolulu, we're making the most of our time. That means days at the beach and nights in each other's arms which is fine by me.

I know what's on your minds. Have we..."consummated" our marriage yet? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm going to have to say no, we haven't.

Not that I don't want to. I do. More than anything in the world. I really don't think I've ever wanted something so much.

Yeah, I know that is what got me here in the first place, wanting to, you know, having sex, but it's not like I can get anymore pregnant, is it?

"Let me go you fiendish monster!" I cry, trying to break free of his grasp, but Lord knows I'm not strong enough.

"Nope, I haven't had enough fun yet," Jesse says, and suddenly the ground is no longer under my feet.

"WHAT THE HELL!" I exclaim, my eyes widening as he starts spinning me around. "PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!!!"

He puts me down all right, about 5 feet from where he's standing. It's not he throws me hard or anything, but I have a scowl on my face as I stand up nonetheless, "You're so mean to me, Jesse," I say.

"I'm mean because I love you," he replies, taking my hands in his and pulling me closer.

"You have an odd way of showing it," I say, leaning up and kissing him quickly before making my way out of the water.

He walks beside me, taking my hand once again and asking, "What would you like to do today?"

"I would like to go...shopping," I say after a moment's thought.

He stops and turns to me, a horrified look on his face. "S...Shopping?"

"Yes, shopping. But not just for me, we've done that everyday," I say, laughing a little.

"You knooow how much I hate shopping," he whines as we walking slowly over to our blanket, the sand sticking to our wet feet.

"But we'll be shopping for our baby," I say.

He smiles down at me and squeezes my hand. "Our baby," he repeats.

"Yeah. I mean, we need to start getting him or her stuff, I'm about 2 months or so along," I tell him.

"What do you think it's going to be?" he asks me as we gather up our things.

"To tell you the truth? I have absolutely no clue," I say, letting out a small giggle.

"I'm kind of hoping for a girl," he tells me, smiling. "A beautiful little girl with your eyes."

"I've always wanted a girl, but I wouldn't mind a little boy either," I say, rolling up my towel and tucking it under my arm.

Every time we talk about who the baby will look like, I get a little sad. He or she will look like Paul, not Jesse.

Jesse never brings this up, but I know he's thinking it too. I know there are times when he forgets that this isn't really his baby, and for the few seconds that I realize he's thinking about this, it makes my heart break.

As if he knows what I'm thinking, he turns to me and places a soft kiss on my forehead. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't really have to. That simple gesture makes me feel better already.

"Let's go change and we can go by the mall, see what stores they have there," Jesse says softly.

I nod my head silently and rest my head on his shoulder as we walk back to the hotel which is right on the beach.

"We can't really buy much before we know if it's a boy or a girl you know..." Jesse randomly says 10 minutes later as I'm in the bathroom changing.

"Yeah, I know," I reply, pulling my hair back into a messy bun and shrugging.

"It'll still be nice to look and stuff though," I add, pulling off my bathing suit.

I quickly slip into a cute sundress I bought the other day at a dress boutique. That's one of the best things about Hawaii: a lot of nice little shops.

"You almost ready?" Jesse asks from outside the door.

"Just about," I reply, quickly applying some lip gloss and checking my appearance before walking out of the bathroom.

"Let's get going," he says, smiling softly at me.

"Let's," I reply, grabbing my purse. He takes my free hand in his, stroking the back of it with his thumb as we head out of the hotel.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you enjoying yourself?" My mother asks me over the phone. It's the night before we have to leave, and I'm in a slightly sour mood because of that fact.

"It's been...amazing," I tell her, sighing. "I sort of don't want to come home."

"Well you won't be home for long before you move down to Stanford with Jesse," Mom says.

"Yeah," I reply, glancing over at Jesse who's packing our things. He looks up when he sees me and smiles.

"Well sweetie, I'm going to let you go...you're probably, uhm, busy," Mom says and I let out a small laugh of embarrassment.

"I'll talk to you later, mom," I reply before hanging up the phone and stretching out on the bed.

"She sends her love," I tell Jesse as he zips up his suitcase.

"Isn't that sweet of her?" he asks, getting into bed beside me. I immediately move over and rest my head on his chest as he places his hand on my stomach.

"That tickles," I say softly as he moves his fingers lightly across it.

He laughs and kisses my head softly. "You're adorable," he whispers.

"Thank you, sir," I say, looking up at him briefly before getting off the bed and walking over to the movies that we got earlier.

I pick up The Notebook and smile over at him. When he sees what movie I have, he rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything.

"Good choice," I remark before putting it in the DVD player and returning to lay down beside Jesse.

"I know it's one of your favorites, querida," he says, putting his arm around me and pulling me closer.

I can feel him chuckling at me, and I simply sit up and cross my arms over my chest, pouting for the rest of the movie.

When the movie's over, he turns off the TV and moves over a little bit, wrapping his arms around me and placing a light kiss on my shoulder. "Lo siento, querida," he whispers.

"Whatever," I say, sighing and getting off the bed, removing the DVD and putting it in its case. Looking over at the clock, I nearly gasp as I see that it's already 11:30. Holy shit, when did it get so late?

I sit back down on the bed, moving far away from Jesse. Don't ask me where this bad mood is coming from. Of course, I'm a little ticked off that he laughed at me, but...it just seems to be really getting to me, more than it normally would.

"Look at us, querida, having our first fight as a married couple," Jesse says, chuckling a little until he remembers that that's what got us here in the first place.

I just pout and don't say anything. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed at you," he says, moving over a little bit and reaching for my hand.

"I'm sorry for getting so easily agitated," I sigh, lacing my fingers through his, "I love you, you know that?"

"Of course," he replies, moving closer and bringing my hand to his lips, kissing it softly. "And I love you."

"Best friend and husband," I say, hugging him.

He slowly wraps his arms around me, holding me so close, it's like I can't tell where I end and he begins.

"H...hey Jesse?" I say softly as I breathe in his scent.

"Yeah, querida?" he replies, his arms still wrapped securely around me.

"Do you think that maybe we should...well...I mean, this IS the honeymoon suite..." I stammer out.

He pulls back and swallows thickly. "Will it...hurt the baby?" he asks softly.

"No...no, I don't think so," I reply after a moment. I didn't want to let him know that I had looked that up on the internet the other day, wondering the same thing.

He nods his head and leans down, kissing me softly. "Why don't we order some champagne from room service and...relax in the hot tub?" he asks.

"Okay," I reply and I get up to go change into one of my bathing suits while he orders the champagne.

I come out of the bathroom a moment later as Jesse's hanging up the phone. He looks over at me and a smile flickers across his features.

"I haven't seen that suit," he comments before also getting up.

"Do you like it?" I ask, grinning as he walks over to me, slipping his arms around my waist.

"I'll show you how much I like it after I change and we're in the hot tub. Why don't you start it up?" Jesse suggest, giving me a simple kiss on the lips.

"Ok," I reply, leaning up and kissing him again before going over to the hot tub.

I lean over and quickly turn it on, adjusting the settings as well, when there's a knock on the door that I assume is room service.

I quickly grab my robe and slip it on before going to open the door, smiling as Jesse comes out of the bathroom with his robe on.

"Champagne and...other amenities, at Mr. de Silva's request," the room service man says, wheeling in a tray with a bucket of ice with a bottle of champagne in it, and a silver platter that was covered. Jesse ordered something else?

I look up at Jesse with raised eyebrows. He just gives the man a tip and doesn't say anything to me.

"After you, querida," he says, gesturing to the hot tub as he moves the bucket over by it, as well as the mystery tray.

"So are you going to tell me what's on the mystery tray?" I ask, pulling my robe off before stepping into the hot tub.

"Not yet, you can guess though," he replies, following me in.

"You know me, I'm not good at guessing things," I reply, leaning back and closing my eyes.

"You're not even trying," Jesse says and I hear the sound of champagne opening and being poured into glasses.

Suddenly, I open my eyes and turn to Jesse. "Uh...Jesse...I'm pregnant, I can't have that," I tell him.

"Oh...shit, I forgot that...I'm sorry, let me call and have them bring up some sparkling cider," he says quickly.

He quickly gets out of the hot tub and I sigh, sinking a little deeper into the water and closing my eyes again.

"Uhm yes, I'm sorry but could you have some of your err...best sparkling cider sent up?" I hear Jesse ask into the phone and a moment later he hangs it up.

"It should be here in a moment," he says, sitting on the edge of the tub and reaching for my hand.

I smile at him and squeeze it softly; not expecting the room service to get there so quickly, but it comes with record time.

In a matter of minutes, we're settled in the hot tub, drinking and talking about...well everything from our past to our future, a future I am very much looking forward to.

"So...we've been in here close to half an hour...you going to tell me what's in that mystery tray of yours?" I ask, scooting a little closer to Jesse.

He smiles and shakes his head. "Nahh, I think I'll just keep torturing you," he says.

"You know, you're making this whole 'till death do us part' thing hard," I say, narrowing my eyes at him.

His smile turns into a smirk and he narrows his eyes at me, trying to stare me down.

"Not. Going. To. Work," I say, crossing my arms over my chest and trying to act tough, but a smirk appears on my face against my will.

"Oh, I think it's working, querida," he says, never once blinking or taking his eyes away from me.

"Is it so bad?" I ask, letting out a huge sigh as I have to blink

"What makes you think it's bad?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at me as he steps out of the tub.

"Well, you won't tell me," I say, leaning against the side of the tub.

He smiles at me and lifts the top of the tray and my eyes instantly widen as I sit straight up.

"Jesse!" I exclaim, blushing a little bit.

He brings the tray over, setting it down on a table beside the hot tub. The tray has a plate of chocolate covered strawberries (my favorite!) on it and...well, a box of condoms.

"Jesse...you know...we really don't need those," I say slowly and he sighs. "I know...I realized that when you brought up the champagne thing," he says, blushing slightly.

"It was a nice gesture though," I say, reaching out for his hand. He takes my hand and smiles.

"So do you want to eat in there or...?" Jesse asks me.

"I don't really care, though it is getting a little lonely in here," I reply, moving over to give him room.

"In the hot tub it is," Jesse says before getting back in, moving close to me.

He turns around and grabs a strawberry from the plate, turning back around to face me. I smile at him and open my mouth, letting out a small sigh as I taste the chocolate. This just goes to show how well he knows me, knowing that chocolate covered strawberries are my favorite food.

He continues to feed me them for the next 10 minutes until they're all gone. By now I'm practically on top of him, we're so close.

We sit there in silence, barely breathing. He just gazes up at me with eyes full of love. I lean up and kiss him softly, though the kiss doesn't stay soft for long.

Even though we both have experience in this area, I find myself suddenly very self conscious and nervous as his hand comes in contact with my breast.

I gasp softly and pull away, looking down at him. "I...I'm a little nervous, Jesse," I whisper. I think back to my first time with Paul. I didn't tell him I was nervous, even though I was practically wetting myself from nervousness. I trust Jesse, though, so I know he'll understand.

"I know querida...so am I," Jesse says softly before reaching over and picking me up in his arms; carrying me out of the hot tub and placing me on the bed, where there was a towel spread out.

He positions himself over me and doesn't say a word as he leans down, kissing me so tenderly and lovingly, it makes my heart go crazy inside of my chest. I don't ever remember Paul making me feel like this.

I feel the towel pretty softly against my skin and I look and see him slowly drying me off. I let out a soft sigh and he smiles down at me, giving me a soft, gentle kiss.

I reach my hands up to his face and I let my fingers wander over it, feeling the slight stubble at his chin.

When he's done drying me off, I sit up so that he can get rid of the towel. "Don't be nervous," he whispers.

"You know what? I think it's starting to ebb away," I tell him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He smiles and nods his head. "Good," he replies, sliding his arms around me and pulling me closer.

"When's the last time that you...you know?" I ask him.

"About a week after the prom," he tells me. "Just a few days before...well, Kelly and I broke up."

"Oh," I say softly and he leans down to kiss me again.

"How...how about you?" he asks, gently pushing me back against the pillows.

"Uhm...wow, I guess it was...3 days before I found out I was pregnant?" I say, not really remembering.

He nods his head and whispers, "I was just wondering." I nod in reply and lean up, kissing him.

We remain kissing for at least 10 minutes until I feel his hand slowly venture back towards my breast.

I let out a soft moan, my nervousness totally gone by now. Actually, it feels right, like the whole world is falling into place.

"That feels good," I whisper, pressing myself closer to him.

He doesn't say anything as his hands keep working their magic. I let out a higher, breathier moan as I feel the cold air on my bare chest when he removes the top of my bikini.

"Now we're even," he says and I let out a small giggle before sitting up and looking at him.

He gently runs his hands all over my chest. "You're so..." he whispers, leaning down and pressing his lips to my neck, slowly traveling down. "Beautiful."

"Mmm, thank you," I reply as he slowly pleasures my upper body, his hands so different from Paul's.

Actually, now that I think about it, everything about him is completely different than Paul. Jesse's touches and kisses are gentle and loving while Paul's were...kind of territorial.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy them, because I did, I did a lot, but I love knowing that there's someone like Jesse out there to make me really feel loved.

My breath hitches a little as I feel his hands start to slide my bikini bottoms down my legs. He looks down at me, as if asking my permission to continue.

As a reply of sorts, I place my hands over his and help him slide them off of me.

In a few moments, we're both naked, and I have never felt as comfortable with Paul as I do now.

"Are you sure you don't feel weird about this, querida?" Jesse asks me as he's lying beside me, looking deeply into my eyes, "I mean, we've been best friends since 7th grade...we can't go back after we do what we're about to do."

I reach out and softly touch his cheek. "I've never been surer of anything, Jesse," I whisper. "You have been there for me when I thought I was totally alone. I love you more than anything in the world."

A smile flickers onto his handsome face and he places his hand over mine, sliding his fingers through my fingers.

"I love you too," he replies, leaning over to kiss me. "I will always be here for you. You are never alone."

"You mean so much to me," I sigh softly.

He smiles and kisses me softly. "You'll never know how much," I continue as he moves so that he's hovering over me.

He leans down a little bit and slides his arms around my body so that he's holding me, his arousal pressed against my lower abdomen and I realize that I haven't really looked at it...

My eyes flicker down for a moment but then they go right back up to his face so he won't catch me looking at it. Three words, my friends: oh my God. I hear him chuckle softly and a blush slowly spreads across his features.

"S...Sorry," I mumble, averting my eyes from his. He chuckles again and shakes his head. "It's all right, querida," he says softly.

"I don't want to make you feel embarrassed that I'm...comparing you or something, because I'm not," I say quickly.

"It's ok, querida," he says again, still smiling.

I smile weakly back and whisper, "Ok, enough talking."

"I really don't mind, it gives me reason to be egotistical," Jesse says, grinning and I let out a small laugh before running my hands down his chest slowly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I reply, grinning up at him. He leans down and kisses me slowly and passionately.

My hand ventures even lower until I hear him gasp against my lips, the gasp quickly turning into a moan.

I smile into our kiss, knowing this is a good sign. It's a little different, though, because it never took Paul that long to...well, you know.

"Should I stop?" I ask Jesse, this on my mind.

He lets out a deep moan and shakes his head. "N…No," he mumbles, taking a deep breath.

I smile a little before taking my lower lip in between my teeth softly, glancing back down at what I was doing to him with my hand.

He lets out a slew of Spanish as I keep pleasuring him. Paul never reacted like this. I think it might be because Jesse's less experienced.

"Dios Susannah...that feels so good..." Jesse moans deeply.

I smile and lean up to kiss him, my hand moving faster and faster until he lets out a long, deep moan and comes all over my hand.

He rests his head against my collarbone, breathing in deeply for a minute or so before he looks up at me, hunger in his eyes.

Suddenly, his lips are on mine with more passion than ever before. I moan softly into his mouth and wrap my arms tightly around him.

His lips move down to my neck, kissing me over and over on the places that elicit the most moans of pleasure from my mouth.

"Jesse...oh my God, Jesse," I moan as he kisses his way down my body until his head is between my thighs.

A low, guttural sound escapes from my mouth, something that had NEVER come out of it before, but all of a sudden it came out of my mouth.

Paul has never done this. Whenever he'd get close, he'd stop for reasons I don't know, but whatever. I'm having trouble forming coherent thoughts here.

"J...Jesse...that...oh god that feels amazing...don't stop, don't stop," I moan out over and over again, shivers constantly running up and down my spine.

I can't even tell you how I'm feeling right now. It's like he's lit a fire deep in my stomach that gets bigger and bigger every time he flicks his tongue.

"Does this feel good, querida?" Jesse asks me, his voice deep with desire and I practically scream that it does.

"It does, Jesse!" I cry, my hands balling into fists as I try not to scream. "Oh my God, Jesse...don't stop."

"I won't, don't worry," Jesse says before continuing in his ministrations diligently.

Moments later, I collapse in my release, breathing heavily. "Oh...my...God," I whisper as he crawls up my body, kissing me softly.

"Jesse...that was...oh my god," I say, running my hands through his thick, dark hair.

He grins down at me and presses his lips against mine. "Paul," I continue. "He never...he never..." He understands what I mean and chuckles a little, kissing me again.

"Then I am glad that I got to first," Jesse says, nuzzling the crook of my neck with his nose softly.

I let out a soft sigh and take a few more deep breaths before whispering, "Jesse...make love to me."

I feel his actions halt momentarily before he looks into my eyes, his eyes so dark and so beautiful, and the corner of his mouth rises in a small smile.

"As you wish, querida," he whispers and what follows is absolutely the greatest night of my life.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you again, so much, to our reviewers, and our readers, your reviews put smiles on our faces Hope you enjoy this chap!

Chapter 8

"Susie! Over here sweetie!" Mom exclaims, waving her hand excitedly from where she stands with Andy and my 3 stepbrothers.

"Can we go back?" I whisper to Jesse who laughs and takes my hand. "Come on, querida, they're not that bad," he whispers back.

"I guess not THAT bad...but at least we're moving down to Stanford next week," I say, putting on a big smile. Jesse had called up the college administrations people, or whoever it is that you call to deal with dorm rooms and whatever, and it turns out that they have special dorm rooms for married students, which is pretty much perfect because it means that Jesse and I get to live on campus, and for cheaper than if we went to look for an apartment in the city.

"There's my baby!" my mother squeals and I glare over at Jesse, as if telling him they ARE that bad.

"Look at you, you look like a married woman," she says, sighing as she hugs me tightly.

"I missed you too, mom," I say to her after she pulls away, grinning at me. "Hope you have pictures!" she exclaims.

"Yes, we do, but right now I think the both of us want to sleep," I say, laughing a little bit.

"Oh, of course," she replies. "Boys, get Suze and Jesse's bags!" Brad and Jake mumble something in reply while David's asking us all sorts of questions about Honolulu.

Jesse protested at Brad and Jake carrying his bags, but mom wouldn't see it any other way, "Was it everything you were looking forward to?" she asks us a few minutes later as we get into two separate cars; Jake, Brad, and David in Jake's Camaro, and the rest of us in mom and Andy's car.

"That and more," I reply as Jesse and I get into the back seat. Yawning, I rest my head on Jesse's shoulder and close my eyes.

"How did you enjoy yourself Jesse?" Mom asks, turning around in her seat to smile at us. "It was beautiful, Mrs. Ackerman," he says, smiling back at her.

He slips his arm around my waist and presses a kiss to my forehead. "But it took a lot out of us," he continues.

"That's to be expected, it WAS your honeymoon. You only get one of those, well most of the time. Oh, and Jesse, call me Helen," Mom says, smiling broadly at us.

Jesse nods his head and I let out a soft sigh, snuggling up to him. He doesn't say anything, just holds me closer and kisses my forehead again.

"You two are so cute, aren't they adorable Andy?" Mom says and I merely smile as I close my eyes, loving being close to Jesse.

I just tune them out, my breath falling in time with Jesse's. I think about moving out to Stanford with Jesse, having the baby and spending a lifetime with him. It doesn't get much better than this.

Last night was absolutely...magical. That's the only word that I can think of to describe it.

I have always been against using the terribly clichéd phrase "making love" but that's what we did last night. He was so tender and sweet and...just absolutely wonderful.

I called it making love before, well that's what I described it as, when I was with Paul, but I know now that this was absolutely not what I was doing.

I loved sex with Paul. Don't get me wrong, he was good at what he did. But Jesse...words can't even describe it. Seriously. I'm speechless.

And to think, Paul boasted about his ego, and his size for that matter, and yet here's Jesse, who had sex maybe 3 times before me, was just...I was speechless afterwards.

The love I have for Jesse goes so much deeper than my love for Paul. He's always been there for me, always been my friend. I've seen him with Kelly; he never even so much as looked at another girl while they were together. Paul was always flirting with other girls whenever he got the chance.

He didn't do it like openly, in front of my face, but I would see him now and again laughing with some girl with a pair of mile long legs. Of course, he always apologized as soon as I brought it up, and he always knew the perfect way to make me forgive him.

I sigh softly and open my eyes. Jesse looks down at me, frowning. "What's on your mind, querida?" he asks softly.

"I just love you so much..." I whisper so that my mom and Andy won't overhear.

He smiles and nods his head. "I love you too," he whispers. "But really, what were you thinking about?"

"Just how you're so much better to me than Paul was," I say, running my fingers through his hair.

I run my hand down his cheek, resting it on his neck. He continues to smile at me and shakes his head. "Try not to think about him, querida," he says softly.

"I know, and I very rarely do anymore," I say, hating that I'm lying to him, but I don't want to worry him or anything.

"I'm glad," he replies. "I hate him for what he did to you." I sigh and nod my head. They used to be best friends, too. I hate that I tore them apart.

After I told Jesse what happened, he just stopped talking to Paul. He didn't even have to think twice about it either, as he told me just recently.

When I asked him why, he told me because I was there for him when his father died, when no one else was there for him. That, of course, made me love him even more.

"Okay, we're here. Let's get your stuff inside and then you two can relax for the rest of the day," Mom says, looking back at us as we pull up to the house.

I nod my head and get out of the car with Jesse, my hand in his the whole time. I could hear my mom let out a sigh and whisper, "They're so cute!" to Andy.

I let out a small giggle and Jesse picks up a few suitcases in the hand that isn't in mine, leading me then to the house.

He holds the door open for me (always the gentleman), smiling that dazzling smile down at me. "After you, madam," he says softly.

"Thank you," I say, walking in and smiling as I look around the place, which has been cleaned up a little bit since I last saw it, but besides that, it's exactly the same as I remember.

While I'll always love returning to this house, the house I've lived in since I was six, I can't wait to get out of here and start my life with Jesse.

"I'm going to take these up to your room, querida," Jesse says to me, "do you want to come, or do you want to wait down here?"

"I'll come up with you," I reply, taking his free hand in mine and squeezing it.

"We're right behind you," Jake says from behind us and I look back and see him carrying our last 2 suitcases.

"Wow, we brought a lot, didn't we?" I ask, giggling a little as Jesse and I walk up the stairs.

"The 4th suitcase was mostly empty though, because remember, you wanted to make sure we had enough room to bring everything back," Jesse reminds me.

"Yeah," I reply, opening the door to my room and grinning. Just as I left it.

Jake follows us in and unceremoniously dumps the bags in an empty corner in my room before heading out.

"Mmmm, alone at last," I say, sitting down and pulling Jesse down with me. "That car ride seemed like a million years."

"It was only an hour, querida," Jesse says, grinning at me, and then he's leaning in and about to kiss me when I let out a scream, my head whipping to look over at the open window and the...the THING that had walked in through it.

"Oh my God, get it out!!!" I screech backing up on the bed, wanting to put enough distance between me and the...well, I guess it was a cat.

"Susannah, calm down, it's just a cat," Jesse says, standing up and walking slowly over to it.

He sits down on the window seat and reaches out to pet the cat who purrs and instantly moves closer to him.

"Aww he likes me. Come here Susannah, and pet him," Jesse says to me, holding out his hand for me to grab.

I hesitantly take Jesse's hand and sit down beside him, reaching out to pet the cat but instantly pulling my hand away when it hisses at me.

I decide not to take any more chances and I stand up, moving quickly back to the bed.

"Come on, Susannah," Jesse says, scratching the top of the cats head while it purrs happily. "Don't be afraid of a small cat.

"Small? Cat? Jesse, darling. There is nothing smallish or cattish about that thing. It has one ear for Christ's sake!" I exclaim.

"What should we name him?" Jesse asks as if I hadn't spoken. I let out a humorless chuckle and shake my head. "We're not naming him anything because we're not keeping him!" I exclaim.

"Querida, we can't just abandon him! What if he gets ran over by a car?" Jesse says, his tone defensive.

I purse my lips and fold my arms over my chest. "That cat does NOT like me," I tell him.

"Yes he does, he's just shy Susannah," Jesse says, picking him up and setting him in his lap.

I frown a little but seeing him so happy kind of makes me happy. I love seeing that smile on his face.

"We're not allowed to have pets in a dorm room anyways, Jesse," i say, sighing.

"Oh yeah, you're right," he replies, frowning a little as the cat sits happily on his lap.

"Maybe we can pawn him off to Adam or to Cee Cee," I suggest when I see the frown.

"Yeah, maybe," he replies distractedly as he strokes the cat's head.

"Hey, perk up mister," I say, sitting as close to him as I dare, since that thing is on his lap.

He smiles and lifts the cat off of his lap, moving closer to me. "Come here, querida," he whispers, taking me in his arms.

I smile up at him as I scoot a little bit closer to him, the slowly sinking sun casting a glow around his head.

Wrapping his arms around me, he presses a soft kiss against my hair. "When do we tell your parents about the baby?" he asks, voicing a question I've had on my mind a lot lately.

"In a few weeks? I mean, it has to look like it's taken us by surprise, if we let them know already it will look like we were planning for one," I suggest.

He nods his head silently before turning me around in his arms, resting his forehead against mine. I just smile up at him before pressing my lips to his.

His lips softly caress my own and I let out a soft sigh of happiness, moving my hand to entwine with his.

His free hand cups my cheek as he gently slides his tongue into my mouth. "Mmmm...querida," he moans softly,

"Stupid cat can't do this can it?" I mutter under my breath, but of course, Jesse still hears me.

He pulls back, a small smile on his face. "Did you think...querida, were you comparing yourself to him?" he asks, his eyebrows raised.

"Of course not," I scoff, folding my arms across my chest.

"Because you know that no one and nothing could ever compare to you," he says softly, reaching out and taking my hand.

"Including the cat?" I ask, looking over at it. It appeared to be grooming itself, but you never know...

He chuckles and nods his head. "Including the cat," he repeats, smiling down at me.

"Okay. I guess I can believe you, even though I know you're lying," I say breezily before standing up and walking over to my suitcase.

He suddenly comes up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist, whispering, "I love you," in my ear.

"I love you too," I say, smiling at him softly.

Turning around, I slide my arms around him, pulling him closer. "Good," he replies. "Because if you didn't, I'd be sad."

"Why don't we unpack a little bit?" I suggest but Jesse shakes his head.

"We're moving again in 3 days, why bother?" he says.

"Yeah, good point," I reply, leaning up and kissing him.

"Take a bubble bath with me?" I ask him softly, reaching out and locking my door. My whole body was so tense right now from the plane ride/car ride home.

"I'd like nothing more," he replies, grinning down at me and kissing my forehead softly.

Now don't go get dirty thoughts in your head. We actually did just take a bubble bath, which amounts to just relaxing in the water as it slowly got cooler and cooler over the period of an hour. I think I actually dozed off at one point. We may be newlyweds and all, but that's NOT all we think about...even if we both were naked and pressed up against each other.

A little while later, as we're lying in bed just wearing our robes, I remind him, "We need to go shopping for the dorm."

"We will, once we're there," Jesse says softly, running the back of his hand up and down my face.

I sigh and close my eyes, smiling a little. "I love it when you do that," I whisper.

I hear a small chuckle escape from his mouth as he continues to do it. I love it so much because it's something that just makes me feel so close to him, so cherished and loved, and yet it also has a touch of intimacy to it.

I don't know how long we just lay there like that before I fall asleep, waking up hours later with Jesse's arms around me.

"Jesse, I'm hungry," I mumble, shivering and pulling the covers up over my shoulders. It may be early July, but the nights are still pretty chilly.

"What would you like?" he asks, pressing a kiss against my neck before getting up and going to close the window.

"Uhhhhmmm...Doritos, the Cool Ranch kind, aaaand rocky road ice cream, aaaaand Vanilla Coke," I say almost immediately.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Whatever you want, querida," he says before leaving the room.

I stretch a little bit before getting up and walking to my dresser, taking out a nightie and putting that on in place of my robe.

Ten minutes later, Jesse appears in the room with everything I asked for, plus the movies Titanic and Pride and Prejudice. "I didn't know which one you'd prefer," he explained.

"Both, of course," I say, letting out a small giggle as I collect the food items from him.

"I figured as much," he replies, putting Titanic in the DVD player before getting into bed with me.

He tries, unsuccessfully of course, to mooch off of MY food a few times during the movie, but I put him in his place by smacking away his hand and pulling the food closer to my body.

By the time both movies are over, it's nearly midnight, but I'm wired of course from all of the food.

"I can't fall asleep now, Jesse. Why did you have to let me drink all that soda?" I ask him, frowning as he turns off the TV.

He laughs a little and kisses me softly. "Please, Susannah, you're always like this around this time of night," he says.

"I am not," I deny as Jesse lies down on the bed next to me, placing his hand on the curve of my hip.

"Yes you are," he insists, his eyes gazing into mine. I suddenly lean forward and kiss him intensely, catching him completely by surprise.

He doesn't seem to mind though, as he rolls over on top of me, propping himself up with his strong arms as we kiss passionately.

I slide my hands up underneath his shirt, smiling a little as Jesse lets out a soft moan.

"Querida...your mom and Andy are right below us...David is next door...oh god...Brad and Jake are a few rooms down..." Jesse says in slight protest.

I just keep kissing him, my hands moving all over his skin. "Mmmm...oh, Susannah," he whispers between kisses.

"Keep it down Jesse," I scold lightly, a smile forming on my face as I continue to kiss him.

I lift his shirt over his head, breaking the kiss for only a moment before kissing him again, more passionately this time.

My hands linger at his face, my favorite sight in the world, before lingering slowly down his neck and onto his chest, where I feel the light dusting of hair, stroking it softly.

He pulls away and lets out a shattered breath, resting his forehead against mine and closing his eyes, his hands sliding down my arms and clasping my hands, twining our fingers together.

"Te adoro, querida," Jesse whispers, his dark liquid eyes gazing into mine as his chest rises and falls.

For some reason, this brings tears to my eyes. "I...I love you too," I reply, trying to blink the tears away but they just fall out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

"Querida...what are you crying about?" he asks in slight alarm, reaching up immediately to wipe them away.

I shake my head and let out a laugh. "I don't know," I reply, smiling at him through my tears. "Stupid hormones."

"There's nothing stupid about them," Jesse says, sitting up and scooping me into his arms.

I just smile and lean up to kiss him. "You're perfect," I whisper, reaching up and gently touching his face.

"Far from it, querida. I have all sorts of imperfections, like this," he says, guiding my fingers to the scar over his left eyebrow, "and that's only the most visible one."

I run over the scar lightly with my fingers and let out a soft sigh. "I remember when you got this," I say, smiling a little.

"That was not the most amusing day in the world," Jesse says, chuckling softly.

My face breaks out into a grin and I shake my head. "No, it wasn't...well, not for you anyway," I reply.

A small scowl forms on his face, but it's replaced a moment later as I lean down and kiss him softly on the lips.

What happened after that...well, it was even more magical than last night. I can tell it's only going to get better as time goes on.

The rest of our stay in Carmel is spent in pretty much the same, lazy way. During the days we spend time with my mother and stuff, but at night it's all about us.

Finally, the day comes when we pack up and leave Carmel behind. I share a tearful goodbye with Cee Cee and Adam but they promise to come out and visit when they get a chance.

I won't even BEGIN to describe the partings with my mother and Andy, and even David. They were all hysterical in tears...well maybe hysterical is over exaggerating, but it really seemed that way.

I wanted to tell them about the baby before we left, but the timing just wasn't right. Like Jesse said before, we can't seem like we were planning on it.

I figure that 2 weeks or so after we're settled in I will call mom, and inform her that's I'm, gasp, pregnant.

When we finally arrive at the Stanford campus, I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed. I almost wish that we'd stayed back in Carmel.

There are so many people here, so many gorgeous, tanned, and braniac future lawyers and business men, and doctor's in Jesse's case.

And the girls are no exception. Practically all of them were staring at him and whispering to their friends about him. On one hand, I really can't blame them I mean he IS gorgeous but he's MINE.

I can tell already that this place isn't going to be very different from JSMA. I mean, sure there won't be any Kelly Prescott's, Debbie Mancuso's, or Paul Slater's, but I'm sure there will be people VERY similar to them.

The biggest difference, though, is that Jesse and I will be living together. I'm still trying to get used to that fact.

Sure he's been living with me for about 3 weeks now, but it's so much different now that it's, well, permanent.

And, of course, there's no adult supervision. And no step-brothers. Yes, this is going to be a lot better.

"Home sweet home," Jesse says as we get out and look around.

"It's a lot different than Carmel," I say as he slides his arm around my waist and we walk into the dorm building.

Jesse gets our room number and our key from some guy whose name I'm not interested in finding out, and we quickly walk up to it.

I expect Jesse to just put the key in the lock and open the door but before I know what's going on, he's picked me up, a huge grin on his face.

"Jesse! Put me down people are staring!" I exclaim, blushing even though I know the rest of this floor is for married students also.

He laughs and twirls me around before carrying me into the room. As he does this, I can hear some of the girls whispering, "Aww, that's so cute."

"Here we are," Jesse says, kissing me softly as he sets me down.

"A place of our own," I say quietly, smiling before kissing him again.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you so so so so much to all of our reviewers, you guys make us smile D

Disclaimer: We own nothing from Mediator

Chapter 9

It was actually pretty nice for a dorm room. There was a small living area, and a counter which I guess would serve as a makeshift kitchen once we bought a mini fridge and a microwave. Beyond this, there were 3 doors.

"Wow, this place is great," I say and he nods in agreement. "Come on, let's check out the rest," he replies.

"Let's," I say, taking his hand in mine and leading him towards door number one.

The bedroom is pretty big, big enough to fit us and the baby at least. "I can't believe all of this is actually happening," I say softly to him.

"Well it is, so keep on believing," Jesse says, squeezing my hand softly.

I grin and lean up, kissing him softly. He squeezes my hand again before letting go. "I'll be right back, I'm just gonna get some of our stuff," he says.

"I'll be here," I call after him before checking out the other two rooms. One turns out to be a linen closet or something like that, and the other is a small bathroom. Toilet, shower, sink, nothing special.

It doesn't take us long to get all moved in so we decide to explore the campus a little. Ok, he decides. I personally would rather have Jesse all to myself.

"Have you decided what you're going to do during the day while I'm at class?" Jesse asks me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Well, I want to see if I can enroll in some online courses so I can still take classes when the baby comes," I tell him, slipping my arm around his waist as we walk together.

"That sounds like a great idea," Jesse says softly to me, and even though I know there are at least 5 girls around us looking at him with their best sex appeal looks, I know Jesse hasn't even paid them any attention at all. None of them.

I suddenly stop and turn to him, sliding my arms around his neck and kissing him tenderly. "What was that for?" he asks as we pull apart.

"Just to let everyone know that they need to back off before they even start," I say, giggling a little.

He laughs and presses his lips against mine. "Why don't we head back up to the dorm? I'm sick of walking," he whispers against my lips.

"You know, even though you are almost a college man, we can't just stay holed up in the dorm all day," I say, though not objecting.

"We have plenty of time for exploring later," he says, kissing me again.

"Oh, all right," I say detaching myself from him but only for a minute, jumping up on his back quickly after, holding onto him tightly.

He laughs and I see a few girls looking at us...well more at him. He, of course, doesn't even notice and starts running away with me on his back like I weigh nothing.

"Ahhh! Be careful Jesse!" I squeal, pressing my face against his neck so that the wind won't make my eyes water.

"Am I ever anything but?" he asks, laughing a little as we run all the way up to our dorm room.

"You're awful strong there mister," I say in a flirty voice as he puts me down, "you didn't break a sweat or anything."

"Thanks," he says, his voice dropping to a manly grunt and I suppress the urge to giggle. "I uh...work out a lot."

"I can see, what with your strong muscles and all. They're so thick; I can't even fit both my hands over them!" I exclaim, giving my hair a little twist around my finger.

He flashes a grin at me and says, "Well then, what are we just standing here talking for?" He picks me up and I let out a loud squeal. "Let's get to lovin', babe."

"Oh, I couldn't, I just couldn't put my virtue at stake like that, mama always warned me about boys like youuuuu," I say, and it's pretty hard not to burst out laughing.

"Well, mama's not always right," he replies, carrying me into the bedroom.

"But, but it's in the bible!" I exclaim.

"Wait, you aren't...married, are you?" he asks as if the very thought were appalling.

"Yes! And he's going to rip your head off when he finds out what you're doing to me!" I said in an aghast tone.

"Forget him, babe," Jesse says, leaning down and kissing me. "It's time you found yourself a real man."

"Oh, well you ought to tell me when one comes by," I say against his lips.

He chuckles a little bit before kissing me intensely. I can feel the kiss all the way in my soul.

"My priest will never, ever talk to me again, I can't!" I say, and let me tell you now, it is VERY hard to talk when Jesse is kissing me this way.

"You may say you can't, but I know better," he whispers against my mouth and I can feel his lips curve into a smile.

"Sir, my virtue!" I cry out, my voice breathy.

"You know, if anyone were to overhear us, they'd think I'm raping you or something," he says softly, chuckling a little.

"Maybe, but then they'd come in and see this incredibly sexy man on top of me, and they wouldn't think it was even possible," I reply.

"Incredibly sexy man?" he repeats, looking around the room. "Are you seeing someone else?"

"Well, unless this thing on top of me is a woman, and I never knew about it, then I mean you. You who happens to be very close to stealing my virtue," I say.

"Your virtue was gone long before I came around," he says, leaning down to kiss me but I stop him, backing away. What was he implying?

"What exactly are you implying?" I ask, any trace of silliness out of my voice now.

His eyebrows furrow for a moment before his eyes widen. "Oh, Susannah...I wasn't implying anything," he tells me.

"What did you mean then?" I ask, frowning slightly up at him.

"I...I..." he stammers, frowning as he tries to think of the words. "What, do you think I'm a slut because I slept with Paul?" I ask. "Because that's kind of what it sounded like."

"No, of course not querida...I, I just, it slipped out, I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way," Jesse says quickly.

I fold my arms over my chest, continuing to frown. "I just...I don't know, I thought that's what you meant," I say quietly.

Jesse lets out a sigh before sitting up and reaching over for me, but I merely stand up and walk out of the room, shutting, well slamming would be a more accurate term, the door behind me.

Now normally, I would stomp off to my room and sit on my bed and brood for hours but there's no bed to sit on. Well, there is but it's been used before. Gross.

Plus, Jesse's in the only bedroom right now, so I'm stuck with just stomping out of the dorm all together.

Of course, Jesse follows me out and tries to apologize. "Susannah, please, I didn't mean it like that," he says.

"Leave me alone Jesse, I need to take a walk," I say as I continue to head for the stairs.

Since he knows better than to follow me any further, I hear him head back to the dorm room. I let out a soft sigh and walk slowly down the hallway, thankful that he just left me alone.

"Bad day?" a random male voice asks me and I swear I nearly sucker punch him right there for scaring me so badly.

This must show on my face because he laughs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he says.

"NEVER do that again. You almost wound up in a lot of pain," I say, bringing a hand to my chest.

"I'll keep that in mind," he replies, still laughing a little. After I catch my breath, I give him a small smile.

"So, are you going to tell me your name?" I ask him, giving him a quick once over.

"Of course, now rude of me," he says, extending his hand as he continues, "Tad Beaumont. And you would be?"

"Suze Sim--de Silva," I say, laughing a little as I start to say my old last name.

"It's nice to meet you," he says. "Would you like someone to walk with?"

I'm about to say no thank you, that I should be heading back, when I realize that all of my anger hasn't really dissipated yet, "Sure, why not?" I instead reply.

"Ahh, I was hoping you'd say that," he says, grinning and starting to walk beside me.

"So, why did you choose Stanford?" he asks me conversationally.

"It's a long...long story," I tell him, sighing and shaking my head. "I'd have you here for days."

"Aww, well you need to tell it to me one day. We could go out and grab a bite to eat or something," Tad suggests.

I wonder if he means like, on a date or something. My suspicions are confirmed when he tries to put his arm around my shoulders.

"Listen Tad...I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression..." I say, moving away from his arm and then holding up my left hand for him to see the ring around my finger.

His eyes widen slightly and he laughs a little, nodding his head. "Oh, I understand," he says. "It's cool."

"Okay, just thought I'd get that out there in the open," I say to him.

"Well, we're allowed to be friends, right?" he asks, smiling a little. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Nope, nothing wrong with that," I reply, smiling back at him. He really was very good looking now that I thought about it, but I knew I shouldn't even be thinking about his looks.

"So, why'd you choose Stanford?" I ask him as we keep walking to nowhere in particular.

"Easy, I want to be a lawyer, and Stanford is one of the best law schools on the west coat. Plus, it's relatively close to where I grew up," Tad answers.

"Wow, a lawyer," I say, sighing. Paul wanted to be a lawyer. Ugh, come on Suze, don't think about him.

"Something wrong about being a lawyer?" he asks tentatively, and I don't blame him, I probably seem like some weird freak already.

"No, nothing, I'm sure you'll be a great lawyer," I tell him, giving him my best smile, though I don't know if it's very convincing.

"You have something against lawyers, I can tell," he says, smirking down at me.

"It's nothing, really," I say hastily, looking down at my feet. Suddenly, I look back up and say, "Well, my ex wanted to be a lawyer...it's no big deal, really."

"Aha, that's why there's resentment towards my soon to be profession," Tad says and I nod my head.

And just like that, I find myself spilling out my entire life to this guy. When I say my entire life, I really mean it: how my dad died when I was six all the way up to getting pregnant and marrying Jesse.

I'm actually very surprised that he never chose to just get up and run in the opposite direction, screaming for people to stay away from the crazy chick, but he didn't. We ended up finding a spot beneath a humongous oak tree and that's where I spent the next hour and a half talking.

When I finish, he just says softly, "Wow, you've been through a lot, huh?" I laugh a little and nod my head before sighing. "Yeah, I guess I have," I reply.

"Well, Susannah Simon-de Silva. Know that I'm here if you ever want to talk about things that are going on, I have a great pair of ears," Tad says to me.

"Thanks, Tad," I reply, smiling. "I'm just surprised you didn't start running when I started babbling."

"I couldn't run away from a pretty girl, it's against my nature," Tad says jokingly.

I start laughing and shake my head. "You're funny, Mr. Beaumont," I say just as there's a clap of thunder and rain starts to fall from the sky.

"Shit!" he exclaims as I shriek and try to cover my head, which is pretty much useless.

"Let's go back inside," he says, putting his hand on the small of my back as we nearly run back to the dorm building.

"Oh my god...that came out of nowhere!" I exclaim, shaking my hair out and knowing that my mascara was probably running now. Great. "Hey, you live in the same dorm building as me?"

"Nope," he says, as we hurry into the building. "I'm in a fraternity."

"Oh? Which one?" I ask him.

"Kappa Alpha," he tells me and I nod my head in reply. "Well, I'd better go," I say quietly. "Thanks for everything, really."

"No problem. I'll see you around, Suze," Tad says before leaning down and kissing my cheek. It was friendly enough, but I still felt my cheeks flame.

"See you," I say as he walks away. I let out a soft sigh and turn around, heading up to the dorm room. It really felt good to get everything off my chest.

I make my way up the 3 flights of stairs, never being one for elevators, don't ask me why, and then I walk down the hall one, two, three doors until I reach ours, mine and Jesse's that is.

As I walk into the room, I see Jesse's worried face. "Oh my god, querida, where have you been?" he asks.

"Out," I say somewhat warily, realizing that I probably look like a wreck, but I'm still not completely over that comment Jesse made earlier.

"I've been worried about you," he says softly, reaching out to touch my face but I move away.

"I'm going to go clean up, kay?" I say, not waiting for an answer before I quickly snatch up a t-shirt and a pair of boxers from my bag and head into the bathroom, knowing very well that I was acting like a moody teenager.

After getting a shower and putting on the fresh clothes, I go back into the living room, nearly dropping my dirty clothes when I see what Jesse had set up while I was in the shower.

There were dozens of different food items that Jesse knew were my favorite all lain on top of a blanket, and candles set out at various places in the room, casting a romantic glow around the room. Well, it would be romantic if I still wasn't pissed off. A word of warning, don't piss me off, especially when I'm pregnant, because I hold grudges. For a while.

I just shake my head and go into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me and locking the door. I can tell it's going to be a long, sleepless night.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Thank you to all of our wonderful reviewers, of course. You guys are wonnnnderful We won't be able to post again until next Sunday, so we apologize, but we promise that chapter will be extra long, we hope you enjoy this one

Disclaimer: We don't own Mediator…Meg Cabot does

**Chapter 10**

I wake up the next morning sometime in the late morning, at least I think it is. There's nothing in the room to tell time. I regretted locking myself in the room the moment I did it last night. Why, you ask? Well first of all, I had to sleep on the disgusting mattress, no sheets or anything. I mean who KNEW how many other married people have stayed in this dorm? And we all know what married college students like to do...well that is all married college students except Jesse and me.

Sitting up, I stretch my arms, yawning. For a moment, I forget that I'm mad at Jesse but then yesterday starts coming back to me.

I can't believe he practically called me a slut. And there we were having fun being all flirty and whatnot, and he had to go and spoil it by saying something like that!

I'd really been trying hard not to think of Paul but Jesse just brought it all back when he said that. Even thinking about it made me feel like a slut.

I walk over to the window and open it, letting in some fresh air, even though it was stifling and we had AC in the dorm room.

After a while, I decide to go out into the living room. I can't just sit here in the bedroom all day.

I walk over to the door and hesitate before unlocking it slowly, turning the handle a moment later and walking out into the main area.

I see Jesse still asleep on the floor, the candles still set up around the room but they've been blown out. I find myself just staring at him for a moment before sighing and turning away.

I make my way back to the bathroom after grabbing one of my favorite slip dresses and some new underwear, wanting to wash the nasty mattress germs off my body.

Half an hour later when I'm all clean again, I walk out of the bathroom and see Jesse sitting up, rubbing his eyes like he just woke up.

"Querida," he says softly as he focuses in on me walking out as quietly as I can.

"Morning," I mumble, averting my eyes from his. I can still feel him looking at me as I go into the kitchen, looking for food.

I grab a carton of Chinese noodles that I assume were from last night, taking a few soy sauce packets as well to go along with it.

"Are you...I mean I...how...how are you feeling?" he stammers, not moving from his spot on the floor.

"I'm fine," I say shortly, taking some chop sticks and leaning against the counter as I pick through the carton.

He lets out a slightly frustrated sigh and buries his face in his hands. I say nothing, taking a few bites of food, the silence in the room seeming so loud.

I'm about halfway through the noodles, which could use a few seconds in a microwave might I add, but of course we have no microwave yet. Or refrigerator. When I decide to break the silence.

"We should go shopping today," I say quietly, putting the carton down on the counter and folding my arms across my chest.

Jesse doesn't make a response to this, well at least not a verbal one. What he does do is get up off of the floor and walk over to me, which takes a grand total of three Jesse steps, and he kisses me. I'm not talking simple peck on the lips kiss either. I'm talking tongue thrust in my mouth, body pressed against mine, the whole works.

This takes me completely by surprise so for a few moments I just stand there in total shock. He pulls away, breathing heavily as he gazes intensely down at me.

"W...what the fuck?" I exclaim, totally taken aback by this.

His eyebrows furrow and I shove him away. "What, you think I'm such a slut that you can just come up and kiss me like that and everything will be okay???" I ask angrily.

"Querida, I don't think that at all," Jesse says, his voice taking on, I think, a desperate pitch.

I let out a frustrated groan and attempt to walk away, but he grabs my arm. "Don't do this," he says softly.

"Do what? Be mad because you hurt my feelings Jesse?" I demand.

"How many times do I have to apologize?" he exclaims. "I didn't mean it that way; you know I would never EVER think that about you!"

"Well you did when you said it, obviously," I say bitterly, a scowl on my face sour enough to turn fresh milk bad.

"I don't know what to do, Susannah!" he says, his voice taking on that desperate tone, though now there's a hint of frustration. "What can I do to make it better?"

"I don't know!" I cry also partly frustration. I'm frustrated with myself for some of the bad choices I've made in the past, the ones like ever sleeping with Paul Slater.

He lets out a long sigh and moves closer to me. "I'm sorry," he says in a soft, gentle tone. "For everything. For what Paul did to you, for what I said last night. Everything. You know I would take the pain away if I could."

I pout slightly and fold my arms across my chest, looking away from him, "Querida," Jesse continues, reaching out and taking my chin in his hand, steering my face in his direction.

I sigh and close my eyes, opening them again after a moment. "Please," he whispers. "Please don't do this."

"I'm no doing anything, Jesse. I'm acting like anyone would in this circumstance," I retort.

He drops his hand and sighs. "I know," he says. "You have every right to be mad."

"Absolutely," I agree, nodding my head.

"What I said was wrong," he continues. "But you can't keep pushing me away while I'm trying to make it right."

"I'm allowed to be angry, Jesse," I countered, though somewhat weakly.

"Then I'm allowed to try and make you...not angry," he replies, reaching out and trying to take my hand.

"And you think kissing me is going to make me not angry," I say bluntly.

"I've told you time and time again that I'm sorry," he says in reply, moving closer to me. "What more can I say? What more can I do??"

"I don't know...but not kissing me. Why don't...why don't we just...I don't know...go shopping, for stuff," I suggest.

He lets out an exasperated sigh and nods his head. "Ok, we'll go shopping," he replies.

"Right...I'm going to go brush my teeth," I say before looking at the floor and seeing the Chinese food, "...after I clean this up."

"No, I'll get it," he says as we both lean down at the same time and our hands brush against each other.

"Let me, querida," Jesse says softly and I nod before standing up.

"Oh, and don't call me that," I say to him. "I'm still mad at you and you're making it hard when you call me that."

Jesse doesn't say anything, but a small smirk forms on his face as he cleans the noodles and soy sauce off of the linoleum floor.

Ten minutes later, after he's done cleaning up the food and gets changed, we head off to the nearest mall, the car ride completely silent.

"We should probably go to Bed Bath & Beyond...not the mall," I finally say, knowing that they're relatively close to each other, so it won't be out of the way.

"Whatever you want, quer...Susannah," he says, quickly correcting himself and giving me a small smile.

"I think we turn down this street," I say as we approach a stoplight, adjusting my seatbelt.

He nods his head and turns when the light turns green. He's always been a good driver. Better than me anyway.

"Aha, here it is," Jesse says after a minute of driving down a busy road. It's weird having to learn how to get around a new area, especially since I'm used to small quaint little Carmel.

I can tell he's a little apprehensive to go in and I kind of don't blame him. I'm an absolute nut when it comes to Bed Bath & Beyond.

"Do you want to tackle the bed, the bath, or the beyond?" Jesse asks, pulling out two large carts, one for me and one for him.

"Everything!" I exclaim, smiling for the first time since last night. I really, really love this place.

"Okay...let's start with the bathroom stuff first," Jesse says and I smile before rolling my cart off to the side of the store where I spot the bathroom items.

"Oooh, I like this," I say, stopping and pulling something off the shelf, my smile widening.

I hold up a toothbrush holder, a white one with red polka dots, which I happen to absolutely love, "Oh, look, there's a matching soap holder thingie!" I exclaim, putting them both in the cart before spotting a dark red rug that will also match, throwing that in as well, oh, and how could I resist the urge to buy the cute white wicked trash basket and laundry basket???

We continue throughout the store like this, Jesse never once saying anything, just smiling at me.

"Jesse, we're going to need to take some stuff out to the car so that we can fit all of the other stuff in the carts," I say once we've also cleared through the kitchen department, where I picked up a microwave, a toaster, and a mini fridge, as well as a ton of Tupperware and utensils, "Why don't you buy this stuff and I'll start on the bedroom stuff?"

"Sure, I'll be right back," he says, taking the cart and giving me his half empty one. Guys so do not know how to shop in Bed Bath & Beyond.

I wheel it off towards the bed part of the store, stopping and picking up about 20 scented candles as well as a few desk lamps and other vases and things, just homey things that will make the place feel like it actually belongs to me.

"What've you got there?" Jesse asks me as he comes up beside me about ten minutes later.

"Just a bunch of stuff," I say, leaning against the cart as I turn into the bedding isle.

The silence falls over us again but I can feel his eyes on me. I look over at him and smile a little. I'll admit, my anger is kind of fading away. But not that much.

"Got any preference?" I ask him, looking over the dozens and dozens of different types of sheets.

He looks them over and slowly shakes his head. "No, I trust your judgment," he tells me.

"All right...uhm, well this pair looks like it could match pretty much everything," I say, reaching for a cream pair of sheets, but don't let the plain color fool you. I'm talking 600 thread count Egyptian cotton.

"Looks good to me," he replies, taking it from me and putting it in the cart. I nod my head and smile a little.

"Oh, and these are great," I say, leaning up to grab a pair of green and white ones, but damn it I'm not tall enough.

"Here, I'll get it," Jesse says, stopping the cart and walking over to me. "Thanks," I say softly.

He reaches up effortlessly, of course, and hands them to me, where I quickly inspect them before adding them to the cart and moving on to comforters and such.

When we finish nearly half an hour later, I am thoroughly impressed with Jesse. He didn't complain once about me taking too long or anything. He didn't even really talk to me either. I guess he got the message that I'm not totally over what he said to me.

I should be ultimately in a better mood because of all this, shouldn't I? But it seems as if the lack of attention he is giving me is making my mood even more sour, and this results in me being pissed off at my inability to make up my mind about what I want.

He must notice that I'm even quieter on the way home because he says, "Are you okay? I mean, I thought Bed Bath & Beyond would have made you feel at least a little better."

"It did," I say as I stare out of my window at the passing people and the trees.

He doesn't say anything aw we make our way back to the dorm building, he parks the car but neither of us gets out.

"Are you ever going to talk to me, Susannah?" he asks, turning in his seat to look at me.

I sigh and shrug my shoulders. "I don't know," I mumble, staring out of the window at nothing in particular.

"You can't just go around not talking to me, Susannah. We live together, we're married," Jesse says to me.

"I just need some time," I reply quietly, still not looking over at him. "You know that."

"I thought things were better, while we were in the store. You were smiling and you seemed like you were having a good time," Jesse continues.

I just shrug my shoulders again and don't say anything. "I just want to get past this," he says softly.

"I know," I say, reaching down and unbuckling my seatbelt and then reaching for the doorknob so that I can start unloading stuff from the back of the car, it's a Ford Freestyle, by the way. Dark blue with a sunroof, I love it.

We unload the car, though Jesse takes most of the stuff. After it's all up in the dorm, we go out to get some furniture and then to the grocery store.

After purchasing a couch, a chair, a small table and some chairs for it, as well as 2 dressers and a small bookcase, which will all be shipped to the dorm the following day, we head to the Target that they have here, except it isn't a normal Target, it's like a Super Target, with a full grocery store inside. I can tell this is going to be a favorite spot of mine already. We quickly pick up a few necessities, deodorant, soap, shampoo and conditioner, Band-Aids, medicine, this sort of stuff, as well as groceries for about 2 weeks, well maybe one seeing how I've been eating lately.

Once back in the apartment, after we unload the groceries, I lean against the counter and close my eyes. "I am beat," I tell him.

"We have one more stop, Susannah, and hopefully they'll deliver it tonight," Jesse says and I open my eyes, peering over at him and waiting for him to continue, "A mattress, of course."

I nod my head. "Yeah, of course," I reply. "Those mattresses we have now...well, they're extremely uncomfortable."

"Not to mention sort of gross. You can stay here if you want to, and I could always run up to the mattress store, that way you can get off your feet for a while," Jesse suggests casually.

I nod my head again, smiling a little. "That would be great, actually," I tell him.

"Okay...I'll be back in about half an hour or so," Jesse tells me, reaching out and grabbing the keys off of the counter.

We both just stand there for a moment before I walk over to him and kiss him lightly on the cheek. "See you then," I say softly.

"Bye," Jesse says, smiling at me before leaving the dorm room. I look around at the dozens of bags set in various places around the room, deciding that I need to start cleaning this before I go crazy.

It takes me a while too because by the time I'm done, Jesse's back. "Hey, how'd it go?" I ask him.

"Great. The mattress guys are right behind me," Jesse says, gently steering me out of the way as they come in the room, carrying what appears to be the box spring.

We stand off to the side and Jesse keeps his hands on my shoulders and I find myself leaning against him, a small smile on my face.

"Thank you very much," Jesse says to the men when they've finished bringing the mattress up, and taking the old one down to the trash as well.

"No problem man," one of them says as they leave. Once they're gone we go into the bedroom and I immediately go over to the Bed Bath & Beyond bags, taking out the beddings.

"It looks great out there," Jesse says to me, "I can't wait until the furniture arrives."

"Yeah, this place will really start to feel like home," I reply, smiling up at him.

"Do you need help?" Jesse asks me as he sees me struggling with a corner.

I nod my head and he's immediately at my side. We get the bed set up and everything and afterwards, Jesse makes some popcorn and we just sit on the bed, eating popcorn and talking. Though the conversation kind of seems stiff and formal.

Jesse suggests we watch a movie, and I agree, leaning back as he gets up to hook the TV, which we brought with us from home, up, as well as the DVD player.

He puts A Walk to Remember in the DVD player (another one of my absolute favorites) and gets back into bed with me, hesitating slightly before putting his arm around me.

I relax my body, leaning only slightly against him as the movie starts and he reaches over, turning the light off.

As the movie continues, he starts stroking my hair softly and I close my eyes, my anger slipping away more and more with each second.

When, about half way through the movie, he reaches out tentatively and takes my chin in his hand, steering it towards him, I don't stop him, glancing down at his lips briefly before they're pressed up against my own.

I feel his tongue slide through my lips and into my mouth and I let out a soft moan, wrapping my arms around his neck, the movie long forgotten.

"Mmmm, Jesse," I moan out, pressing myself up against him, my fingers grasping at his shirt.

He keeps kissing me with an almost desperate passion, like he can hardly believe that I'm actually letting him kiss me.

I feel his hand against my skin and I realize that he's made his way underneath my t-shirt. I let out a little moan and reach for the remote, turning the TV and DVD player off.

His hands feel soft and warm against my skin, making me tingly all over. His lips move down my neck, causing me to moan even more.

He pulls me into his arms and moves me so that I'm lying back on the bed and his muscular body is hovering over me, his lips kissing me over and over and over again.

I quickly remove his shirt, mine following shortly after. We don't speak at all and only break our kiss a couple of times. It's like we're moving at hyper speed...we can't get each other's clothes off fast enough.

My hands are trembling as I move them down to his belt, trying to get it off of him but having a little bit of difficulty.

He breaks away from the kiss and chuckles softly, placing his hands over mine and moving them away, undoing his belt for me.

"Damn belt," I mutter laughing a little bit as I pull it out of the loopholes of his jeans.

He laughs along with me before kissing me again, his hands reaching behind me and unhooking my bra with ease.

"Not fair," I mutter once again, moving my arms so that it is off of me completely.

I start to pout but he kisses the pout right off my lips. I give in, kissing him back as I unbutton his jeans.

He lets out a strangled moan as I palm him lightly through the jeans before unzipping them and sliding them down his legs.

Now his hands are trembling as he tries to unbutton my jeans. "Damn, why'd you have to wear jeans?" he mumbles.

"Because I always wear them," I say, letting out a small giggle and running my hand up and down his chest.

"You're not making this any easier," he whispers shakily, his hands still trembling.

"Really?" I ask, scraping my nails against his washboard abs as he continues to try and get my jeans off.

He lets out a deep moan, leaning forward and resting his forehead against my collarbone, breathing heavily.

"No, don't stop there, Jesse," I say in a half whisper, half moan.

And just like that, his lips are on mine, my jeans are gone and his body is pressed against mine.

His arms are around my body; he's holding me so close against him that I don't think that it's possible for me to be any closer.

"Jesse," I moan as we pull apart for a moment, both of us panting, looking into each other's eyes.

"Querida?" he asks, his voice husky and low as he gazes down at me with hooded eyes.

"Mhmm?" I reply, my voice kind of squeaky. I feel shaky all over and I want him to keep kissing me.

"I...I love you," he says, bringing his hand to my face.

I let out a long sigh and smile up at him. "I love you too," I reply. "So much."

A smile graces his features and he leans down and-FINALLY-kisses me again.

The rest...well, you can figure that out on your own.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: AHHHHHHHH! We are so, so, so, so sorry for the lack of update recently, the only excuse we can offer is that we forgot . To make up for that though, here's a chapter over 5,000 words long! Lol, enjoy!!!

Disclaimer: We don't own Mediator

Chapter 11

"I guess this goes without saying but I just...I want to," I whisper, my head resting against his chest and his arms around me. "I'm sorry."

"Susannah...please, it's all right. Let's end it there," Jesse says immediately, stroking my bare arm.

"You're right," I reply, nodding my head and closing my eyes. "I totally agree." He presses a kiss against my hair and smiles.

"Good," he says softly.

"Hey, so since we have now...christened the bedroom..." I say suggestively, trailing a finger up and down his chest.

When he's silent, I sit up, turning to face him and seeing a grin on his face. "What are you implying, Mrs. de Silva?" he asks.

I let out a giggle and straddle him before leaning down and, taking his face in my hands, kissing him seductively on the lips before getting out of bed.

A minute later, I'm in his arms and he's kissing me all over again. I giggle a little into the kiss and slide my arms around his neck.

"I guess what they say about college boys IS true," I say as I pull him out of the bedroom and into the small bathroom, more specifically into the shower stall.

"Oh really?" he asks as I turn the shower on. "And what is that?" I smirk up at him and pull his face down to mine for another kiss.

"You never run out of...energy. That and you only have one thing on your mind," I say as the water drenches the both of us.

"I hope you're talking about schoolwork, Susannah," he says as the room starts to steam up. "Because I don't have anything else on my mind."

"Uh huh. I would beg to differ," I say, glancing down meaningfully before looking back up at his eyes.

He smiles a little and playfully says, "I liked you better when you were quiet." I laugh a little because...well, I've learned my lesson. I won't take things so seriously from now on.

"I'm serious, it's true," I say, closing my eyes and letting the water fall down over my head and my body.

"You look really, really good when you're wet," he says huskily, leaning down and kissing me intensely.

I let out a loud gasp as he presses me against the shower tile, which is EXTREMELY cold might I add, even though the room is practically a million degrees.

"Cold?" he asks softly and I nod mutely, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

He leans down, sucking at a spot on my neck and I let out a small moan, running my hands all over his back.

"Mmmm...OH god!" I exclaim as I feel him touching me...well...down _there_.

My knees almost buckle beneath me; they actually probably would have if he hadn't been holding me up with his other hand.

I kiss him for a moment before throwing my head back as he continues to pleasure me. "Jesse, oh my God," I moan out.

I feel him smile against my throat as he kisses it, and even though my body is so, SO hot, I shiver.

He peppers kisses all over my neck as his hands keep working their magic. I'm having trouble standing.

"J...Jesse," I moan out, my feet slipping out from under me for a second.

"What? Do you want me to stop?" he asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he pulls his hand out from between my legs. "Because I can if you want."

"No! I...I just...I can't stand up," I say, pouting.

"Should we continue this in the bedroom?" he asks, his hand wandering back between my legs.

"No...not the bedroom," I gasp, my nails digging into his back.

He doesn't say another word, just kisses me deeply though I can barely kiss him back, my mind preoccupied with the feeling Jesse's creating in me.

I gasp as I feel his arms hoist me up and then he's turning off the water and carrying me out of the bathroom.

"If not the bedroom then where, Susannah?" he whispers in my ear, his breath making me shiver slightly.

"Be creative," I reply, grinding into his hand.

He suddenly grins down at me and starts kissing me even more passionately than before, his tongue eagerly exploring my mouth.

"Mmmmm," I moan, kissing him ardently.

"Mmmm...oh querida," he moans softly, holding me even closer against him.

"S...slipping here Jesse," I moan against his lips, his lips that can work WONDERS, as my feet decide to give way again.

He quickly holds me up, laughing a little. "Sorry," he whispers before going back to kissing me.

Somewhere along the way of us playing intense tonsil hockey, Jesse reaches over and turns the shower off with a quick twist of his wrist.

The absence of the water makes me shiver a little, but Jesse's kisses make me feel warmer and warmer by the second.

"Hold on," he whispers before carefully stepping out of the shower, which is probably very difficult for him seeing how it's slippery, he's going backwards, and he has me hanging on to him.

He lets out a deep moan as I start to kiss his neck, grazing my teeth against the particularly sensitive spots.

He doesn't stop walking until we're out in the living room and he's setting me down on the carpeted floor.

I kiss him deeply, running my hands through his damp, messy hair. "Mmmm," I moan into his mouth, feeling his arousal pressed against my stomach.

"You are so beautiful, querida," Jesse whispers in my ear a moment later.

"And I love you," he continues, his lips kissing all along my jaw then down my neck, driving me wild.

"Jesse?" I ask, trailing my hand up and down his muscular back.

"Yeah?" he whispers and I can feel his mouth moving against my neck before he goes back to kissing it.

"Shut up and make love to me," I say in a moan.

He laughs and lifts his head, looking into my eyes. "As you wish."

"Jesse...I think I have rug burn," I mumble as I lay on top of him on the bed later that night.

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me. "Well, that doesn't surprise me," he says softly, giving me a soft kiss.

I give him a little glare before chuckling, "Whatever could you mean?" I ask.

He chuckles too and kisses me again. "I meant nothing," he says before looking over at the clock. "Wow, it's almost one in the morning."

"I guess time flies when you're having fun," I say, running my fingers through his hair.

"I guess it does," he replies, softly stroking my hair as I rest my head against his chest.

"Goodnight," I say a few moments later as I feel sleep knocking at my doorstep.

"Goodnight, querida," he whispers as I roll off of him snuggle up beside him, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

"Jesse, do you want Mexican or Chinese for dinner?" I call from the main room as Jesse gets ready in the morning. It's been about a month and a half and he's been in school for about a week now.

"Mexican, we've been living off of Chinese for way too long," he tells me and I nod my head silently. A week or two after we moved here, we called my mom and told her about the baby. Needless to say, she was over the moon.

Ever since then, she's been calling almost every single day. Even more now that the big appointment was coming up. My first check up ever. I'm about 4 months along now, so Jesse and I are hoping that we'll be able to figure out the sex of it too.

We've been discussing names lately. Actually, it's the topic of almost every conversation we have. You'd think it would get boring after a while, but it doesn't. Almost everyday, we come up with new ideas. It's kind of hard deciding what name is right, but I think we've narrowed it down.

If we end up having a boy, we've decided that his name would be Jasper Ross. Jesse hated the name Jasper at it, but over time he grew fond of it, and now he loves it.

As for girl names, this was a little harder. Finally, we settled on Catherine Nicole, two names that I absolutely adore. Now that we've picked out names, I'm getting more nervous and excited by the day.

The only thing, well not the only thing but the main thing, that I hate about being pregnant, is the fact that I'm starting to grow. I'm starting to gain weight.

Everyday, Jesse assures me that I'm beautiful and that's not going to change, but he's my husband, he HAS to say things like that unless he wants to sleep on the couch or something.

I've already moved up from my normal size 2, to a size 4, and that's when I'm wearing stretch jeans.

Needless to say, this didn't help my self esteem at all. To make matters worse, Jesse has a new partner in one of his classes.

I know I shouldn't be worried, I mean, this is college. Guys are allowed to have perfectly platonic female friends. No sexual interest at all...right?

And Jesse would never EVER cheat on me. Never. Just the thought of that is ridiculous. But Rebecca...you just look at her and automatically think she's a slut.

I mean, maybe not slut, but she's perfect. And she knows she's perfect too.

The first person I think of whenever I see her is Kelly Prescott: long blond hair, tall, thin. She was probably the queen bee in high school.

Oh, and to add everything else, she's from Georgia. Little miss Georgia, full on with the accent and everything.

And oh my god, Jesse dated Kelly Prescott back in high school. What if this girl reminds him that he HAD a gorgeous girlfriend but he gave it up and now he wants it back and he LEAVES ME for this Prescott-look-alike??

I panic like this about 5 times a day, usually in private because I know that Jesse would worry too much if he saw me like this.

"Everything all right? You're quiet," Jesse says as he comes into the living room and sits down beside me on the couch.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," I lie, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I've said this before and I'll say it again: you're a terrible liar, but I'll let that slide for now," he says, laughing a little and pulling me closer.

"When do you have class?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"In about...half an hour," he tells me, smiling a little. I let out a sigh and smile to myself. I love how much Jesse loves school. It really makes him happy.

"After class I'm going to catch up on some of my history homework, and then I was wondering if you wanted to go to an actual college party, I hear they're all the rage," Jesse says and I giggle.

"Sounds great, where's it gonna be?" I ask, laying down across the couch, putting my head on Jesse's lap.

"Some fraternity," Jesse says, running his fingers through my curly hair.

I nod my head and close my eyes, breathing slowly and evenly. I feel Jesse reach over and place a hand on my stomach.

"Hmmm, what're you doing?" I ask him, perfectly content right now.

"Nothing," he whispers as he starts to stroke my stomach which is getting bigger. I let out a long sigh, loving the way he's touching me, so tender and gentle.

"I have to go, querida. You rest, and eat some grapefruits or oranges or something, you know, healthy food," Jesse says, his voice somewhat regretful.

I open my eyes and look up at him, nodding my head. "Hurry back," I whisper, sitting up and kissing him.

"I will. I love you," Jesse says, kissing me back softly.

"I love you too," I reply, pulling him down for one last kiss before he gets up, grabbing his jacket and books before leaving.

He blows me a soft kiss before shutting the door softly behind him and I get up, walking over to get the remote.

I just start to get comfortable when of course, the phone rings. Letting out a groan of frustration, I walk over to the phone and pick it up. "Hello?"

"Susie? What are you doing up, you should be resting!" Mom scolds into the phone and I roll my eyes. Is she serious?

"I was, mom," I tell her, plopping back down on the couch and turning off the TV. "I was."

"Well, anyways, I was calling to make sure about the date of your checkup, it's two days from now, right?" she asks and I roll my eyes, again.

"Yes mom, it's tomorrow," I reply. Deciding to change the subject, I ask, "How are things in Carmel?"

"Oh honey, they're great. Andy's already talking about building you a nice, sturdy crib, something strong yet small so that it will it in your dorm," mom starts to say.

"Great," I mumble, wanting to get off the baby subject. That's all people ever want to talk about anymore, especially mom.

"Oh honey, perk up. You're going to be a mother soon! I know the morning sickness, and the swollen ankles, and the urge to pee every 5 seconds..." she says and I tune her out. She's right about everything, except the morning sickness of course, that's been over for about a month or so now, but she thinks I'm only in my first month, not my 4th.

"Why are you going for your appointment so early, anyway?" she asks and I let out yet another sigh. I must have told her a thousand times.

"I just want to make sure everything's alright and see what vitamins I should take," I say patiently.

"Yeah, that's good," she says and I can almost hear her huge smile. "I'm so happy for you and Jesse, sweetie."

"I know, and thank you mom. I should probably be going, I'm feeling exhausted," I say, and I 'm actually telling the truth.

"Ok, you get some rest. Tell Jesse I say hello," she says. I tell her I will and we say goodbye and I almost instantly fall asleep.

These are the moment that I'm starting to love most. Just when I'm about to fall asleep, Jesse's face in my mind, and everything feeling just...well perfect.

I usually end up dreaming about him. Not like that, you pervs, but like just his face in my mind. Like he's watching over me.

That's not saying I don't have dreams like...well, the GOOD ones, but I enjoy the ones where we're just laying down together, just in love.

Sometimes, though, our bliss gets interrupted by thoughts of Paul invade my mind and start to...just take over.

Not so much anymore...but sometimes. It's definitely gotten better though. His image is slowly becoming fuzzy in my mind.

The dreams I love the most, though, are the ones where we have the baby. Like the other night, I had a dream where I was in bed and Jesse was singing to the baby to get her (yes, I saw a girl) to go to sleep.

I can just picture Jesse being the most perfect...amazing father ever. He's just so kind and so compassionate and so patient, especially with me.

Sometimes I think that the fact that the baby isn't his will be a problem, but then the thought just seems absolutely insane. I know that Jesse is going to love this baby as if it were his own.

"Querida, querida wake up," Jesse says to me softly, cupping my face in his hand.

I open my eyes and smile at him. "I was having a good dream," I tell him softly.

"I got the food, if you're hungry," Jesse says, gesturing to the counter where there are about 4 greasy bags full of my favorite Mexican foods, most likely.

"When am I not hungry?" I ask him, smiling a little and sitting up. He laughs and leans down to kiss me before going and getting the food.

"I figured I'd get you your usual. 2 soft tacos, shredded beef, no lettuce, an enchilada, Spanish rice, sweet corn cakes, refried beans, and some tortilla soup," Jesse says, taking the things out one at a time and placing them on the coffee table in front of us.

I sigh and smile at him again. "What would I do without you?" I ask and he laughs. "You'd probably starve," he replies.

"No...but I would be living off of Dr. Pepper and Kraft Macaroni and cheese," I say, picking up a taco.

He shakes his head at me. "Not a very good way to live," he says as he pulls out his notes from one of his classes.

"Yuck, those look hard," I say, glancing over his shoulder at the endless scribble.

He shrugs his shoulders and says, "It isn't, really." I roll my eyes and lean back against the couch. "Maybe not for you, Mr. Smarty-pants," I reply.

"I'm no smarter than you are, Susannah," Jesse says, reaching out and taking my hand in his.

I just shake my head at him. "Yeah, right," I say, taking a bite of my food. "You're going to be a doctor, Jesse; of course you're smarter than me. You always have been."

"I might be smart when it comes to medicine, but there are so many things out there that you know more about than I do. Sales tax for one," Jesse says teasingly.

I laugh a little and rest my head against his shoulders. "You're sweet," I tell him.

"As sugar," Jesse replies, kissing my forehead before returning his attention to his notes, "eat your dinner; we're leaving in about an hour and a half."

"I have NOTHING to wear," I say to Jesse as fifteen minutes later, I'm changing for the party. "Absolutely nothing!"

"Querida, you went shopping 2 weeks ago, surely some of that has to fit," Jesse says patiently.

"Nothing fits," I tell him, pouting. "I'm getting bigger by the day."

"No you're not, and is it so bad, if you are? Just think about what's causing you to...possibly grow, a baby, querida," Jesse says softly to me.

I feel his arms come around my waist and he kisses me on the cheek. "What about this, Susannah?" he asks, releasing my waist and picking up a pair of jeans and a shirt.

"It's alright...I guess," I say, sighing and taking them from him before pulling them on.

"I think you look beautiful," he says as I'm applying my makeup a few minutes later.

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, but I smile anyways.

He smiles back at me and kisses my cheek. "That's more like it," he says to me.

"Let's get going, before I decide that I look too fat to go out," I say after I'm done with my makeup and hair.

He laughs but doesn't say anything, slipping his arm around my waist as we leave the dorm. "Is uhm...Rebecca going to be there?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah, she's the one who let me know about the party," he says casually.

I let out a deep breath and nod my head. Great. She'll be all over him the whole night.

She doesn't do it in the super obvious way or anything, but you can tell that she would be completely all over him if I wasn't around.

"Something wrong, querida?" he asks me, stopping and turning to me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "You're quiet."

He smiles back and leans down to kiss me, letting his lips linger on mine for a few moments. "Good, I wouldn't want you to be upset at a party," he says.

"I won't be. Do you know which frat house it's at?" I ask as we make our way across the lawn.

"Uhm..." he says, frowning as he pulls a scrap of paper out of his pocket. I assume that had the frat house's name on it.

"Kappa Alpha," he says, before smiling at me.

I smile back and nod my head. "I know someone from there," I tell him.

"Oh? Who?" Jesse asks me.

"His name's Tad," I tell him. "I met him the day that...well, you know." Jesse nods in reply, not saying anything. I reach out and take his hand, smiling at him as we finally spot the frat house.

He squeezes it and pulls me a little closer as we approach the frat house. There are SO many people there.

"Suze?" I hear a deep voice say once we enter the house and I smile, seeing Tad descending some stairs, a beer in his hand.

"Hey, Tad!" I exclaim. "This is Jesse, I told you about him. Jesse, this is Tad Beaumont."

"Nice to meet you," Tad says slowly, probably still remembering the last conversation I had with him.

"Likewise," Jesse replies, nodding his head and pulling me even closer to him.

I glance up at him curiously for a second but then let it pass and turn back to Tad, smiling, "So, how have you been?" I ask him.

He shrugs, smiling a little. "Can't complain, and yourself?" I feel Jesse's hand grip mine even tighter and I realize something: he's jealous.

"I'm good, a little tired and stuff lately, but good. Our first checkup for the baby is tomorrow," I say, smiling.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck," he says, smiling down at me. "Well, I leave you two alone. It was nice meeting you, Jesse. Let me know how the appointment goes, ok, Suze?"

"I will, bye Tad it was nice seeing you again," i say before he walks off.

"You okay, Jesse?" I ask, grinning up at Jesse who finally relaxes his grip on my hand.

"I don't like him, Susannah," he says in a low voice and I let out a small giggle.

"What's funny about that?" he asks and I just shake my head. "You're cute when you're jealous," I tell him.

"I, querida, do not get jealous," he says firmly and I simply look at him before rolling my eyes.

"Then what was the death grip on my hand for?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him.

"It was most certainly not a death grip, Susannah," Jesse says but I continue to just look at him.

I sigh and am about to say something when I hear that annoying southern drawl. "Jesse!!!"

"Becky!" Jesse exclaims, smiling as she runs up to us in this micro-miniskirt coughWHOREcough and some halter top that barely covers her boobs. Nice. Classy.

She grins at him and kisses him on the cheek before looking over at me. "Oh, hey there, Susie," she says. That's it. This bitch is going DOWN.

"Hi Bex!" I say, all chirpy-like.

"I hope you two are having fun!" she exclaims, still grinning. Her hand is resting on his chest and her eyes are locked on him. See why I hate her so much?

"Yeah, we are. We met up with this guy that I met a while back ,Tad Beaumont, he's pretty cool...and look, he's coming here now!" I exclaim, locking eyes with him and motioning for him to come over NOW.

He smiles a little before coming up beside me. "Hey Suze, what's up?" he asks.

"Have you met Bex?" I ask, grimacing at him, but I'm at the right angle so that she can't see the face I'm making.

"No, I haven't," Tad says, trying not to laugh. "It's nice to meet you, Bex, I'm Tad." She actually takes her eyes off of Jesse for a moment and looks over at Tad.

"Oh, hey," she says before flipping her hair over her shoulder and looking back to Jesse.

I roll my eyes and mouth to Tad, "Do something!" He chuckles softly and shakes his head.

"So, is everyone having fun?" he asks in an attempt to get Rebecca away from Jesse.

She gives Tad the dirtiest look I've ever seen and says, "I _was_."

"Ooookay then, so Suze, join me for a drink outside?" Tad asks me and I'm about to say sure when Jesse seems to snap back to life or something.

"Actually, Susannah and I were just going to do that ourselves," he says, reaching for my hand.

"Jesse, I thought you and I were going to, you know, talk about that theorem tonight," Rebecca says almost desperately.

"Later, Becky," he says, his death grip on my hand returning. "Come on, Susannah."

"Oh, well, I guess I'll have to talk to you later, Tad, you too Bex," I say, smiling ruefully before letting Jesse drag me out of the room.

Right before Tad is swallowed up by the crowd, I turn to him and mouth "Thank you." He gives me a smile and I turn back to Jesse.

"Whoa now partner," I say once we're outside.

"I really don't like that guy," he grumbles, letting go of my hand and glaring in the direction we just came.

"He just asked me to get a drink while you and Bex were talking," I say.

He just shakes his head. "I just really don't like that guy," he says after a moment.

"Awww, I think Jesse's jealous," I say softly.

He lets out a laugh and shakes his head. "I am not jealous, Susannah," he says.

"Then why don't' you like him?" I ask innocently.

"He...he just..." he stammers before stopping, smiling a little at me. I laugh and lean up to kiss him.

"You're jealous, but it's cute," I say, running my fingers through his hair.

"I am not cute," he says, slipping his arms around my waist. "I am too manly to be cute."

"Awww, you're so cute with your cheekies and that little nosey!" I say in a baby voice.

"You'll regret that later," he whispers, leaning down and kissing me intensely.

"Is that a threat?" I ask him, pulling back a little and looking up at him.

"And what if it is?" he asks, his face extremely close to mine. "Do I not threaten you?"

"Jesse, please, you couldn't kill a fly if it was being mean to you," I say completely seriously.

"Yoo-hoo! Jesse!" comes that annoyingly perky voice and I swear, if it weren't for Jesse's arms around my waist, I'd pounce on her and claw out her eyes or something.

"Here you are! I was beginning to think you were hiding from me," she says, sidling up close to Jesse.

"Aww, why would we hide from you, Bex?" I ask, my voice dripping with sarcasm but she's apparently too dumb to notice.

"Jesse, I want you to meet a few people, come with me," Rebecca says in a whiny little voice.

Jesse nods his head but before I can grab his hand, Rebecca does. I stop in my tracks because I'm so shocked.

"This way," she says, completely ignoring me.

I just stand there in shock when Tad comes up beside me. "I see she successfully got him away from you," he says to me.

"What? Oh, hi Tad," I say, frowning a little as I see her lead Jesse over to some other Barbies and Bambies.

"It'll be all right," he tells me, putting his arm around me, kinda like a brother. "Jesse won't do anything. He's a good guy."

"He doesn't like you," I say casually, turning around and laughing a little.

"Yeah well, he's being a protective husband," he tells me. I sigh and nod. "Yeah, guess you're right," I say to him.

"Let's get that drink, why don't we?" he asks and I nod my head before following him inside.

"So, your first appointment for the baby is tomorrow?" he asks, grabbing me a soda from a huge cooler.

"Yeah, I'm a little nervous, because it makes it 5 thousand times realer, well realer than the getting fatter and fatter everyday thing, I mean," i say laughing a little.

"Yes well, that sure doesn't slow down your talking," he says, laughing along with me as he takes a sip of his beer.

"Oh, I'm sorry was I talking to fast? I don't know why but I've always talked at like 5,000 words a minute when I'm frustrated," i apologize.

He laughs and shakes his head. "No, that's fine," he tells me. "At least when you talk it's about something important. Most girls focus on their looks or something."

"Yeah, well I've never been one for vanity I guess," I say, "Maybe I should have though, I mean Bex over there is all about her boobage, and she snatches my husband right up."

As I say this, I glance over at Rebecca and Jesse who are sitting on a couch. She's laughing that big, obnoxious laugh with her hand on his knee.

When did they get inside? And why is he smiling at her like that? That's the smile he uses on ME, thank you very much!

Now I realize my eyes have been on them too long because I see Rebecca's eyes flicker over at me and she smirks, leaning forward toward Jesse.

She says something to him and I see him laugh, and I also see that bitch's hand move up his leg a little bit. You don't know how hard it is for me not to break those pretty little fingers off right now.

But what happens next sends me over the edge. I see her face lean toward his, their lips almost touching and I turn away, my vision clouded by tears.

"Suze? Suze are you alr...oh," Tad finishes softly as he clutches my shoulders, obviously seeing what was going on.

"I guess you were wrong, huh?" I whisper, pressing my soda into his hands before nearly running out of the party.

I push my way out of the crowds until I'm outside, my body shaking with grief over what I just saw going on in there.

Once I'm a considerable distance away from the frat house, I sink to my knees and clutch my stomach, feeling like I'm going to be sick.

I rest my head against the base of the tree in front of me and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, but I can't...it hurts everywhere, but mainly in my heart.

"Oh god," I whisper, closing my eyes and letting out a shattered breath. "Oh god, oh god, oh god."

"Suze...come on, let's get you inside," I hear Tad say softly from behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Leave me alone, Tad," I whisper, not opening my eyes, still clutching my stomach. "Please, just go." I feel him sitting behind me for a moment but then he leaves.

I stay where I am for a few more minutes, sobbing silently and glad when no one else tries to come up to me.

While I'm in unimaginable pain, I feel really pathetic because the arms I long to feel around me, the voice I wish was in my ear...is Jesse's.

My body finally stops shaking so hardly and I slowly stand up, feeling nauseous once again.

I reach out and grab onto the tree for support, my lets a little shaky. My eyes shoot wide open because if I keep them closed, I'll keep seeing them, sitting so close...about to kiss...

And that, my friends, is when I empty the contents of my dinner all out onto the grass.

I'm not even all that sure of how I got back to the dorm room, changed my clothes and got into bed. All I know is that I cried myself to sleep, hugging a pillow to my chest, wishing it was Jesse but also hating him for what he did.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Heyyy ya'll! Thank you so, so much for all the reviews, and thank you for your patience. Enjoy another extra long chappie D

Disclaimer: We do not own Mediator

Chapter 12

I open my eyes the next morning, feeling the late summer heat come in through the windows and the thick walls of the dorm rooms, but that's not all I feel.

My eyes widen as I see Jesse's arms wrapped around me as he sleeps beside me. Quickly, I push him away, causing him to fall off the bed. "Get the fuck away from me!" I exclaim angrily.

"Querida?" Jesse asks sleepily as he groans, slowly getting up off the floor.

He stands up and reaches out for me but I back away. "I said get AWAY!" I nearly shout, trying my hardest not to cry.

"Querida, what's the matter?" Jesse asks me slowly, trying to calm me down obviously. Doesn't he GET IT?

"I saw you!" I exclaim, his face blurring as tears fill my eyes. "I saw you with her! I saw you...kiss her."

"Susannah, I don't know what...oh," he says, finishing his sentence off almost so quietly that I can't hear him.

"You know, I really thought you were different!" I exclaim, the tears now sliding silently down my face. "I thought you were BETTER than him! But now...you're just as bad."

I storm past him and out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me.

I hear footsteps that stop at the bathroom door, followed by Jesse's voice, "You have to let me explain, Susannah!"

"WHAT could there possibly be to explain, Jesse? I saw her kissing you, and I ran away. Tad saw it too!" I exclaim.

"She did kiss me, but as soon as it happened, I pushed her away!" he replies, sounding like he's trying to stay calm but not doing a very good job of it.

"Like I would believe that, Jesse," I say bitterly.

"It's true!" he exclaims, dropping his voice to nearly a whisper as he continues, "I felt absolutely horrible. I still do. Please, Susannah, you have to believe me."

"Go away, Jesse. Go be with Bex, I don't care," I simply say before reaching into the shower and turning on the water.

While I'm in the shower, I think things over and decide that after the appointment, I'm going back to Carmel. I can't deal with being here with him anymore.

I let out a long sigh as I grab the shampoo bottle opening it and putting a little bit on my hand, rubbing it through my hair as I try to also get rid of all the tension stored up inside of me.

Long after I'm out of the shower, I sit on the edge of the tub, my towel wrapped tightly around me. Jesse's given up calling for me a long time ago.

The problem is, I still see his shadow in front of the door. I'm guessing he's sitting in front of it. This won't do, because the appointment is in 3 hours, and it takes 20 minutes to get there. So I can only sulk for like 2 hours before I have to get out.

That's when a piece of paper is slid under the door and I hear retreating footsteps. Wow, I would have thought Jesse could come up with something a little cleverer than a note under the door. Not like it'll do any good.

I get up and walk over to the door, hesitating before picking it up and unfolding it slowly.

_Susannah,_

_You're mad. I know. You have every right to be. I just want you to hear me out. So before you crumple this up and throw it in the trash, just listen. Or rather, read. Last night was a mistake. I should have seen it coming. I should have stopped it before it happened. But what I said before was true: I did stop it as soon as it happened. Tomorrow when I go back to class, I'm requesting a new lab partner. I don't want my lapse of judgment to come between us. I'm truly sorry and I love you._

_Love,_

_Jesse_

I read the letter over and over again over the next half hour before sighing and throwing it in the small waste bin.

I lean forward and rest my head on my knees, letting out a long, deep breath. When I look up again, I see Jesse's shadow by the door again.

Another note comes into the room, the only sound is the soft scraping of the paper against the tiles. By now my hair is pretty much all the way dry.

I get up and walk over to the door, once again picking up the paper and unfolding it, my hands shaking a little now.

I glance down at it, skimming over a few words before sitting back down and taking a deep breath.

_Please, Susannah. I know this is hurting you as much as it is me. I love you more than anything. If I didn't, I wouldn't be trying this hard. Please come out._

I sigh and crumple this one up as well; waiting another few minutes until I see his shadow once again move away from the door. I might as well try to sneak away from the bathroom, its small.

I quietly open and close the door but as I turn around, I see Jesse sitting on the couch, staring down at his feet.

"Susannah," he says quietly and I nearly jump out of my towel, I didn't think he had seen me.

"Leave me alone, Jesse," I mumble, heading toward the bedroom but in an instant, he's at my side.

"Susannah, you can't do this. We're married, we need to talk this out," he says, gently grasping my arm.

"There's nothing to talk about Jesse! I saw you with another woman!" I exclaim, moving away from him. "Look, after the appointment today, I'm going back to Carmel."

"Querida...you can't, I mean," Jesse stutters, coming at a loss for words.

"I don't know what else to do," I reply, not wanting to meet his sad, hurt eyes. "I don't know how I can trust you...after what you did."

"Susannah...I promise you I couldn't be sorrier, I was a complete and utter bastard for what I did. I should have stopped it the moment I even suspected anything of happening, I'm sorry, but Querida, believe me when I say I love you, I love this child, I don't want to lose you, either of you," Jesse says to me, placing his hand over my stomach.

I can feel my walls crumbling at his words as I look down. "You don't know how much it hurt," I whisper.

"Susannah, I was an idiot," Jesse says to me, reaching up with his other hand and touching my chin softly.

I look up at him and he gently traces over my lips with his thumb. "These are the only lips I want to kiss," he says softly.

I sigh before turning my head away from him a little bit, closing my eyes.

He lets out a small sigh and slides his arms around my waist. "I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice a little shaky. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm going to go change. We need to go soon," I say softly.

"...Ok," he whispers, letting go of me and letting out a long, deep breath. "I...I'll wait for you out here."

"I'm going to be a while," I say to him, and he nods before going back to the couch and sitting down slowly before grabbing the remote.

I stand there with my hand on the doorknob just looking at him, seeing how sad he is. I don't think I've seen that look on his face since his father died.

I sigh and go into the room, shutting the door quietly behind myself. He screwed up, and now he has to pay the consequences.

"Ready?" I ask as I come out of the bedroom forty five minutes later, seeing that he hasn't moved from the couch.

"Yeah, let's go, there might be traffic," he says softly before getting up and grabbing the car keys.

We get out to the car and before he can open the door for me, I open it myself and slam it shut. He just stands there for a moment, looking shocked before going to the other side.

Deciding, once he gets in, that I don't even feel like being next to him, I then crawl into the back seat, buckling in.

He takes a deep breath before starting the car, silently starting to drive. I lean my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes.

As predicted, we get stuck in traffic. It's a good thing we left nearly an hour and a half early, because we don't' get there until about 20 minutes before my appointment is scheduled.

Sitting in the waiting room, I fidget with my hands as I feel Jesse's eyes on me. "Will you quit staring at me?" I exclaim in a whisper, glancing over at him before looking back down at my hands.

"Sorry," he says softly and then I see him looking down at his hands also, out of the corner of my eye.

I let out a deep breath and keep focusing my attention on my hands, not saying another word until my name is called. Jesse and I both stand up and I almost tell him to stay here.

I decide though, that that might be too harsh, I mean he has been there for me over the past 4 months or so...

"Are you nervous, Susannah?" he asks softly, the first thing he's really said to be since before we left.

"Not really," I reply as we're directed into a small room.

I quickly go into the bathroom and change into a hospital gown before Jesse has the chance to say anything more to me.

When I come back, the doctor is in the room and she smiles at me before instructing me to lie down.

"You must be Mr. and Mrs. de Silva," she says as I glance over at Jesse who's standing beside the bed with his eyes straight forward, though occasionally I see them flicker over to me.

"Yeah, we are," I say, before smiling politely at the doctor, who then explains some things that she's gong to have to do.

As I listen to what she's saying, I glance up at Jesse whose eyes are on me. He quickly looks away, like he's afraid he's going to upset me. Well, more than he already has. I sigh and turn away, not quite ready to forgive him.

It all goes by relatively quickly. Dr. Suarez applies some jelly to my belly, which is REALLY cold by the way, and then she pulls out the ultrasound machine.

She turns it on and I feel Jesse's hand on my shoulder. I just stare at the screen, too preoccupied to shrug him off.

I feel her moving it around on my belly until she obviously finds a heartbeat, and that's when I see it on the screen, my child.

"Oh my God," I breathe, my eyes widening. "Is...is that it?" Dr. Suarez smile a little and nods her head.

"Would you like to know the sex?" she asks me, looking a little closer at the screen.

I immediately nod my head and she looks a little closer. Turning back to us, she smiles again. "It's a girl," she tells us.

"A...a girl?" I repeat, a small smile forming on my face as tears well up in my eyes.

She nods her head before standing up. "I'll leave you two alone for a moment," she says before leaving the room.

"It's...it's your baby querida," Jesse says softly and I breathe out.

"No," I whisper, my voice choked with tears as I look back at him. "It's our baby. It's our baby girl."

I feel Jesse's arms wrap around me from behind and I smile before the tears start to come out.

I slide my arms around him and we hold each other tight. He starts to shake a little and I think he's crying too.

I turn my head slightly and see the tears falling out of his eyes as well, and this just sets off my waterworks even more.

I press a finger to his lips and whisper, "Shhh, Jesse." I start to wipe away his tears when he leans forward and hesitates for a moment before kissing me.

I smile against his lips before resting my hand on the side of his face and kissing him back.

He pulls back and I know he's about to apologize but I shake my head. "Please, just don't talk about that," I whisper.

"Okay," he says before kissing me again as the doctor comes back in, a few things in her hands.

I quickly wipe my eyes before grasping Jesse's hand in mine. He squeezes it and leans down to press a soft kiss against the top of my head.

"Here's a tape of the ultrasound, and a few pictures also, I thought you might like them," she says, smiling as she hands them to me.

"Thank you," I whisper, my voice still a little choked up from crying. I take out the pictures and show them to Jesse who has a huge grin on his face.

"Let's go schedule your next appointment, querida," he says softly to me after we're done looking.

I nod my head and stand up, quickly going to change before going out into the reception area, taking Jesse's hand in mine.

"Why don't you go out to the car, I'll finish up here," Jesse says, handing me the keys so that I can let myself in.

"Ok, but hurry up," I reply, leaning up and kissing him quickly going outside to the car.

I sigh and rest my hands on my belly, feeling the slight, slight bump formed there underneath my shirt.

A few minutes later, Jesse comes out to the car, smiling at me. "Susannah, we're having a girl," he says as if he can't believe it.

"I know," I say, giggling as he buckles himself and drives the car out of the parking lot.

He suddenly looks over at me and says, "I'm taking you out to dinner tonight."

"Oh, Jesse, you don't have to," I say quickly, but he shakes his head.

"Nope, tonight is all about you," he tells me, looking over at me as we stop at a red light. Suddenly his face becomes serious. "Look, I know you don't want to talk about it...but I'm so, so sorry."

"How about you write it all down for me, and I'll read it when I'm bored one day?" I ask, smiling.

He laughs and leans over to kiss me. "I love you, querida," he says, still laughing a little as the light turns green.

"I love you too, now drive," I say to him and he does as I say, smart boy.

Fifteen minutes later, we're back in the dorm and I call my mother as I promised I would after the appointment.

"A GIRL! Oh!!!!!" she exclaims and I hear her shouting something to Andy.

I laugh a little and nod my head, remembering then that she can't see me. "That's right, a girl," I say.

"Oh honey, that's so wonderful," Mom gushes and I hear the phone being transferred to someone else.

"Hey, kiddo, congratulations!" Andy exclaims and I smile. "Thank you, Andy, Jesse and I are really excited," I tell him.

"I am so happy for you too...I'll talk to you later, okay? i was just on my way out," he says and I say goodbye to him.

Shortly after, I hang up the phone with mom and Jesse comes into the living room, handing me a soda. "God, I thought she'd never shut up," I say laughing a little.

"So, now that we know it's a girl, we can start baby shopping," I say to Jesse, smirking.

"You know what? I'm looking forward to it," he replies, smiling down at me.

"You better be, I'm going to wear you out with all of my shopping," I say, snuggling up against him.

He wraps his arm around me, pulling me closer. "I can't wait to have this baby with you, Susannah," he tells me.

"I'm a little nervous," I admit softly as he wraps his arms around me, resting his hands on my stomach.

"I'll be with you every step of the way," he tells me. "You can count on that."

"I know I can," I say in almost a whisper, placing my hands over his.

I turn my head slightly and kiss him softly. He turns me around completely and kisses me deeper.

I smile against his lips, those lips that are so perfect, and lean against his warm body, wrapping my arms around his neck.

His hands slide under my shirt, making me shiver slightly. As his lips wander down to my neck, I let out a breathy moan, my eyes fluttering closed.

"You smell so good, querida," Jesse whispers against my skin, sending shivers all the way down my spine.

I let out a small sigh, running my hands through his hair. "I love you, Jesse," I whisper, my voice so soft I'm surprised he hears me.

"I love you too, querida," he replies, slipping the shirt off over my head and tossing it to the ground.

I do the same with his shirt, running my hands all over his chest. He places his hand on my cheek and kisses me even more passionately than before.

I let out a soft gasp of surprise as suddenly I'm in his arms and he's carrying me towards the bedroom, setting me down softly.

He positions himself above me and leans down, kissing me over and over again. "Mmm...Jesse," I moan softly as he removes my bra.

"Your skin is so soft," he mumbles against my lips as he slowly runs his hand over my shoulder.

I let out a soft moan as a shiver runs through my body. "Cold, querida?" he whispers.

"Just a little," I whisper, even though I'm not cold at all.

He runs his hands all over my skin, making me shiver even more. At on point, his hand comes into contact with my breast, making me gasp and close my eyes.

"You sure don't feel very cold, querida," he says, his voice husky.

"I...I..." I whisper, unable to form a coherent thought as he massages my breasts.

"Yes, querida?" Jesse asks, leaning down and placing a kiss on one of them.

I don't reply, just lean up and kiss him intensely, taking him by surprise. I giggle a little into the kiss and slide my arms around his neck.

"You sure like kissing tonight, don't you?" Jesse teases as I wrap a leg around his torso.

"What's so wrong with kissing?" I ask in reply, pulling back and raising my eyebrows at him.

"Absolutely nothing, querida," Jesse says after a moment.

I laugh and lean up to kiss him again. "Good," I reply.

He slips his tongue into my mouth as we kiss, making me moan deeply before I press myself even closer to him. His hands slowly start to unbutton my jeans as his lips wander to my neck.

A small whimper of pleasure escapes my lips as I feel him pull down not only my pants, but my panties as well, all in one swift motion.

I run my hands down his chest, stopping at his belt buckle which I undo with ease, quickly sliding his pants down his legs.

He reaches down and takes one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking on it lightly as he kicks his jeans off.

I let out a high, breathy moan and dig my nails into his shoulders. "Jesse," I moan, my breathing becoming ragged.

"Mmmm," he says in response as he moves to my other breast, this time his hand deciding to do some work of its own as well.

I let out a sharp gasp as his hands leave my breasts, sliding down my body until..."Oh my GOD, Jesse!" I cry.

"It's been almost a week since we've last done this," Jesse mumbles against the skin of my stomach before kissing it, and I realize he's right. Lately I've been feeling really gross, and that has kept us from getting intimate.

"Mmm...yeah, I know," I whisper breathily. I tangle my hands in his silky smooth hair, loving the way it feels beneath my fingers.

"I want to make you feel good, querida," Jesse says, placing another kiss right above, well there, and I let out a soft moan.

His lips dip a little lower and...well, let's just say it feels a whole lot more than good

"J...J...Jesssssseeeeeeeee," I say in a long moan as he pleasures me, something that he has always been very, VERY, good at doing.

I hit my release which leaves me raggedly breathing, my eyes fluttering closed. "Jesse," I exhale.

He crawls up my body, and oh my god if that isn't he hottest fucking thing in the world.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I whisper, "Do you know what you do to me Jesse?"

"I'm pretty sure, if what you just did proves anything," he says, leaning down and capturing my lips with his. I kiss him passionately as an idea forms in my head, something that I haven't done for Jesse in a while, but now seems like the perfect time.

In an instant, we're flipped around so that I'm looking down at him, a smile on my face as I kiss down his neck and chest.

"Q...Querida," Jesse says, his voice low and thick as I reach the waistband of his boxers.

I slowly slide them off, my eyes never leaving his. Eventually his eyes close and he lets out a slew of Spanish.

"You're all ready for me, I see," I say, reaching out with my hand and taking him in my hand.

He doesn't say anything, just lets out a deep moan, his hands gripping the sheets.

"Oh really?" I say, giggling a little bit as I lean forward, only hesitating for a brief second before leaning down and wrapping my mouth around his length.

"Oh my God, querida," he moans out and I look up at him, smile a little as I see his face.

His mouth is open just slightly, his eyes closed tight as his chest rises and falls, it's almost enough to get me off again, seeing him like this.

As he comes into my mouth, I hear him whisper, "Oh God...do you have any idea what you do to me, querida?"

"Mmmm, I think I can taste it in my mouth," I say, smirking up at him.

He laughs a little and I crawl up his body, placing a soft kiss on his lips. He slips his arms around me, sliding his hands up and down my back.

"You are so beautiful, Susannah," Jesse says, gazing into my eyes.

I blush a little and laugh. "Well, let's see what you think in a few months when I'm huge and cranky," I say to him.

"I will think that you're glowing from the pregnancy, and inside that belly will be a new life, and that, Susannah, is the most beautiful thing in the world," Jesse says, cupping my cheek.

"I wish she was yours," I say almost silently, something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

"It doesn't matter," Jesse says to me softly.

"I just hope she never has to know who her real dad is," I say, letting out a soft sigh as I rest my head against his chest.

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that, querida, but for now, let's not worry about that, but instead, let's worry about something else that needs to be taken care of," Jesse suggests.

I laugh and lift my head, grinning. "Your little friend," I say, leaning forward and kissing him.

"Exactly," he growls before flipping me over and having his dirty way with me.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Heyyy sorry for the long long wait, life's been really busy lately and it's been slowing us down a little, so without anymore delay, here's the next chapter, enjoy

**Chapter 13**

"I really wish we hadn't invited my mother out here," I groan as there's a knock at the door. Jesse laughs a little and kisses my forehead. "Just relax, querida," he says before going to get the door. I'm due in a few weeks and my mother insisted on being here.

"Jesse, how am I going to relax? I'm so horny," I whine and he chuckles at me. I don't know why, maybe its my increased sensitivity or my increased hormones, but lately I've been so horny that it isn't funny.

"Save that for later, querida," he whispers, leaning down and kissing me intensely as the knocking at the door becomes more persistent.

"COMING mom!" I exclaim, frowning before walking over to the door, a hand on my back for slight support.

"I would have gone to get the door, Susannah," he says, taking my hand in his. "You need to rest."

"Yeah, I know, but you know me, I can't sit in one spot for longer than 2 seconds," I say to him.

"Yeah, I know," he says before opening the door and I cringe a little, seeing my mom with three suitcases, one that is filled with baby stuff no doubt.

"Susie! Oh my god, look at you!" she exclaims, dropping the suitcases on the floor and squealing.

She throws her arms around me in a tight hug and I stagger back a bit before hugging her back. "It's good to see you too, mom," I say.

"What are you doing up? You should be sitting down, resting!" she exclaims and I roll my eyes.

"Please mom, I get more than enough pesters about resting from Jesse," I say, glancing over at Jesse who smiles and shakes his head.

"Oh, alright," she says, smiling at me as Jesse steps out into the hall and gathers the bags into his arms.

"So, I hope everything's been good around here," she says, sitting down on the couch and patting the spot next to her, signaling for me to sit down.

"It's been wonderful, mom," I say, sitting down slowly next to her.

"Oh Susie, you're getting so beautiful," she says, smiling and taking my hand. "Pregnancy suits you."

"Thank you mom, but don't expect me to do it again any time soon," I say, chuckling lightly.

She laughs and nods her head. "Yes, it isn't exactly fun, is it?" she asks. "Have you decided on a name yet?"

"Catherine," I say, leaning back and closing my eyes as a smile appears on my face.

"Catherine de Silva," mom says and I open my eyes, looking over at her to see that she's smiling. "Sounds perfect."

"I know," I say, smiling at her, "now mom, are you sure you don't want to stay at a hotel? It will be so much more comfortable. There's only one room here, and you'll have to stay on the couch." That's not the only reason I don't' want her sleeping right outside my bedroom door though...

"I want to be here for whatever you need," my mother insists. "What if you were to go into labor in the middle of the night? I want to be here."

I restrain from letting out a groan before smiling at her, "Why don't you at least go and look around the campus and town for a while? I'm going to be resting and I don't want you to be bored," I say almost desperately.

After a moment, a look of realization passes over her face. "Oh," she says, a smirk tugging at her lips. Standing up, she says to me in a whisper, "I was pregnant once, Suze. I'll leave you two alone."

I close my eyes in embarrassment before opening them and giving her a small smile, "I'll be back in a couple of hours," she says, squeezing my arm lightly before leaving.

"That was...embarrassing," I say to Jesse who sits beside me, grinning,

"She left though, didn't she?" he asks and I nod slowly in agreement.

"Yeah, she did," I reply, smiling and sliding my arms around his neck. "Now, what should we do while she's gone?"

"I think we should probably get you satisfied now, that way you won't have to ask her to go out again before bed," Jesse whispers.

"Mmmm, I agree," I whisper in reply as he stands up, offering his hand to help me.

"Thank you," I say, taking it and letting him help pull me up off of the couch, all 160 pounds of me.

You would think that my present state would...make us less sexually active but I think we've...well, done it more in the past few months than ever before.

It's actually embarrassing sometimes, especially when we get a little too loud, and our neighbors bang on their walls.

I sit down on the bed, pulling him down with me and almost immediately pressing my lips against his.

"Eager?" Jesse asks, grinning as he unbuttons my blouse slowly.

"Like you don't even know," I practically moan out, my hands clawing at his shirt, desperate to get it off.

"Slow down a little, querida, your mother won't be back for at least 2 hours," Jesse mumbles against my skin.

"I...I...oh God," I moan, my eyes fluttering closed as he swiftly slides my blouse off, my bra soon following.

"Mmmm, you're so beautiful, querida," Jesse moans out as he reaches out and pulls my head closer so that he can kiss me.

I smile a little into the kiss. Ever since I started putting on weight, he's taken every opportunity to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am. "Oh baby," I whisper. "You're sweet. A liar, but sweet."

"Querida, how many times do I have to tell you that you're absolutely beautiful before you'll believe me?" Jesse asks softly.

I just shake my head and lean in to kiss him but stop halfway, groaning. "I think our baby's going to be a soccer player or something," I mumble, placing a hand on my stomach as the baby starts to kick.

"Hold on a second," Jesse says, smiling as he leans his ear down to my stomach.

I laugh a little and rest my hand on his head, softly stroking his hair. We just sit like this for a while, that baby certainly is a kicker.

"I can't wait until she's born," Jesse says, placing a kiss on my humongous belly.

"That makes two of us," I reply, laughing a little as he looks up, smiling. "No more big fat belly, swollen ankles, having to pee all the time...and I'll FINALLY be able to see my feet again."

"You make it seem so awful, Susannah," Jesse says, returning his head up to my level and kissing me.

From that moment on, we just stop talking, peeling off each others clothes almost frantically.

Jesse uses his hands to work magic on my body and I swear, every time it feels even better than the last.

You'd be surprised how many times we can...well...satisfy our urges in two hours before my mother returns, just letting herself in. I mean seriously, we could have been in the throws of passion and she just barges right in.

Luckily though, I was in the shower, by MYSELF mind you, and Jesse was cooking up some dinner, so she wasn't scarred for life.

"So, what did I miss?" I ask as I sit down on the couch beside my mother ten minutes after I get out of the shower, brushing my wet hair.

"Nothing, I've just been talking to Jesse here," Mom says, smiling.

"Oh?" I reply, glancing over at Jesse who smiles at me. "About what?"

"Just about some of the things he's looking forward to most about being a father," Mom says.

"He's going to be a great father," I say, looking over at him and smiling.

"I can tell. I don't think there's a single book he hasn't read about parenting, from what I've gathered," Mom says.

"Just want to be prepared, Helen," he says, looking over at us from where he stands in the kitchen.

"I like that perspective," she says to him as I sit down next to her.

"Believe me, mom," I say, placing my brush down on the coffee table and pulling my hair into a pony tail. "He's prepared enough for both of us."

"I'm sure you more prepared than you think you are, Susie," Mom says, placing her hand over mine.

I just roll my eyes and say, "Yeah, mom. Me, the girl who had a nervous breakdown while only babysitting. Could you imagine me being a mother??"

She looks at me for a minute before smiling and squeezing my hand, "Absolutely."

"See? You hesitated," I say, pouting and snatching my hand away from hers. "You think I'm going to be a HORRIBLE mother."

"No, I wasn't hesitating, I was just looking at you and trying to think of a reason why you don't think you'll be an amazing mother, Susie," she tells me.

"Yeah, right," I mumble, folding my arms over my chest. "Don't think like that, Susie," she says, placing a hand on my arm. "I have faith in you and Jesse has faith in you. You'll be a great mother."

"There's no arguing with you, is there?" I ask, shaking my head.

She sighs and shakes her head. "Nope, you should know that by now," she tells me, smiling.

"Dinner's ready you two," Jesse says, smirking as he pulls cartons of left over Chinese food from the microwave.

"Leftover Chinese...my favorite!" I exclaim as he brings my plate over to me, kissing my cheek quickly.

"It's fine, you know I'll eat anything," she replies as Jesse brings over a chair, starting to eat his food.

"If you want anything else, we might have left over Mexican in the fridge," I say, taking a large bite out of my egg roll.

"This is fine, Susie, thank you," she says, smiling at both me and Jesse. "Goodness...you remind me of Frank and I when we were young."

"Ahhh don't say that!" I exclaim, not wanting her to go into how they were so cute and couldn't keep their hands off each other...not something i want in my mind.

She laughs and says, "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear about your father and me."

She laughs and we spend the rest of our meal on occasionally talking. I get up for seconds...and thirds. God, it's not just the baby that's making me fat is it?

"I'm sorry for bailing on you guys so early, it being only 9, but I'm so tired," I yawn, slightly nudging Jesse so that my mom wouldn't notice.

"That's fine, sweetie," my mom says as Jesse smiles over at me and and helps me up.

"I'll be back out in a second to help you set up the couch bed," Jesse says to mom, so I know what I want will have to wait until after he's helped her.

"Thank you, Jesse," she says as he leads my back into the bedroom. As soon as the door is shut, I lean up and kiss him. "Don't be too long," I whisper.

"I'll try not to be," he whispers in reply and I get a wicked gleam in my eye.

"Maybe this will speed you up..." I say before untying my robe and letting it fall to the floor.

He lets out a groan and takes my face in his hands, kissing me passionately. "Now I don't want to leave," he mumbles against my lips.

"Mom will come in here in about 30 seconds," I say before pulling back and pushing him forward a little.

He lets out a soft sigh and kisses me again before leaving the room. I smile to myself and sit down on the bed.

I rest my head against the pillows and let out a soft sigh, looking towards the crib in the corner and smiling.

I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts about the baby and me and Jesse's life together, I barely hear him come in and lay down beside me.

Well, LAY isn't really the right word, if you catch my drift...

When his hands start sliding up and down my body, I gasp and close my eyes before letting out a soft moan.

"Your skin is so soft," he mumbles against my lips, "don't worry about your mom, she turned up the TV pretty loud..."

"Mmmm...good," I whisper, slipping my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck, hitting all the spots he knows drive me wild.

"She's going to think we're some sex crazed teenagers," I moan as he takes an oversensitive breast in his hand.

"Well, isn't that true?" he asks me, pulling back and grinning down at me.

"...You're right," I say, giggling as I roll onto my back.

He grins at me and takes my hand in his, kissing it softly. "You know," he whispers, kissing all the way up my arm. "After you have the baby, we can't be...intimate for about two months."

"I know," I say pouting as I link my fingers with his.

"Well, would you want to do it with our baby in the room?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at me and smirking.

"I don't know...but I mean she'll still be here after two months," I say to him.

This is something we've discussed before. The obvious solution would be to move into a bigger place, something we can't afford.

"I know...but hopefully by then she'll be sleeping through the night a little bit more," Jesse says, "I guess we'll have to work around her until we've saved up enough to move into an apartment."

"Yeah," I say, sighing and bringing his hand up to my lips, kissing it softly. "You've been really great about all of this...the mood swings, the cravings, everything."

"I've enjoyed every minute of it, querida," Jesse says, kissing me as he pulls off his t-shirt and pulls down his sweats.

Seeing him naked gets me all hot and bothered again and I pull him as close to me as I can, kissing him intensely.

"Stupid belly," I mumble as I can only get him so close to my body.

"Shhh," he whispers, pressing a finger against my lips and smiling.

"I want to be close to you Jesse," I moan out.

"You're closer to me than anyone has ever been," he whispers, placing a soft kiss on my lips. "And this baby," he continues, placing his hand on my belly. "Is bringing us even closer."

"Jesse, that is so sweet...but too bad right now my mind is focused on one thing and one thing only," I say to him.

He laughs and kisses me with so much passion, it would have knocked me over if I wasn't already laying down.

"Mmmm, touch me Jesse," I moan out, grasping at his body.

His hands are suddenly anywhere and everywhere on my body, making me moan loudly. He laughs and shushes me. "You don't want your mother to hear, do you?" he asks.

"I...I'm sorry but oh my god that feels so gooooooood," I moan, biting my lip to try to keep myself quiet.

"Oh God...Jesseeee," I moan out, my eyes jamming shut as I feel his lips kissing down my body, getting lower and lower.

As he starts to pleasure me, I sort of hate my belly, because it means I can't see him as he does it.

It's not like I'd be able to see him anyway because my eyes are still shut, concentrating on this intense pleasure Jesse's giving me.

"Jesse...I need more..." I moan, clutching the bed sheets as I breathe heavily.

"Tell me what you want, querida," he whispers and I assume he's looking up at me because he doesn't continue what he started.

"Oh god, I need you to fuck me Jesse," I whimper out as he still doesn't do anything after a moment.

When he still doesn't do anything, I open my eyes, gasping as I see that he's face to face with me. He kisses me passionately and whispers, "As you wish."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Hey all, soooo sooooo sooo sorry for the long wait, school's been awful lately, so without further ado, here's the next chapter, enjoy )

Chapter 14

"Mom, I'm going to go meet Jesse, we're going to take a walk and then we'll be back for dinner, okay?" I call to mom before leaving the dorm room. Jesse had classes today, and we made plans for me to meet him in the courtyard at 4.

"Ok sweetie, have fun," she calls back to me and I quickly leave the dorm room, saying hi to a couple of our neighbors.

It's still a little bit weird, living in the married couples floor. I mean, they're all married sure, but I'm the only pregnant one.

Once I'm out of the building, I smile as I see Jesse and start walking over to him. Then I see he's not alone and I stop right in my tracks.

"What the fuck?" I say to myself as I move out of the way for some people.

How could I ever forget that long blond hair or rail-thin shape? Not to mention the laugh. The hideously obnoxious laugh that makes my ears ring every time I hear it.

And to make matters worse, I think it's possible that she's even more gorgeous now than she was 4 months ago.

Under ordinary circumstances, I would NOT go over there, but I'm pregnant, so I can't be held responsible for my actions. I walk up to the both of them, putting my hand on Jesse's shoulder. "Hello Rebecca," I say coldly.

"Suze! Long time no see!" she exclaims in that chirpy voice of hers, "You look so...pregnant!"

I wish dreams were like wishes, and wishes came true, cause in my dreams I'm always with you.

One day you'll come to me and ask me what's more important: You or my life. I'll say my life and you'll walk away never knowing that you're my life.

I resist the urge to smack her in the face. Instead I just stare at her. "Yes, I am pregnant. I even was way back when you KISSED my husband. Do you remember, or is it true what they say about blondes?" I ask, my voice shaking with months of pent up anger.

"Chill, Susie. Jesse and I worked out that whole thing a long time ago, you have nothing to worry about," she says.

I just stare at her for a moment before glancing over at Jesse who's looking at the floor. Biting my lip softly, I turn on my heel and walk away.

I walk as quickly as I can in my condition, and I'm about to head back to the dorm when I remember that my mom's there...shit.

"Susannah, wait!" I hear Jesse call and in a minute, he's in front of me, blocking my path.

"Get out of my face," I hiss, trying to get around him.

"Let me explain," he practically begs and I'm about to tell him to fuck off when a familiar voice intervenes.

"Suze, are you alright?" Tad asks from next to me, placing a hand on my arm.

"Just fine," I tell him, never once taking my eyes off of Jesse. "Come on, let's take a walk, Tad."

"Susannah," Jesse says but I turn my head and glare at him.

"I'll see you later, Jesse," I nearly growl, turning away from him and walking away with Tad.

"What just happened there?" Tad asks me when we get a safe distance away from Jesse.

"Rebecca," is all I say but he gets it immediately. He sighs and puts his arm around me.

"They've been talking for about a month and a half now...I would have told you but I haven't seen you around lately," he says softly.

Now hurt mixes in with the anger and I feel tears fill my eyes. "I can't believe him," I mumble, looking down at my feet. Well, I can't really see my feet but whatever.

"I'm sure he just didn't want to upset you...maybe he had to work with her because the teacher made them partners?" Tad offers.

"So that's all it's been?" I ask, my voice a little shaky. "Just talking? I mean...have you seen them...do you think he's..." I cant even bring myself to say it.

"I've only seem them together in class, so I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry," Tad says softly.

"It figures," I mumble as he leads me over to a bench and sits down with me. "I'm actually happy...completely and totally happy...now this happens."

"Talk to him, Suze. It's probably a humongous misunderstanding," Tad says softly.

"But she's so skinny and good looking," I mumble, sighing. "And I'm...well...pregnant."

"Okay, hold on a second. You're pregnant, yes, but with Jesse's baby, that should make him automatically love you 10 times more, no, 100 times more than he would ever even LIKE Rebecca," Tad says.

"Not Jesse's baby," I say softly, looking up at him. "My ex-boyfriend's baby. Paul's baby."

"Oh...that's right, I forgot about that," Tad says, his voice almost silent.

"He's probably realized that he can't raise someone else's child and wants to be with Rebecca now," I whisper, letting out a shaky sigh.

"Suze, that's ridiculous. He would've bailed a long time ago if he thought that," Tad says.

"I'm just so confused, Tad," I say, burying my face in my hands. "Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"He probably doesn't want to upset you, Suze," Tad says, rubbing his hand up and down my back soothingly.

"This is probably just the hormones getting the best of me," I whisper, looking up and wiping away my tears.

"You're 9 months pregnant, you have a very big excuse...no pun intended," Tad says quickly.

I laugh a little before leaning over to hug him. "Thanks, Tad," I whisper. "You really made me feel better."

"Any time, Susie Q. You know where to find me," Tad says.

I give him an extra squeeze before pulling back. "I want to go find Jesse," I tell him. "I'll call you or something, ok? I've really missed seeing you."

"I'll hold you to that," Tad says, helping me up off the bench.

I smile and lean up, kissing him softly on the cheek before whispering a quick goodbye and walking away.

By the time I get back to the dorm room, it's close to about 6 and a few things happen in rapid succession as soon as I enter the room.

Number one: my mom jumps up off of the house, practically screaming, "Where have you been!?" Number two: Jesse rushes toward me, saying, "We need to talk." Number three: I walk right up to Jesse, whisper, "I'm sorry," before kissing him.

Once I pull back, I see that Jesse's expression is much calmer, a smile now on his face as he kisses my forehead.

My mother is just standing there, staring at us. After a moment, she asks, "Do I even want to know?"

"No, mom, you really don't," I say softly.

I can't take my eyes away from Jesse who seems like he can't stop smiling. I smile back and lean up to kiss him again before wrapping my arms around him.

"I'll give you guys some time...Italian food alright for dinner?" Mom asks.

"Sounds good, mom," I say, still looking up at Jesse who returns my gaze.

"I'll be back in an hour or two..." she says before quickly leaving.

Once the door sloes, Jesse leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. "I should explain," he says.

"You should," I say, but by now I'm not really all that mad, just...disappointed I guess.

He leads me over to the couch and sits me down, taking my hand in his. "I know I should have told you," he says softly, looking down at our intertwined hands.

"You should have," I say, looking away momentarily.

He reaches out and turns my face back so that I'm looking at him again. "I just want to know why, Jesse," I say softly.

"Mr. McDowell assigned us to be partners. I went to him immediately and requested a change, but he said no. So I figured I might as well be civil with her. I didn't want to tell you because I knew how you felt about Rebecca, and I remembered quite well what happened the last time she was in the picture," Jesse says to me.

I'm silent for a moment before sighing and looking up at him. "I would have been mad, but I also would have gotten over it. Would you have preferred me finding out the way I did?" I ask him.

"No, absolutely not. I'm so sorry for not telling you immediately, querida," Jesse gushes.

"I'm sorry too," I say, squeezing his hand. "I kind of over reacted."

"You had every right to be," Jesse says, kissing me softly.

"What happened to us being able to tell each other everything?" I ask, my voice low as he takes me in his arms. "You're my best friend. I want you to trust me."

"I'm sorry, querida," he says, holding me even tighter.

"I do trust you," he tells me, softly stroking my hair. "I trust you more than anyone in the world."

"I wish you'd show it sometimes, Jesse," I mumble against his shirt.

"Querida," he whispers against my hair. I don't say anything, just holding him tighter, wishing that these goddamn tears would stop falling.

"I love you, Jesse," I say, closing my eyes to try and make them stop.

He must feel the tears through his shirt because he pulls back and I look up at him. He places his hands on my cheeks, wiping my tears away. "I love you too," he tells me. "Not anyone else. You."

A little chuckle comes out of my mouth as I kiss the hand that's wiping my tears away.

He leans forward and kisses me tenderly, letting his lips linger on mine for a moment. I love the feeling of his lips on mine.

"I give you permission to beat me up the next time I do something stupid, querida," Jesse says to me.

"Like I need permission?" I ask, laughing. He laughs along with me, his face breaking out into a huge grin.

"Do you want to take that walk now, querida?" Jesse asks me, lacing his fingers with mine.

"I would love to," I reply, smiling as he helps me stand up. When we're both standing, he pulls me in for a soft kiss.

"Te adoro, querida," he whispers before leaning in and kissing me again, and again.

"If you keep kissing me, I won't want to leave," I whisper, slipping my arms around his neck.

"Alright, let's go," he mumbles, taking my hand in his and walking with me out of the dorm room.

We take a walk around some of our favorite spots on campus, talking about...well, everything. It's hard, though, to talk about our life back in Carmel without mentioning Paul, who's been on my mind a lot lately with the baby coming soon.

"Are you tired yet, querida?" Jesse asks me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

I shake my head, though a yawn escapes my lips. He smiles a little and says, "I'll take that as a yes."

"I wish I were light enough for you to carry up like I used to be," I say, giggling a little bit.

"You will be soon," he says softly, reaching over and gently resting his hand on my belly.

"She's getting big, and restless," I say, placing my hand over his.

"Yeah, she'll be a fiery one," he replies. "Just like her mother." I laugh and lean my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"I hope she has some of her father's patience and all of his other amazing features as well, though," I say softly.

He laughs and kisses my cheek. "We'd better head home before it gets too late," he says softly.

"Yeah, mom will be home soon with the food, and Italian sounds really good...but cold Italian doesn't," I say, chuckling.

"Yes, I agree," he replies and I smile, closing my eyes again as we walk back to the dorm building.

"You're so beautiful, Susannah," Jesse says, stopping me and kissing me before we enter the dorm room.

I smile and kiss him back. "I love you, Jesse," I whisper.

He opens his mouth to reply, but stops all of a sudden as I clutch his arm, my eyes widening.

"Oh my God," I mumble, closing my eyes and leaning back against the wall. "I...I think..."

"Susannah...what is it, is it the baby?" Jesse asks, his voice near panic.

In a moment, the pain that had just flooded me is gone. "I think...I think that was a contraction," I tell him, opening my eyes.

"Oh my god...querida...oh my god...your mother isn't here...oh my god," Jesse says, his eyes wide and a panicked looked on his face.

"Well, forget her because...OH my God," I groan, the pain sweeping through my body again.

"Jesse, get me to the hospital...oh god, you have a cell phone just call her when we get there, owwwwww," I groan, my knees almost giving away.

"Ok...ok, come on," he says, just catching me before I sink to the ground. "Come on, let's get you to the car."

"Owwww, it hurts so bad," I gasp as a minute later another contraction sweeps over my body.

"It'll be all right, Susannah," he says softly, trying to calm me down. "Just remember the breathing exercises and try not to think about the pain. We'll be at the hospital soon."

He helps me into the backseat and then jumps up the front, and he's about to drive off when we hear the frantic cries of my mother, who's running up to the car.

She quickly opens the door, closing it just as quickly. "Come on, Jesse, DRIVE!" she practically screams and I can't help but laugh. I've never seen her like this before.

"Okay, Susie, just breathe. I know it hurts, it probably hurts more than anything you'll ever experience, but just take deep breaths and try to stay calm," Mom coaches.

I squeeze my eyes shut and just keep breathing when another contraction comes. "Oh my God, mom...I don't think I can!" I exclaim, tears filling my eyes.

"Breathe, Susie, breathe," Mom says over and over again, as a sort of mantra.

As the pain increases, I suddenly scream at Jesse, "DRIVE FASTER!"

"I swear I'm already going 20 over the speed limit, querida, and I don't think you want to get pulled over," Jesse says back at me.

"Ohhhh God, this hurts," I groan, sweat forming on my forehead and tears falling down my face.

"We're about 2 minutes from the hospital, hold on tight, querida," Jesse says, pushing on the pedal a little harder.

In even less than two minutes, we pull up at the hospital. The next thing I know, I'm in a hospital bed and Jesse holding tightly onto my hand, whispering comforting words in my ear.

"The doctor is on his way, querida, trust me, your mother is making sure of that," Jesse says, running his fingers through my hair.

"It hurts," I whimper as he takes a cool cloth and wipes the sweat from my forehead.

"Mr. and Mrs. de Silva, my name is Dr. Thompson and I'll be the doctor delivering your baby today," a tall middle aged man says, walking into our room swiftly, charts in his hand.

"I want this baby out of me," I nearly scream, opening my eyes for a fraction of a second before closing them again, the pain of another contraction sweeping through me.

"Hold on just one moment, here comes the epidural," Doctor Thompson says and I hear a nurse wheel something into the room.

"Jesseeee this hurts," I moan, looking up at him with tear filled eyes.

"This should make it a little better, querida, just look at me," Jesse says to me and I squeeze his hand tighter as the nurse takes the needle and inserts it into my spine, which HURTS by the way.

"Sing me that song, Jesse," I whisper, trying to take my mind off the pain. "The one you always used to sing to me."

"Oh Susannah, don't you cry for me," Jesse starts singing and I can't help but giggle despite the pain.

"For I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee," he continues and I keep smiling. He started singing this to me back in seventh grade. I thought it was the most annoying thing in the world.

"Okay, Suze, we're going to need to you start pushing here," Doctor Thompson says and I let out a soft whimper.

"You can do it, Susannah," Jesse says to me, squeezing my hand. I squeeze it back probably ten times as hard as I start to push.

"Jesse, I don't care how bad you want a baby, you're never getting me pregnant, ahhhhhhh," I exclaim, knowing that this probably sounds weird to the doctor and nurses who think Jesse is this baby's father.

I'm just glad my mom isn't in the room. Hopefully she'll never have to find out who the baby's biological father is.

"Okay, give us another strong one, Suze, we're almost there!" I hear the doctor exclaim and I take a deep breath before pushing as hard as I possibly can.

I let out a cry of anguish and squeeze Jesse's hand as hard as I can, pushing until the sounds of crying fill the room.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. de Silva, you have a baby girl," Dr. Thompson says, smiling at us as he holds up our daughter.

"You did it, querida," he says softly as my head falls back against the pillow and I close my eyes, breathing deeply. "We have a baby girl."

I let out a small chuckle as the nurse walks over to us with Catherine in her arms, wrapped tightly in a pink blanket, already cleaned off.

I take her into my arms, smiling down at her as the nurse asks us in a soft voice, "Do you have a name picked out yet?"

"Catherine Nicole de Silva," Jesse says to her, and I look over at him, seeing this look of pure happiness and astonishment on his face.

I turn my eyes back to Catherine who slowly opens her eyes for the first time and looks up at me with these beautiful blue eyes.

"Jesse, she's so beautiful," I say, partially in awe, as she reaches a tiny dimpled hand up and takes my pinky, tugging on it gently.

"I know, Susannah," he says in a choked whisper, reaching out and gently stroking her cheek.

I smile and run my hand through the small patch of brown hair on the top of her fair head before I look up to Jesse, seeing the tears in his eyes, "Do you want to hold her?" I ask quietly.

His eyes widen slightly and he nods before taking her from me, holding her gently, like he's afraid she might break or something.

"It's okay Jesse, just hold her under her head like that," I guide him gently.

"She's...absolutely beautiful," he breathes, looking down at her with wide eyes that are filled with tears.

"I know, but damn was she a lot of work," I say, chuckling as I rest my head back on my pillow once again.

I let out a yawn and close my eyes. "You should rest, querida," Jesse whispers.

"How can I? Especially when I know she might need me," I say.

"Just close your eyes for a little while," he says softly to me, sitting down on the bed beside me.

"If you say so," I say before scooting over a little bit to give him more room.

I end up sleeping for hours because when I wake up, Jesse is sitting beside me, his hand over mine as he watches me sleep. "Where's Catherine?" I ask him.

"The nurses took her to the nursery, she's sleeping right now," Jesse tells me softly, running his thumb over the back of my hand.

"You shouldn't have let me sleep so long," I say, looking up at him with a small smile on my face.

"You needed it, querida. Your mother came in a few times while you were resting, and she got a chance to visit with Catherine. I can tell she is going to be a spoiled grandchild already," Jesse tells me.

I laugh a little and close my eyes for a moment before opening them. "Yeah, mom's been looking forward to this for a long time," I reply.

"I could tell. Now get some more rest, it's 3 in the morning," Jesse tells me.

"Have you been up this whole time?" I ask, motioning for him to lay beside me.

"I've been in and out of sleep," he says, moving so that he's lying on the bed.

I rest my head on his chest ad he wraps his arms around me. "You should get some sleep too," I whisper.

"I will, don't worry," he whispers to me, kissing my forehead.

"I love you Jesse," I tell him, closing my eyes and letting out a long, deep breath.

"I love you too, querida," he whispers before pulling me in his arms a little bit tighter.

I stay awake for a little while in his arms before falling asleep, thinking about Jesse, Catherine and the wonderful life we're going to have together.


	15. Chapter 15

Authors' Note: Thank you so much to all of our reviewers, hopefully you'll like this chapter as much as the last…though someone from Suze's past does return, you may not like it…but it had to be done hehe. Enjoy

Chapter 15

"What would you like peanut? Pears or apples?" I say to Catherine, who simply stares back at me from her spot in the baby seat in the grocery store cart. It's been 5 months since she was born, and every day is better than the last. I poke her belly softly and she lets out a little squeal of delight.

"Hmmm...ok, apples it is," I say, stopping the cart and taking 5 or 6 cans of apple baby food from the shelf, dropping them in the cart.

I look back at Catherine, or Kitty as I call her sometimes, Jesse likes to call her Kit, or querida sometimes, and she starts to babble her baby talk while kicking her little legs and clapping her hands together.

Jesse has been an amazing father, of course. Sometimes I think he's a better father than I am a mother, having grown up with five little sisters.

Whenever he isn't working on his school work, he's spending time with Kitty, whether it's taking a jog with her in her stroller, or taking her to the mall, to visit me when I'm working, yes I have a job now, at a clothes store in the local mall. I work part time, but it's enough to bring in some money as we slowly start to save for a small apartment nearby. But anyways, Jesse is just an amazing father.

I finish up the grocery shopping as quickly as I can, checking the time and seeing that Jesse should be back from class in about half an hour.

I turn on to the freezer aisle, nearly running my cart right into someone. "Oh my god, I'm..." I begin, trialing off as I see who it is.

"P...Paul?" I ask, all blood draining from my face as I slowly begin to back the cart away from him.

"Surprised to see me?" he asks, walking towards me as I keep moving away.

"Go away, Paul," I say, quickly turning the cart around.

In a moment, he's in front of me again, saying, "I want to see my daughter, Suze."

"You lost that right over a year ago," I hiss at him, glancing down at Kitty to see that she's still in her own little world.

"Look, I know I screwed up, but..." he says, trailing off and sighing. I laugh a little and shake my head. "Don't give me that, Paul. I'm not letting you anywhere near her," I say in an angry whisper.

"Suze, she's my DAUGHTER," Paul says, his tone becoming angry.

"No, she's not," I say, attempting to keep my voice calm. "If she was your daughter, you wouldn't want to have her killed before she had the chance to live."

"Suze, I was an idiot then...but being away this past year or so...it's given me time to think, to realize that I was a jackass, I should have stayed with you, Suze, I should have been there for you. I want to do that now," Paul says.

"It's too late for that!" I exclaim angrily. "It's way too late for that! If you really cared you never would have left in the first place!"

"Suze, you're causing a scene. There's no need for that. Listen, why don't we go back to your dorm, I assume that's where you and...him, are living, and we can talk this over like rational adults, I want to get to know my daughter," Paul says, looking past me and at Kitty, who lifts her gaze and looks up at him briefly before returning her attention back to the pacifier that I had just given her.

I just stand there for a minute and shake my head. "No, Paul," I say quietly. "I want you to leave. I just want you out of my life."

"Fine, I don't have to be in your life, but I want to be in hers," Paul says quickly.

"I don't want you in hers either," I reply, turning the cart around and walk away as quickly as I can.

Paul doesn't seem to get it though, and he follows me, reaching out and taking my arm, "You can't tell me that I can't see my daughter, Suze," Paul says, his voice low.

"I can and I will," I tell him, pulling my arm out of his grasp and walking away again.

"You're going to regret that Suze," Paul says, glaring at me before walking away, glancing back at us only once before leaving.

I let out a soft sigh and look down at Kitty who just stares up at me with wide eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see that," I whisper to her. "Hopefully you'll never have to see him again."

She simply blinks before she smiles and starts to giggle. I wonder all the time what goes through that baby head of hers, but I hope it'll always be there, that she'll always be this happy.

Seeing Paul shocked and scared me. What if he tries to take Kitty away from me? From Jesse? Just the thought brings tears to my eyes.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" The cashier asks me as she rings up my items and I nod my head quickly, swiping at the tears.

My cell phone starts to ring and I answer it, smiling as I see Jesse's number. "Hey, babe," I say into the phone.

"Hello, querida. Are you almost home? I have a surprise for you," Jesse replies.

"I'm on my way," I say as I leave the store, heading over to the car.

"I'll be waiting for you," he says before hanging up.

I smile a little to myself and put my phone away before loading the car and putting Kitty in her car seat.

I smile and kiss her nose, tickling her sides quickly before closing the door and moving to the front seat.

When I pull up in front of the dorm building, I see Jesse waiting for me. I smile at him as he walks over to the car, opening the door and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. "How was shopping?" he asks.

"It was good...can you start unloading while I take Kitty upstairs for her nap?" I ask him.

"Of course," he replies as I get out of the car, going around to the other side and taking Kitty in my arms.

"What's my surprise anyways?" I ask him as Jesse takes about 6 bags outs of the car and follows me.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise," he says, laughing a little.

"You're mean," I say, holding the door open for him and then walking towards the elevator.

As I open the door, I see my mother sitting on the couch and nearly drop Kitty. "Mom, what are you doing here?" I ask.

"Jesse called and asked if I could come for the weekend," Mom says, standing up and walking towards us. She hasn't seen Kitty since she was born.

"How's my baby angel?" she asks in a baby voice, taking Kitty from me and grinning at her.

"Uhm...well, I'm going to go help Jesse...could you lay her down for her nap mom? Thanks," I say before walking out of the room and glaring at Jesse, who was only a few seconds behind me.

"What is she doing here??" I exclaim quietly, standing right in front of him and stopping him in his tracks.

"She's part of the surprise, querida," Jesse says, grinning and leaning down, kissing me softly, before heading into the apartment to set the bags down.

I just stare after him in confusion before going down to the car and grabbing some more bags.

There weren't all that many, so I grab the rest and shut the trunk and head back up, Jesse meeting me halfway and taking some of the bags from me, "Okay, querida. Go into the bedroom, and look under the bed. There's a box, do what the box tells you to do," Jesse says to me.

"Yes sir," I say, still confused, but playing along anyway and going into the bedroom where there's a box with a little note on it.

_Querida,_

_Slip this on, wear it with my grandma's shawl, and those black strappy heels that you know I love, and meet me outside. You don't need to do your hair or makeup, you're perfect just the way you are._

_All of my heart, _

_Jesse_

I smile down at the note and place it on the bed beside the box. I open the box, my eyes widening.

I grab the dress, holding it up as a smile forms on my face. It's an absolutely beautiful strapless black cocktail dress, fitted at the top, and then with a wider skirt, the top and bottom separated by a tiny silver belt. Jesse did an excellent job picking it out.

I quickly slip it on before going over to the closet, finding the black shoes and shawl like Jesse said in the note. I run a brush through my hair a few times, resisting the urge to straighten it and do my makeup. But Jesse wants simplicity, however crazy that might be.

I'm just glad that I put on some eyeliner and mascara this morning before I went to the store, otherwise I would refuse to go out looking like this.

A few minutes later, I go out into the living room to see my mom and Jesse sitting on the couch and talking.

"Oh, Susie, you look beautiful," Mom says, smiling at us as she feeds Kitty.

I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear and smile, blushing a little. "Thanks, mom," I say as Jesse stands up, crossing the room and standing in front of me.

"Are you ready, querida?" Jesse asks, and I see that he's changed into a suit and tie.

"Yes, although I'm very reluctant to leave my baby," I say, glancing over at Kitty and sighing.

"She'll be perfectly fine with me, Susie, don't worry," Mom says, smiling at me before blowing a kiss.

I smile back and walk over to the two of them. "Bye Kitty," I whisper, leaning down and kissing her before pecking my mom on the cheek. "Bye mom."

"Bye sweetie, you two have fun," Mom says as Jesse takes my hand.

"We will, thank you for coming to look after Kit," he says, lightly squeezing my hand. "We'd better get going."

I say bye to mom once more before following Jesse out of the dorm room and to the car, "Where are we going, Jesse?" I ask him.

He smiles and shakes his head. "I'm not telling you," he says as we walk down to the elevator.

"You're mean, what if I just refuse to go with you?" I say as I step in with him.

"Are you really going to do that?" he asks, glancing over at me and smirking.

"I might...it depends on how mean you are to me," I say to him.

"I would never be mean to you, querida," he replies, squeezing my hand lightly as we arrive on the ground floor.

"You are now. You're not telling me where we're going, and you wouldn't let me do my hair and makeup," I say.

"I'm not telling you where we're going because I want to surprise you and I wouldn't let you do your hair and makeup because I think you're beautiful just the way you are," he says to me. "Now how is that being mean?"

"...Now you're being mean by making me feel...yeah," I say, pouting.

He chuckles lightly and pulls me into his arms. "Sorry, querida," he says, leaning down and kissing me.

"Sorry querida," I mimic before kissing him again and getting into the car.

He laughs and walks around to the other side, getting in and starting the car.

"Not even a little hint?" I ask, smiling sweetly at him.

He pauses, as if thinking, for a moment but then shakes his head. "Nope. I want you to be completely surprised," he says.

"Uuuugh!" I exclaim before pouting and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Ok, fine, I'll give you a hint," he says, and I sit up straighter, smiling at him. "When you were fourteen, you told me you were going to run away to this place after Brad threw your stereo out the window."

"When I was...when I was 14? JESSE COME ON! That was like...5 years ago!" I exclaim, pouting.

"You ranted and raved for days. I even remember you packing a bag and tried to find out when the bus left," he says, laughing at the memory.

"Why can't I remember this..." I groan, closing my eyes and resting my head against the headrest.

"I can't believe you don't remember, Susannah," he says, still laughing. "You even had Cee Cee convinced to go with you."

"Well, I remember bringing up Paris once...we're not going to Paris are we???" I exclaim, sitting up straight.

He laughs and shakes his head. "No, querida, we're not going to Paris," he tells me.

"Damn. I really don't' remember Jesse...are you sure I wasn't drunk?" I ask him jokingly.

"Did you frequently get drunk in ninth grade?" he asks in reply, glancing over at me and smiling.

"All the time. Don't you remember? You're the one who got me the booze, de Silva," I say, giggling.

"Ah yes, now I remember," he replies, laughing and taking one hand off the wheel and resting it on mine.

"I guess I'll just give up and take a nap now. Wake me up when we get there," I say to him, squeezing his hand softly before closing my eyes.

The last thing I remember before falling asleep was Jesse gently stroking the back of my hand with his thumb, whispering that he loves me.

"Querida, open your eyes," Jesse whispers to me.

"Mmmm...five more minutes," I mumble, only to hear him laughing. "Come on, Susannah, open your eyes," he says softly.

I groan and do so, letting out a sharp gasp as bright lights invade my eyes all around me, even through the tinted car windows.

My eyes quickly adjust and I sit up straight, my mouth falling open. "Oh my God," I breathe, mesmerized by all the lights. "We're in VEGAS, Jesse!!!"

"Exactly," he says, grinning at me before pulling into a parking lot and paying the fee, "I figured, since I have a final Wednesday, and you do remember what Wednesday is, right?"

"Of course!" I exclaim, reaching over and taking his hands. "How could I forget?" This upcoming Wednesday is our one-year anniversary.

"Well, since I have finals that day, I figured it wouldn't leave too much time to celebrate, so I decided we were going to celebrate most of it this weekend, here in Vegas," Jesse says, "starting now, with dinner."

We both step out of the car and Jesse hands the keys to the valet. "Where are we going for dinner?" I ask, reaching for his hand.

"This restaurant that one of my professors told me about," Jesse says, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it.

"Mmm, I can't wait," I say, moving closer to him and resting my head on his shoulder.

"You look so beautiful, querida," Jesse says, kissing me softly.

"You don't look too bad yourself," I reply, looking up at him and grinning. "How far is the restaurant?"

"Just around the corner," he informs me, and he isn't lying, it's right around the corner, and soon we're sitting down in one of the prettiest restaurants I've ever seen.

"This place is gorgeous, Jesse," I say softly as we look over the menu. "I've never seen anything like it."

"I'm glad you approve, querida," he says, smiling at me.

I smile back and scan some of the things on the menu, each item sounding more delicious than the next. "I can't decide," I say. "What are you having?

"I'm going to have the steak, of course," Jesse says, closing his menu and grinning at me.

I roll my eyes and laugh. "Of course, I should have known," I say, returning my eyes to the menu.

"I think I'll get...the lobster bisque," I say, "and maybe a glass of wine."

"Sounds good," he replies reaching across the table and taking my hand. "I want to ask you something, Susannah."

"Ask away," I say, lacing my fingers through his.

"Well, it's been on my mind a lot lately," he says, looking down at our hands before looking back up at me. "Do you...maybe want to try for another baby?"

"A...Another baby?" I ask, genuinely surprised, I had no clue Jesse wanted to try for one.

"I know it's really sudden," he begins softly. "And I do love Kit with all of my heart...but I want us to have a baby."

"Jesse...of course I want to have a baby with you...but so soon? We don't even have an apartment of our own yet..." I say slowly.

"Not right away," he says, squeezing my hand lightly. "But you do want another child, right?"

"Of course I do Jesse," I say, smiling lightly at him.

He smiles and brings my hand up to his lips, kissing it softly. "I have another question," he says.

"Oh?" I ask, my smile never fading.

"Do you think Paul will ever try and...you know...see Kit? Try to...take her?" he asks slowly.

"Actually...Jesse, there's something I need...that I need to tell you," I say slowly.

He reached out and took my other hand in his.

"What happened, querida?" he asks.

"You're going to get mad, Jesse," I say softly, "let's finish dinner first...and then I'll tell you."

He looks at me with concerned eyes and nods his head. "If you're sure," he says as the waiter comes over to our table.

"I'm sure," I reply quickly, before the waiter takes our orders, bringing out a bottle of sparkling cider and pouring it for us. It's not as good as wine, but it's still good.

The rest of dinner is kind of quiet and I completely regret having ever brought up the Paul thing. Well, technically he brought up Paul, but I could have chosen not to tell him.

"Are you angry, Jesse?" I ask quietly as we leave about an hour later.

"What did you want to tell me, Susannah?" he asks in reply, stopping and turning to me.

"I saw Paul today...in the grocery store. I turned the corner and he was there..." I say slowly.

When he doesn't reply, I go on, "He said he wants to be part of Kitty's life, but I told him no. I don't want him anywhere near her."

"Did he try to hurt you? Either of you?" Jesse asks me.

"No," I tell him, sighing. "But I'm scared, Jesse. He'll be back, I know he will."

"Don't worry about him, querida...I'll figure things out, and I'll keep him away," Jesse tells me, running a hand down my cheek.

I sigh and nod my head. "Let's just forget about him tonight and go have fun. I came here to be with you, not think about him," I say.

"Okay, let's go check into the hotel first then," Jesse says, lacing his fingers with mine.

I smile and nod my head, leaning up to kiss him. "I love you, Jesse," I tell him.

"I love you too, querida. You look so beautiful tonight," Jesse says to me, smiling his adorable smile at me.

I smile back and slide my arms around him. "Can you believe we've been married for just about a year now?" I ask.

"Not really, it seems like it's gone by so fast," Jesse says softly.

"It really has," I reply, leaning up and kissing him softly before pulling back. "Lead the way to the hotel."

"Yes ma'am," He says, and we walk down the busy street, stopping at a crosswalk before crossing over to the Palms casino and hotel.

"Wow, Jesse, this place is amazing," I say quietly as we enter the hotel. I look over at him and he squeezes my hand. "Only the best for you, querida," he says.

"It's so busy in here!" I exclaim, giggling as I look around at all of the people gambling.

He laughs and squeezes my hand. "Do you remember swearing to run away here back when you were fourteen?" he asks.

"I really don't, I can't believe you remembered that," I say, smiling at him.

"I remember a whole lot more than you think," he replies, leaning down and kissing my cheek.

"Ahh, Mr. de Silva, I have your reservations...unfortunately we had to book that room, so we bumped you up to one of our suites, free of charge," the concierge says.

"Oh wow, thanks," Jesse says as the concierge hands us our key cards. "You're very welcome, Mr. de Silva, I hope you and your wife enjoy your stay," he says.

"Thank you," Jesse says, putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the elevator.

I slip my arm around his waist as he presses the button on the elevator and the door closes. "Even the elevator's fancy," I say, giggling a little.

"We're in Vegas, querida, you need to get with the 21st century," Jesse teases.

"Shut up," I say, rolling my eyes but smiling a little.

"Wow, I think we're on the top floor," Jesse says, looking at the room number.

I just smile and rest my head against his shoulder, lifting it as the elevator opens. "After you, miss," he says, motioning for me to go before him.

"Thank you," I reply, walking down the hall until we reach the right room and Jesse puts the keycard into the lock.

"Oh my...wow," I say softly as he takes my hand, leading me into the suite.

"Jesse...this is almost more beautiful than our honeymoon suite!" I exclaim, looking around.

I go over to the window and feel him beside me in a minute as he slips his arm around my waist. "Wow, it looks so cool all lit up," I say.

"I know. I'm glad I get to see it for the first time with you, querida," Jesse says, kissing me softly before we return our gaze to the city of lights.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Sooooo sorry for the long wait, but here you go, here's the next chapter…and just in advance, we soooo apologize for the content….please don't hate us, hehe.

Chapter 16

"Susannah, wake up, we're home," Jesse whispers in my ear, his hand softly stroking my hair. Our weekend in Vegas had been one of the best of my life.

"Mmmm," I moan, stretching my arms over my head before leaning over and kissing him softly.

He smiles and rests his forehead against mine. "How long was I asleep for?" I ask.

"Pretty much the whole trip," he says and I let out a soft chuckle.

"As much as I loved the weekend, I'm so happy to be home," I say as we get out of the car. "I can't wait to see my baby girl!"

"I know, I've missed her so much," Jesse says, grabbing the bag of souvenirs that we got while we were there, out of the trunk.

I reach for his free hand and squeeze it a little. He smiles down at me, and leans down, pressing a soft kiss against my hair. "It really is good to be home, isn't it?" he asks.

"It really is," I say in reply softly, stroking the stubble on his chin, "you need to shave."

"Telling me what to do now are you?" he asks, a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he smiles down at me. "I am the man in this relationship. I will shave when I want, not when you tell me!"

"You say that now, Mr. de Silva, but let's see what you say a week from now when the only action you get is rosy palm," I say, smirking at him.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" he asks as we walk into the dorm building and over to the elevator.

"No, I'm not funny, I just tell the truth," I say, pressing the button for our floor.

He sticks his tongue out at me and laughs a little as the elevator dings and I rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes, still a little tired.

"You should take a nap on an actual bed when we get in, querida. I can take care of Kit for a while," Jesse says to me, stroking back a piece of loose hair from my face.

"I think I might," I reply, yawning a little as we walk down the hall to our dorm room. "You really wore me out this weekend."

"Hush your mouth, I wasn't the only one doing the wearing out," Jesse scolds me softly.

I laugh and reach for the doorknob, walking in and smiling as I see my mom and Kitty in the living room watching her favorite show Johnny and the Sprites.

"Hey there!" Mom exclaims, getting up and walking to us, giving me a hug, and then Jesse.

"Hey, mom," I say, smiling at her before going over to Kitty, smiling brightly as I pick her up.

"Hello precious," I say, kissing her forehead and smiling down at her.

"She was an absolute angel," Mom tells us as Jesse comes up beside me, smiling at Kitty.

"Of course she was," I say, chuckling softly before handing her to Jesse.

"So, how was your weekend?" Mom asks, sitting down and patting the spot beside her, signaling for me to sit down.

"It was perfect," I say, smoothing out my skirt as I smile over at her.

"I'm glad you two had a good time," she says, smiling at Jesse and me. "I'm going to be heading home sometime soon. I have work early tomorrow."

"All right, well I'm going to say goodbye to you now, I think I'm going to go rest for a while," I say, hugging her before getting off the couch.

She stands up with me and kisses me on the cheek. "You have to come back to Carmel sometime soon. Everyone misses the two of you," she says.

"We'll try mom," I say, smiling at her and saying goodbye once more before going to the bedroom.

I fall asleep almost instantly, waking up a couple hours later to see Jesse lying beside me, his brown eyes focused on me.

"Hey, querida," he says, smiling at me and stroking my cheek.

I let out a soft sigh and close my eyes, loving the feeling of his hand on my cheek. "Hey yourself," I whisper.

"Good nap?" he asks, moving his other hand to rest on the curve of my hip.

"Excellent," I reply, moving a little closer to him and smiling. "How's Kitty?"

"She's good, I just got her down for the night," Jesse informs me softly.

"What time is it?" I ask, looking up at the clock. It reads 8:30.

"It's her normal bedtime," Jesse says and I nod my head, sitting up a little and looking at the door, which is cracked open. We moved her crib to the living area not too long ago.

"When did my mom leave?" I ask him. "Not long after you came in here," he replies and I nod.

"You should have woken me up like an hour ago, babe," I say to him.

He shakes his head and leans forward, kissing me softly on the forehead. "You look so peaceful and beautiful when you sleep," he whispers.

"I'll have to take your word for that," I say, yawning a little.

He laughs and kisses me again. "Still tired, querida?" he asks.

"No, I'm just waking up," I say, grinning at him.

He grins back and kisses me with more passion than before. "Good," he whispers against my lips.

"Hmmm, it seems like you were WAITING for me to wake up," I say as I bring my hand up to his face.

"Hmmm...you may be right," he says, leaning in and kissing my again. I smile and bring my hand up to his face. "Mmmm...you shaved," I whispers.

"Don't think it's because you told me to or anything, I don't take orders from no woman," Jesse says.

"Oh I'm sure," I reply, moving so that I'm on top of him, kissing him from above.

"I was thinking of myself, and how much more dashing I looked, minus the 5 o'clock shadow," he says, resting his hands on my hips.

"I'm sure you were," I say, nodding my head seriously though there's a smile playing at my lips.

"My, my, Mrs. de Silva, are you ALWAYS this horny when you wake up?" Jesse asks me.

"Only when I wake up and see your gorgeous face," I whisper, leaning down so that our lips are almost touching.

"Well that's pretty much all the time," Jesse whispers in reply before leaning up and closing the space.

I let out a soft moan as our lips touch, kissing him more intensely than I think I ever have. He slides his arms around me and pulls me closer.

"Take off your clothes, Jesse," I moan out as I sit back and pull off the large t-shirt that I had put on.

"Now that's an order I will obey," he says softly, his voice husky and filled with desire.

I let out a small giggle as he takes me by the waist and flips me over, and now I'm on my back as he pulls off his shirt, and starts on his pants.

I quickly slip off my sweatpants just as he leans down and kisses me passionately, his hands leaving feather-light touches all over my body.

"Mmm, Jesse," I moan, my hands on his neck as his mouth moves down to mine.

"Oh querida," he whispers, his breath hot against my neck which makes me moan again.

"You are so...intoxicating," he groans as his hands grasp my breasts and his knee parts my thighs.

"Oh my god," I moan, my eyes fluttering closed, my head thrown back in pleasure.

"Shhh, you'll wake the baby," Jesse whispers, and then I feel his tongue against the skin at my collarbone, and he's kissing it and sucking lightly on it, his lips moving lower and lower until they reach my breast.

"I'll...I'll try...OH my God!" I exclaim, my hands gripping the sheets in my hands as pleasure races through my body.

It stops though, as Jesse brings his face back to mine, kissing me fiercely on the mouth, "As much as I love to you hear you call me God, you have to keep that gorgeous mouth of your quiet," Jesse says, smirking as he traces his finger over my lips before kissing them again.

"I'll try, baby," I reply, kissing him quickly once again. "But you're making it pretty hard."

"Dooooo you want me to...stop?" he asks, and I can feel his fingers dancing on my skin.

"Stop?" I repeat, looking at him and shaking my head. "Don't...please."

"Good, I was hoping you'd say that," Jesse says, and then he's lying on his back and he's pulling me on top of him.

"Mmmm," I moan, leaning down and kissing him tenderly, pressing my body against his.

He runs his hands up and down my back, venturing down to my ass a few times and grasping it, pressing me against him a little firmer.

"Baby," I moan, pulling back and looking into his eyes. "I need you."

"Yeah?" he asks and I bite my lower lip softly, running my hands over his muscular chest as I nod my head.

In an instant, I'm looking up at him and he returns my gaze, desire shining in his eyes and I know I have the exact same desire in mine.

"The man has to be on top, huh?" I ask in a breathy voice.

"A woman should know her place," he says, grinning down at me.

"Oh, oh right, sure, okay," I say, nodding my head, my face very serious.

He laughs for a moment before looking down at me with a serious expression. "You're so beautiful, querida," he tells me.

I feel a blush slowly creep up my neck as he leans down and kisses me, his hand tangling in my hair.

"Now, as much as I love to hear that," I say, looking up at him and smiling. "I think I'm gonna go crazy unless you make love to me. Right. Now."

"Oooh demanding, I like it," Jesse says, chuckling as he positions himself over me, and I let out a soft moan, clutching him tighter to me.

"I love you, Susannah," he whispers, looking down at me. I nod my head and reply, "I love you too."

With those words, he guides his erection to my opening and I let out a deep moan as we become one.

----------------------------------------------------

I think the best feeling in the world is being wrapped in Jesse's arms right after we make love. His breath is in time with mine and neither of us says anything; we just lay there, happy to be with one another.

Right now we're both giggling softly, euphoria just flooding all over our bodies, tangled together so intimately. Jesse's head is resting in the crook of my neck and my arms are wrapped around him tightly.

I run my hands up and down his back before letting them wander up into his hair, stroking his thick dark locks softly.

"That was...amazing, querida," Jesse says, sighing against my skin.

I nod my head and close my eyes, letting out a slow, soft sigh. "Yeah, it was," I reply.

"I mean, it's amazing every time, but tonight...it just seemed more...primal, I don't know, but dear lord Susannah," Jesse says, chuckling.

I laugh a little and lean my head down, kissing the top of his head. "I know what you mean," I reply.

"I love you so much, querida," Jesse says, tracing random lines on my stomach.

"I love you too, Jesse," I tell him as he looks up at me. "With all of my heart."

He smiles up at me and we just lay there like that, perfectly content, nothing wrong in the entire world and--OH MY GOD.

I sit up abruptly, exclaiming, "Shit!!" He sits up beside me, his eyes wide with fear. "Susannah, what is it??" he asks.

"Jesse! God...I forgot to take my pill today!" I exclaim softly.

"Well...I'm sure it'll be all right," he replies, taking my hand in his and softly stroking the back of it with his thumb.

"Yeah...I mean...it was only for one day, I took one yesterday and the day before, I think..." I say, trying to remember.

He smiles and nods his head. "See? Everything's fine," he says, bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it.

"Okay...okay, good. Let's get some sleep, it's almost 1, and you know Kitty likes to wake up at 5 to be fed," I say to Jesse.

He nods his head in agreement, leaning forward and kissing me softly before laying down and pulling me close. "Good night, Susannah," he whispers.

"Night," I say softly, letting out a soft sigh and snuggling up against my husband.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Have you heard from him since?" Cee Cee asks. I usually call her whenever I'm walking in the park with Kitty and she falls asleep. I just got done telling her about Paul.

"No, thank god. Hopefully he got it through that thick skull of his that he's never going to be in Kitty's life," I say, sighing softly, "Listen, Cee, I'll call you later, okay? I'm going to wake Kitty up in a few minutes to give her her afternoon snack."

"Ok. Give her a kiss from her Aunt Cee Cee," she replies, laughing a little. "And as soon as we can, Adam and I are definitely coming to visit! I miss you way too much!"

"I miss you too, Cee. I'll talk to you later," I say and she says bye before we both hang up and I stop the stroller under a shady tree.

I sit down on a bench and pull the stroller closer, smiling down at Kitty who's sleeping peacefully, off in her own little dream world. As I reach for her diaper bag to get her food, I hear a voice behind me. "She's beautiful, Suze."

My hands freeze and I turn around, looking up at none other than Paul Slater.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as he moves to sit next to me. "I thought I made it clear that I wanted you gone."

"And I thought I made it clear that I wasn't going away that easy," Paul says.

I ignore him and quickly zip up Kitty's diaper bag and stand up. "I'm leaving," I tell him, turning to do just that, but he stops me.

"Suze, stop being so irrational, she's my daughter, she's my flesh and blood!" Paul exclaims softly.

"You should have thought of that a year ago," I say, trying to keep my voice calm. "Now you're too late."

"No I'm not," Paul says firmly.

"You wanted her dead, Paul!" I exclaim, my anger getting the best of me and a few people look over at us. Hastily lowering my voice, I continue, "You wanted her dead before she even got the chance to live."

"I was an idiot then! I was an arrogant, pompous, asshole!" Paul exclaims to me.

"And you know what, Paul?" I say quietly, glaring at him. "You still are."

"You don't know that! I've changed, Suze! I've changed, but you won't give me a chance to show you that!" Paul cries out.

"You're making a scene, Paul," I say, my eyes darting to a nearby group of people who are watching us. "Just leave. And don't come back."

"No, I won't. I can't," Paul says, this time a little more calmly.

"Kitty has a father," I tell him. "A great father who loves her and would never want her dead. So just stop trying to barge into her life, ok?"

"I'm NOT leaving, Suze," Paul says as I quickly start to wheel Kitty away.

"Yes you are, Paul," I tell him, going as fast as I can without waking Kitty. "I don't want you in my life or my daughter's."

I hear him sigh loudly, but when I turn back to look he's still following me. Why won't he just GIVE UP??

I hurry into the dorm building and go straight to the elevator, getting in and closing the doors before Paul can get in.

I let out a sigh of relief, checking the time on my cell phone, it's 2:00, that means Jesse will still be taking his finals for another 3 hours or so, and wait for the elevator to reach my floor.

"What the fuck!" I exclaim, nearly running into Paul as I get off the elevator.

"I'm not leaving, Suze," he says firmly and I swear, if I had a gun I would shoot the SOB right now.

"Yes, you are!" I reply angrily, moving swiftly past him and to the dorm room.

"Suze, you can't shut me out of her life!" Paul exclaims, and I have no clue how, but he slips into the dorm room behind me, shutting and locking the door.

"I can and I am," I tell him, quickly getting Kitty out of her stroller and putting her in her crib before turning back to Paul. "Now get out."

"No," he says, and I can tell right now there's no way I'm pushing him out of here.

"I don't need you, Paul," I tell him, wishing I could get it through his thick skull. "And neither does Kitty. We have Jesse."

"You have Jesse. Seriously, Suze. Do you think what you have with him is nearly as close to what you and I had?" Paul asks, and oh god he's closing in on me now.

I feel my heart start to beat faster, but I don't show him how nervous I'm getting. "I love him more than I ever loved you," I tell him.

"No you don't. That's just a lie you're telling yourself," Paul says, and too late I realize he's backed me into the bedroom.

"No," I say, trying to be firm, but my voice shakes a little. "I love him."

"What was that tremor I just heard? Could it possible be desire? Desire that you've kept deep down inside you, just for me?" Paul says, and I swear he looks just like a lion stalking its prey.

"No," I say, successfully keeping my voice under control. "I don't love you anymore. And I do NOT have any desire for you."

"Liar," Paul says, and before I can even blink, he's reached me and he's kissing me.

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, pressing our bodies together. Instantly, I push him away and bring my hand up, smacking him across the face.

In the few seconds that follow, Paul stands pretty much perfectly still, a look of shock written across his face.

I'm breathing heavily, glaring daggers at him. I don't think I've hated anyone as much as I hate him right now.

He blinks and then he's closing in on me again, kissing me even more fervently than before.

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm kissing him back, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

He lets out a moan so deep that he sends shivers straight down my spine, making my skin tingly with desire as he carries me over to the bed.

He sits down on the bed with me still wrapped around him. I push him down so he's on his back, never once taking my lips off his.

"Take your clothes off, NOW," I command him as I try to slip out of my dress.

I move so that I'm not on top of him anymore and nearly rip off my dress, moving to remove my bra when Paul nearly jumps on me, attacking my lips with his.

"Mmmmm," I moan as his lips start attacking my neck, giving me so much pleasure that I think I'm going to melt into a puddle of goo.

"I told you you wanted this," he whispers, his lips moving against my neck, making my skin tingly all over.

"Stop talking or I might change my mind," I whisper huskily, running my hands through his hair.

"Yes ma'am," he says, kissing me fiercely and after that, no more words are spoken.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews, and again we do apologize. This chapter is short, but it's that way for a reason. More will be up soon Ohhh by the way, we have a new story up that all you wonderful readers should go check out wink wink There will be lots of Jesse wonderfulness in there as well, heh. Anyways, hope you enjoy

Chapter 17

Breathing. Deep breathing. That's the only sound that echoes through the room an hour later.

Paul's on the other side of the bed while I sit far away from him, my knees hugged against my chest and my chin resting on my knees.

I feel so...dirty. Yes, dirty. That's the only word that I can use to describe my emotions right now, the way I feel.

I glance over at Paul. He's still sleeping soundly. I blink and a few tears fall down my face, my heart throbbing with pain.

How could I do that to Jesse? How...How could I? What could have possibly been going through my mind?

As I close my eyes, I can see his face, his dark brown eyes filled with tears. His expression is hurt, broken.

When I open my eyes...I see the same exact thing.

"Jesse," I whisper, more tears starting to fall. His eyes leave my face for a second and wander over to Paul.

"Querida?" he asks, his voice soft but with a hard edge to it.

I can't say anything over the lump in my throat so I just keep crying. He just continues to stare at me, his expression hurt and confused.

"Susannah...what..." Jesse says and that's when Paul stirs and starts to sit up.

For a moment, Jesse just stares blankly at Paul before his face contorts in anger. "...Slater," he says, his voice filled with more hatred than I'd ever heard before.

I gulp and look between the two of them as a smirk forms on Paul's face, and the scowl deepens on Jesse's to the point where I'm almost scared of him.

Jesse starts moving forward, a determined look on his face. "Jesse," I start to say, but it's too late. He draws his fist back and punches Paul in the face.

Paul yelps in pain, clutching his nose as Jesse rears his arm back and punches him again.

"Jesse!" I exclaim, moving forward to pull them apart but Jesse holds me back.

"No, Susannah, stay out of this," he says.

"Jesse, you need to stop!" I exclaim again, trying to get him away.

"He hurt you, Susannah!" Jesse exclaims, turning around to face me with anger in his eyes.

"Suze, tell him what REALLY happened, why don't you!" Paul exclaims angrily.

Jesse's punching abruptly stops and he looks at me. "What does he mean?" he asks.

"Tell him," Paul growls, glaring at Jesse and then looking at me.

The hurt expression returns to Jesse's face and he walks over to me. "Please, tell me he isn't saying what I think he's saying," he whispers to me.

"Jesse...I..." I whisper, my voice too choked with tears for any proper words to come out.

I look down at the floor, not wanting to see the sadness in Jesse's eyes. After a moment, I feel him take my hand and place something in it. I look up and see that he's crying now, too. "Happy anniversary," he whispers.

"Jesse," I whisper but he merely shakes his head before walking out, and that's when the tears come in full force.

"Suze," I hear Paul say softly as he walks over to me but I step back.

"Paul..." I say, my voice shaking with anger, "Get. OUT."

"Suze," he repeats, his voice rising a little but I just shake my head. "Get AWAY from me!" I cry.

"Get out of here! I never want to see your face again!" I exclaim.

"How can you say that, Suze?" he demands and he's about to continue but I shake my head. "Get OUT!" I exclaim again practically pushing him away from me.

"I made a mistake, a horrible, horrible mistake, and if I could, I would go back and change it!" I cry.

Apparently at a loss for words, Paul just picks up the rest of his clothes and leaves as I fall down onto my knees, the tears continuing down my face.

A period of time passes, I don't know how long, but suddenly I hear Kitty crying and I'm brought back to the immediate present.

I quickly wipe my tears and stand up, letting out a deep breath before going out to the living room, going over to Kitty's crib.

"Hey baby, mommy's here," I say softly before feeding her and changing her diaper. And that's when an idea pops in my head.

I quickly pick up the phone and dial my mother's number, waiting two rings before she picks up. "Susie?"

"Mom...I fucked up," I whisper.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Thanks for the reviews So without further ado, here's the next chappppter

Chapter 18

"Why didn't you tell me before? About Kitty being Paul's?" Mom asks a couple hours later after I finish telling her the whole story.

"I was so ashamed...Jesse, Cee Cee, Adam, and Paul were the only ones who knew," I say softly.

"It was very great, what Jesse did for you," she says, placing her hand on mine. I nod my head before sighing.

"But now I've screwed up. God, mom...I don't know what I'm gonna do," I say, a few tears falling from my eyes. "I screwed up so bad."

"Well, he has to come back here eventually. I'm going to take Kitty back to Carmel with me, I know a lot of people up there who would love to see her, and you are going to stay here and save your marriage," Mom says firmly.

"Thanks for coming to get her, mom," I reply, leaning over to hug her. We pull apart and she smiles.

"Good luck, Susie," she says.

Thanks," I say, wiping away my tears as mom picks up Kitty and her diaper bag. The car seat is already in her car.

"I'll call you later tonight," I tell her and she nods her head, kissing me on the cheek.

"I'll talk to you then, sweetie," she says as I lean down and kiss Kitty gently on the forehead, smiling down at her. After they leave, I just pace back and forth across the living room floor, wringing my hands nervously as I wait for Jesse to return.

The hours go by slowly and soon it's 11 o'clock and he's still not home. Where is he????

That's when my cell phone starts to ring and I nearly jump out of my skin as it breaks the silence that's been filling the room for hours.

I look at the caller ID, but don't' recognize the number, "H...Hello?" I say as I answer it.

"Is this Susannah de Silva?" a voice I don't recognize asks. "Uhm...yes," I reply, confused.

"Please hold for Jesse de Silva," the person says and I become even more confused. What the fuck is this???

"Susannah?" comes Jesse's voice.

"Jesse, where the hell are you?" I ask almost angrily.

"I'm...I'm in jail," he says so quietly that I almost don't hear him.

"That's funny," I say after a moment. "I thought you just said you're in jail."

I hear him sigh heavily before he continues, "Suze, listen, I'm in jail, and I need you to post my bail," Jesse says.

"What? Why are you in jail?" I ask, choosing to ignore the fact that he just called me Suze. He's never ever EVER called me that before.

"I...got in a fight," Jesse says, "in a bar."

I let out a long, slow sigh before nodding my head. "I'll come get you," I say quietly. "Where are you?"

"The county jail," Jesse says and I hear him sighing.

"I'll be right there," I tell him, wanting to say more but he hangs up before I can.

I let out a deep sigh and run into the bathroom, fixing my makeup and hair, though I know it won't matter, and pulling on a pair of jeans and a tank top.

It doesn't take long to get there and get him out, but the ride home seems like the longest car ride I've ever taken.

Jesse's in the front seat next to me, but he hasn't looked me in the eye once since I arrived and got him out. Not even when he mumbled a pitiful thank you.

I park the car and get out, Jesse following suit. We don't speak as we get in the elevator and go up to our floor.

We don't talk as we enter the apartment and I shut the door behind us, locking it, even though I don't know what good that will do.

Finally, Jesse breaks the silence. "I'm filing for a divorce tomorrow," he says.

"No you're not," I say firmly.

"Yes, I am," he tells me. "How do you expect me to stay after what you did?"

"Jesse, you can't just leave, we have to work this out," I say.

"WHAT IS THERE TO WORK OUT!" he shouts and I flinch as if he hit me. "You slept...you...God, I can't even say it, Suze! How could you do that??"

"I don't know! Don't you think I regret it, Jesse? Don't you think I know that I fucked up? Don't you think that if I could, I would go back and change it all???" I exclaim.

"Look, I don't want to do this in front of..." he begins, trailing off. "Wait, where's Kitty?"

"My mom has her. She's going to look after her while we fix this," I tell him.

He doesn't say anything and I move forward, reaching for his hands, but he backs away. "Don't touch me," he says angrily.

"I'm not the only one who's ever done anything wrong in this marriage, Jesse de Silva," I say back, just as angrily.

"Right, because what happened with me and Rebecca is EXACTLY the same," he says sarcastically.

"No, it isn't. I'll be the first one to admit that, but still Jesse. You can't just give up on us this easily!" I cry.

"Come on! You were the one who was ready to pack up and leave when you saw me with Rebecca!" he nearly shouts at me.

This silences me for a moment as I remember that I was going to leave for Carmel after seeing them kiss.

"So you can't say ANYTHING about me giving up too easily," he tells me, filling the silence.

"I'm not going to let you leave, Jesse. Especially now that Kitty is born, and she recognizes you as her father," I say to him.

"I have no intention of leaving Kit," he says and I sigh.

"Well, you can't drop out of my life but expect to still be in hers. She's my daughter just as much as she is yours," I tell him.

"Susannah, you need to go," Jesse says, a look of anger and betrayal still on his face.

"Don't do this, Jesse," I say feebly, tears forming in my eyes. "I love you."

"Really? Because I thought when you loved someone, and you were married to them, that you stay faithful to them, that you don't go off and screw your ex," Jesse says sharply.

"I'm sorry, Jesse!" I exclaim, reaching for his hand and grabbing it before he can pull away. "You don't know how sorry I am."

"I know, I just don't care," Jesse says, pulling his hand away.

I let out a shaky sigh and look up at him, my eyes pleading with him to forgive me but he looks away.

"How can you not care?" I demand angrily. "You have to hear me out! I did the same for you after what happened with Rebecca."

"Barely," Jesse says, a sneer on his face, and I don't like the way he's looking at me.

"You have to give me another chance, Jesse," I say softly, reaching for his hand yet again.

"Don't...don't touch me, Susannah," Jesse says, pushing my hands away.

"Jesse," I beg, moving closer to him when an angry look flashes in his eyes.

"Susannah, I said STOP!" Jesse shouts.

I'll never believe what he does next, not in a thousand years: he raises his hand and a moment later, it connects with my cheek, causing me to scream.

The shock of it all, him actually hitting me, the force of his hand on my cheek, it causes me to reel back and fall on the floor.

"I...Susannah, I..." I hear Jesse whisper, but I'm not really listening. I'm concentrating on the pain in my cheek as tears fall from my eyes.

I'm looking around in shock. Shock is the only thing that I feel right now...shock, and it's slowly turning into hurt.

"You hit me," I say slowly, as if saying the words out loud would help me to comprehend what happened. It doesn't.

"Susannah...I...I..." Jesse stammers, but I don't give him the chance to say anything else.

Getting up slowly, I walk up to him, "I guess...well, I guess you really don't want me around anymore," I say through my tears before walking briskly to the bedroom.

I go over to the dresser and start to take out my clothes when I hear the front door open then close. Once I'm sure he's gone, I fall to the floor and bury my face in my hands.

If it were Paul we were talking about, I don't think it would be really out of the ordinary, I mean, I could see Paul hitting someone in the heat of the moment...but Jesse...I could have never pictured Jesse doing this.

Wiping away my tears, I take my cell phone out of my pocket and hastily dial my mother's number, trying to calm myself down while it rings.

After 4 rings, though, it goes to her voicemail and I hang up, wiping my eyes again.

After a moment, I call Cee Cee who answers almost right away. "Hello?"

"Cee Cee," I sob into the phone, and soon I'm telling her everything.

"He did WHAT!" she exclaims when I tell her that Jesse hit me. "That doesn't sound like him at all."

"I know," I whisper and then my phone beeps, letting me know it's about to die soon.

"I have to go, Cee, my phone's about to die," I tell her quietly as I hear the front door open.

"Okay, bye Suze...call me as soon as it's charged. I love you, bye," Cee Cee says before hanging up.

I turn the phone off and look up as I hear Jesse's footsteps in the room. I hastily look away, not able to look into his eyes or else I know I'll start crying again. He walks over to me, and I see him crouch down so that he's level with me.

He just sits there for a moment before wrapping his arms around me. I sit there, completely stiff, not sure of what to do.

Only after a moment do I realize that he's crying. His body is shaking from the sobs.

Of course, this sends me right over the edge and I start to cry too. He holds me tighter and I move so that my arms are around him, holding him just as tightly.

"Querida...I am so sorry," he says after I don't know how long.

I don't say anything, just let out a long, shattered breath as he looks at me, his eyes still filled with tears.

"I...I don't know what came over me, but I had absolutely no right..." he says brokenly.

"I don't want you to leave," he continues softly. "I didn't mean what I said before..."

"Yes you did, Jesse, but I don't blame you, I'm an awful person," I say.

He doesn't say anything for a while, but when he does, I feel myself start to cry all over again. "Why, Susannah? Why did you...I just don't understand."

"I don't either! One moment I was screaming at him to get out and to never come back, and the next...I just...I don't know," I say to him earnestly.

"If I could take it back, you know I would," I tell him when he remains silent.

"Is he gone? For good?" Jesse asks me.

"I hope so," I reply, sighing. "I really do."

"I can't just forgive you like that, Susannah...it's really going to take a while," Jesse says to me.

"I know, Jesse," I reply, moving slightly away from him. "I know."

"Come with me...there was something that I was going to show you today..." Jesse says, standing up.

I stand up with him, nodding my head. "Ok," I reply, following him from the room.

He takes me outside, and then I get into the car, seeing how he still has some alcohol in his system, most likely, and he tells me where to go.

He tells me to stop the car once we get to this big apartment building and I smiling a little. "Jesse, you didn't," I say.

"1st floor, that one there. The only one without curtains or porch decorations," Jesse tells me softly, "2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, living room, dining room."

"Oh my God!" I exclaim, my smile widening a little, though it disappears once I look over at Jesse who isn't smiling at all.

"You and Kitty can live here...I'll still come by once in a while to help with things...but I can't move in with you...not yet. I still need to learn to trust you again, Susannah," Jesse says quietly.

I remain quiet but nod my head. "I'm sorry it has to be this way," he says.

"I...I understand," I say softly.

We just kind of sit there for a moment before I reach into my pocket, pulling out his wedding ring. "Do you...uhm...want this back?" I ask.

"Yeah...sure," he says and I gently place it in his hand. He looks down at it for a moment before putting it into his pocket, not looking at me.

I let out a soft sigh before putting the car in reverse and heading back towards the dorm room.

"I supposed the apartment isn't furnished yet," I say, breaking the silence as we both get out of the car and go into the building, heading straight for the elevator.

"Yeah," Jesse says and I nod my head before walking in and pressing the button for the 3rd floor.

When we get into the dorm room, Jesse turns on the light and sighs. "I...I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight," he says and I immediately start to protest, telling him that I can sleep out here, but he shakes his head. "I can't sleep in that bed...where you...I just can't."

"Oh...okay," I say softly, fiddling with my hands for a few moments before I head to the bedroom.

"Goodnight," I call to him, glancing back at him before shutting the door, getting in bed, and falling asleep almost instantly, dreaming of when Jesse and I were happy and Paul just...didn't exist.


	19. Chapter 19

"Hey girl," Cee Cee says softly, hugging me a week later as she wheels Kitty into the new apartment

A/N: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for the wait!! Here's the next chap, enjoy! ((and ps, check out our other story, Breathe! ) )

**Chapter 19**

"Hey girl," Cee Cee says softly, hugging me a week later as she wheels Kitty into the new apartment.

"Oh my god, Cee Cee, I've missed you," I say softly to her, hugging her tightly and smiling.

"How are you holding up?" she asks, pulling back and looking at me worriedly.

I sigh and shrug my shoulders. "Just taking it one day at a time, I guess," I tell her.

"Well, I'm going to stay with you for a week or so..." Cee Cee tells me, taking Kitty out of the stroller.

"Thanks, Cee," I say, reaching out and hugging her again. "It's been really lonely."

"I can only imagine," Cee Cee says sympathetically.

I smile sadly at her and lean down, grinning at Kitty. "I've missed you too, my little Kitty," I say, kissing her gently on the forehead.

She yawns and I laugh, picking her up and walking over to the crib in the 2nd bedroom, putting her in it.

"Has he been here at all?" Cee Cee asks me and I nod my head. "For about five minutes the day I moved in. After that, nothing. No calls or anything," I say, sighing. "I guess it's what I deserve, right?"

"Suze, no one deserves this," Cee Cee says softly.

"Well no one deserves to be cheated on either," I reply, giving her that same sad smile.

She sighs before hugging me again, and I hug her back tightly, wishing that Jesse were here right now.

"I'm so glad you're here, Cee," I say softly, feelin the too familiar tears flood my eyes.

"Any time, any time," she says and I smile brokenly at her before going to put Kitty's stuff away.

--

A few days later, as I turn the shower off and wrap a towel around my body, I hear Cee Cee talking to someone in the living room.

Curiosity takes over and I tiptoe to my door, peering out through the crack to see her talking to none other than...Jesse.

"How has she been?" he asks Cee Cee as she hands him a cup of coffee and sits down on the couch beside him.

"How do you think she's been, Jesse? Awful," Cee Cee says to him sharply.

Jesse lets out a sigh and looks down at his coffee mug before setting it down on the coffee table. "What am I supposed to do, Cee?" he says softly.

"Try harder. Right now you're brooding," she says.

"She slept with Paul, Cee Cee," he says flatly, looking over at her. "I don't know how to get over that."

"The same way that millions of other people get over things in the world, Jesse. The same way Suze got over the fact that Paul got her pregnant and abandoned her," Cee Cee says.

"I want to forgive her and be with her and Kitty," he tells her. "But every time I even think about it...I see her and Paul together and it stops me."

"Jesse, please. Get over the hurt ego. I know I sound harsh right now, and I know you have every right to hate Suze, but it's not like she set out to hurt you! And what you're doing now is hurting her more than she could ever hurt you!" Cee Cee cries, and now I know why this girl is my best friend.

He chuckles softly and shakes his head. "You have a way with words, Cee Cee Webb," he says before his tone turns serious again. "Thank you."

"Any time," she says as Jesse stands up.

"I should be getting to class," he says, looking over at the clock. "I'll be back after."

"You better. Bye," Cee Cee says, leading him to the door, and I let out a sigh before walking back to the bathroom.

I blow dry my hair and straighten it before getting changed and going out into the living room. "Hey, Cee," I say.

"Hey you. So, I decided we're going out tonight. I talked to Jesse, he's watching Kitty for the night...we're going to a spa," Cee Cee says.

"Sounds wonderful, just what I need," I reply, smiling genuinely for the first time in what seems like forever.

"Good. Go pack an overnight bag, Jesse will be back here later tonight to pick up Kitty," Cee Cee says.

I nod in reply and go back into my room, packing a small bag before coming back out, still smiling. "What are you so happy about?" Cee Cee asks.

"I need this, Cee. I need to get away for a day and just...relax," I say, sighing.

"I know," she replies. "This will all be over soon, though, Suze...just you wait."

"I really hope so. I'm going to take a nap, wake me up when it's time to go," I say to her.

"You got it," she says, sitting down on the couch and turning the TV on as I go back into my room.

I leave the door cracked open a little as I slip into a pair of sweat shorts and a tank top, laying down on top of my bed and falling asleep quickly.

--

"Suze, Jesse's here...it's time to go," Cee Cee says softly to me as she shakes me awake a few hours later.

"Hmmm, okay...let me change," I mumble frowning, feeling slightly disoriented.

I quickly change into jeans and a light sweater before going out into the living room, smiling as I see Jesse in the doorway.

"You ready?" Cee Cee asks and I turn my head to see her waiting by the kitchen.

"You bet," I say, smiling and picking up my bag. "Thanks for taking care of Kitty, Jesse."

"It's really no problem at all," Jesse says, not looking at me.

I manage to smile before turning to Cee Cee. "We should get going," I say, forcing myself not to look at Jesse. This feels so weird, speaking to him as if we just met, as if we haven't been best friends since seventh grade and married for over a year.

"Yeah. Do you have everything?" Cee Cee asks and I nod, picking up my bag and my purse.

"Bye, Jesse," I say, my eyes flickering over to him and staying there when I see that he's looking at me. This is the first time we've made eye contact since that horrible day.

"Bye," he says, and then he looks away and I let out a silent sigh.

"See you, Jesse," Cee Cee says before linking her arm with mine and nearly dragging me out of the apartment.

"That was weird, Cee," I say, sighing as I get into the car.

"I know, honey, but things WILL get better," she assures me, sounding more confident than I feel.

"I really hope you're right," I say, smiling at her before closing my eyes and deciding that I need a nap.

"You seem really tired today, Suze, you all right?" she asks, looking over at me, worry in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine Cee...I've just been a little tired lately...it's probably the stress," I say to her.

She frowns over at me as she starts the car. "Well, be prepared for a stress-free weekend," she says to me. "Don't even think about Jesse."

"If you say so," I say, chuckling and putting on my sunglasses before closing my eyes.

"I do say so," she says, laughing. "Get some sleep. I'll wake you when we get there."

--

Jesse's POV

"Hello?" I mutter softly into the receiver, who the hell could be calling at 1 AM? It can't be one of my friends, because I'm not even at my own apartment.

"Jesse!" comes Cee Cee's frantic voice and I furrow my brow in confusion. "Cee Cee? What's wrong? It's 1 in the morning," I mumble in reply.

"I know the fucking time Jesse!" she says in an irritated voice and I nearly hang up on her, I'm not in the mood for this.

"Well what do you want?" I ask angrily, getting more irritated by the second.

There's silence on the other end and I let out a sigh of frustration, about to ask again when she speaks again in a small voice.

"I'm at the hospital, Jesse," she says softly. "We were in a car accident. It's Suze...she's..."

"Is she all right?" I ask, sitting up in bed immediately.

"She's hurt really bad," Cee Cee tells me, sounding like she's crying. "We've been here for hours and she hasn't woken up."

"The...the doctors don't think she's going to wake up, Jesse," Cee Cee continues.

"I'll be right there," I say without hesitation. I hang up almost immediately after and get out of bed, dressing as quickly as I can, now fully awake.

After calling my closest friend, Randy, to watch Kitty, I run back to the phone and check the caller ID; Cee Cee was calling from a hospital in Monterey, and I run out to my car.

My heart is pounding wildly in my chest as I run down to the car, praying that Susannah is all right.

I feel awful now for treating her the way I've been treating her this past week or so. Now I know why my mother always told us never to part with someone with foul feelings; because you might lose them at any moment.

I can barely start the car because my hands are shaking so much. I hardly spoke a word to her before she left for the trip with Cee Cee. I was going to wait until they returned to tell Susannah that I want all the bitterness to stop, that I still love her more than anything. Now though...it might be too late.

Somehow I end up at the Monterey General Hospital a couple of hours later and I practically run inside.

I immediately spot Cee Cee in the waiting room and rush over to her, hugging her tightly. "I got here as soon as I could," I whisper to her. "How is she? Any change?"

Cee Cee pulls back slowly, tears in her eyes, and for a moment my heart stops beating, I can't breathe...

"They're...they're saying that there's no reason she isn't waking up," she says in a soft voice.

"What? What does that mean?" I ask, confused.

"That's exactly what I asked them," she says, taking my hand and making me sit down. "And they told me that...it's like she's lost the will to live."

I slowly sink down into the chair behind me, burying my face in my hands. This is all my fault.

I feel her hand on my shoulder and I look up. "Can I see her?" I ask.

"Yeah, I think so," she says, "you might want to ask someone though."

As she says this, a couple of doctors walk up to us. "Is there any change?" Cee Cee immediately asks.

"No, I'm afraid not. Her vitals are stable...she's just...not with us," the doctor says.

"Can I see her?" I ask, my voice shaking. The doctor nods and leads me to Susannah's room.

I pause for a moment when we reach her room, not completely sure if I want to see her like this.

He opens the door for me and I just stand there for a moment before taking a deep breath and walking into the room.

I turn around and the doctor gives me a small nod before shutting the door, leaving me with Susannah.

My heart clenches as I see her lying perfectly still in the bed, hooked up to all sorts of machines. If it weren't for the steady rise and fall of her chest, I would have thought she was dead.

I slowly walk up to her, reaching out and brushing a stray piece of hair away from her face.

"Hello, querida," I whisper, sitting down on a chair beside her bed and reaching for her hand.

She doesn't respond at all though, and I let out a long sigh, running my thumb over the back of her hand.

"I..." I start to say, but I can't think of the words to express how sorry I am.

"Querida...I..." I whisper brokenly.

"Don't leave," I say simply, my voice choked with tears. "I...I don't know what I'd do without you."

Nothing happens though. Susannah doesn't move, she doesn't speak. The only sound in the room beside the sound of my haggard breathing is the steady beep of her heart monitor.

I close my eyes and let out a shaky sigh before opening them. I look around the room, noticing for the first time that there are two heart monitors. Wait...that must mean that she's...

That can't be possible...Susannah is on the pill...she has been ever since before the wedding.

Then I remember that one time that she forgot. A small smile reaches my lips as I remember that night but it immediately fades as I realize that we may never get another night together.

"Mr. de Silva? Visitation hours are over...they have been over, but seeing how you're her husband, we thought we'd let you in for a little while," the doctor says, returning.

"Can I just have a few more minutes?" I ask him, not taking my eyes off of Susannah's face.

"I'm sorry, Mr. de Silva, but it's hospital policy," the doctor says and I sigh, leaning forward and tentatively kissing her forehead before walking out of the room with him.

I look back at her as I close the door then my eyes wander to the two heart monitors. "Doctor, how is the baby?" I ask.

"Good, no signs of harm...I don't think she knows she's pregnant yet though. She's only about 2 weeks pregnant or so," she says to me.

"Two weeks," I repeat, my heart sinking. There's a chance it could be Paul's.

"Is there something the matter?" she asks and I quickly take the look of disappointment off of my face.

"No," I tell her. "What time can I come and visit her tomorrow?"

"Visiting hours start at 9 a.m," she says softly, guiding me back to the lobby.

"Thank you," I reply, giving Cee Cee a sad smile when I see her. "How is she?" she asks immediately.

"The same, I guess," I say sadly.

She lets out a soft sigh and nods her head. I put an arm around her and hold her close. "She'll make it through this," I tell her.

"Of course she will...she's Suze," Cee Cee says, and suddenly there's some tension in the air.

I sigh and sit down, burying my face in my hands. "I supposed we should find somewhere to stay for the night," Cee Cee says after a while.

"Yeah...we should," I agree, "I wonder if they have one of those...what are they called...Ronald McDonald Houses nearby..."

All of a sudden, the weight of what's happening crashes down on me and I feel tears in my eyes. "Cee, this is all my fault," I tell her.

"Stop blaming yourself, Jesse. Not everything revolves around you, you know," Cee Cee snaps, "...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"That's ok...you had every right," I tell her. "I just can't believe this."

"I can't either...one moment I was driving, Suze was taking a nap, and the next some drunk driver slams into the car on her side. Stupid idiot didn't stop for the red light," Cee Cee whispers.

"She's pregnant, you know," I tell her softly, looking up at her. "She has to wake up, if not for me or you then for the baby."

"Don't think about that right now..." Cee Cee says to me, "Let's find out about that house, and then in the morning we can talk about these things...where's Kitty?"

"With a friend of mine," I tell her, standing up. "We should call her mother and Andy."

"I already did...they're going first thing in the morning," Cee Cee says to me, gathering her things.

We're both quiet for a moment when I reach over and put my arm around her again. "Don't worry, Cee," I tell her. "She will pull through this." But even I could hear the doubt and worry in my voice.

--

1 Month Later

"Come here darling," I say softly as I pick up Kitty and hug her tightly. I haven't seen her for a couple of days now. This past month Susannah's mom has been staying in the apartment, looking after Kitty while I stay at the Ronald McDonald house, visiting Susannah every possible moment.

"Thanks for bringing her, Helen," I say to Susannah's mom, hugging her quickly before turning my attention back to Kitty.

"How is she, Jesse?" Helen asks, sadness in her voice.

"She hasn't changed," I say softly, running a hand over my face, which needs a shave desperately.

Helen nods solemnly and I set Kitty down on the couch. "I'm going to go visit her before visiting hours end," I tell her.

"All right, I'll be here when you get back," she says, picking up a magazine and I hand Kitty her bottle, kissing her quickly and squeezing Helen's shoulder softly before leaving.

"Any change?" I ask Cee Cee as I enter Susannah's room. Cee Cee and I have been kind of taking shifts visiting her. I'd rather be her all the time but she insists I need my rest.

"She opened her eyes a little while back, but then closed them after about the minute...the doctors say that's normal. She's probably having a dream and something big happened," Cee Cee says to me.

I nod my head silently as Cee Cee stands up. "I'll see you later, Jesse," she says, hugging me quickly before leaving.

"Querida," I sigh, softly, running my fingers through her curls gently.

No response. As usual. I sit down and take her hand, just as I did the day all of this happened. "Kitty's getting bigger everyday," I tell her softly.

"She's starting to try to crawl around...it's actually pretty funny, she just squiggles around on the floor with this determined look on her face," I say, laughing to myself.

"She looks so much like you," I whisper, looking up at her. "It's kind of scary how much she looks like you. It reminds me of when we were kids."

"Her eyes are a different color...but everything else is so you. Dark curly hair, humongous smile, wide eyes," I say softly.

The sounds of the machines beeping fill the room as I fall silent, stroking the back of Susannah's hand with my thumb.

I close my eyes and lean back in my chair after a few minutes, bringing my hands up to my face.

"I can't go on like them," I say softly, wiping my eyes as tears fall from this. "I want...no, I need you to wake up, Susannah."

"You have to...you have to for me, for Kitty, for this baby. I know you don't know about it yet...but you have to wake up for all of us," I say to her.

"I'm sorry for what I did," I tell her, taking her hand in mine again. "I regret it more than anything. I want to start over...I want you here with me again. Please, Susannah."

Nothing changes though. Nothing changes. I should be used to this by now, I mean it's been a month and all...but I'm not.

Not able to take just sitting here, I lean down and press a soft kiss against her hand before leaving.

I stop dead in my tracks at the door though, as I hear a soft moan come from behind me. If someone had been talking out in the hall, I wouldn't have even been able to hear it.

I slowly turn around, hardly daring to believe it. In the past month, I've been hearing things like this, hoping...wishing that she would miraculously wake up.

When I'm turned around all the way, I see Susannah, her face screwed up slightly as she lets out another soft moan.

I quickly shut the door and return to her side. "Susannah?" I whisper.

"Mmm," she moans again before slowly opening her eyes, squinting and blinking a few times before turning her head slowly to look at me, "J...Jesse...you're h...here."

"Of course," I tell her, a smile slowly forming on my face as I look into those green eyes that I never thought I'd see again. "Of course I'm here, querida."

"Water," she says hoarsely, reaching a hand up to touch her throat.

I nearly jump out of my chair, going around to the other side of the bed and filling up a small glass of water for her.

"Don't drink it too fast, querida," I say softly, helping her sit up a little so she can drink it.

"What...what happened?" she asks, her voice a little clearer now. "The last thing I remember is falling asleep in the car with Cee Cee."

"There was an accident, involving a drunk driver," I tell her softly.

She closes her eyes and nods her head before opening them again. "How...how long ago was that?" she asks.

"...A little over a month," I say, running a hand over her hair.

"Wow," she says, laughing a little. Her laugh turns into a cough, though and I hand her the glass of water again. "Guess...guess I'm not...too used to talking," she says slowly.

"You should rest while I go get your doctor," I say to her, though leaving her side is the last thing I want to do.

Her eyes widen and her hand finds mine. "Don't leave," she says and I smile down at her, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Don't worry," I tell her. "I won't."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Here you guys go It's a slightly shorter chapter than the others, but we like it nonetheless, enjoy!

Chapter 20

Suze's POV

Where is the freaking aspirin?? I wish this stupid headache would just...leave. I'm lying on the couch 2 weeks later, a cool rag pressed to my forehead as I reach blindly for my small aspirin bottle, the only stuff that the doctor will let me take.

I guess a lot of things changed while I was out of it in the hospital. First of all, my mom's back. She's leaving soon though, thank god. Second, I'm pregnant again. Well, that happened before the accident but whatever. Third, and most importantly, Jesse's back!

"What are you doing?" I hear Jesse ask, his tone amused.

I sigh, falling back against the pillow and looking up at him. "I'm TRYING to reach the aspirin," I tell him.

"It's on the floor," he says, kneeling down and picking it up, taking one out and handing it to me along with my water bottle.

I smile up at him and say, "Thank you."

He laughs and leans down to kiss my forehead. "You're welcome, querida," he says before going back to his schoolwork. It hasn't been complete bliss for the past two weeks like it was before everything happened with Paul, but it's getting there.

We're sharing a bed again, but nothing happens. It's better than when he was sleeping on the couch though.

I guess it's good that nothing happens, though, because I'm still worn out. Which is weird, you know, because I was basically sleeping for a month, but whatever. Every night, though, I have dreams about the crash and I know why I was out for so long.

Plain and simple, I didn't want to wake up. I know that probably makes me a horrible mother, but I didn't want to wake up to a life without Jesse.

I talked to Cee Cee about it and she told me she knew that was it. She also told me that Jesse was with me everyday that I was out, sometimes falling asleep in the chair beside my bed.

I don't know what to think of this sometimes. I mean, before the accident Jesse was so cold...and then all of a sudden, he forgives me? I keep telling myself that I'll ask him about it...but I'm nervous.

Cee Cee kept telling me to just ask him before she left a few days ago. She said that I shouldn't be nervous since we've been best friends forever and we love each other but...I just don't know. It seems like it's all water under the bridge. Would it be safe to bring it up again?

"Anything on your mind?" Jesse asks me after I take the pills and I hesitate a moment before shaking my head 'no'.



He frowns and kneels down beside the couch, looking into my eyes. "Yes there is," he insists, taking my hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing that can't wait," I say lightly.

"If you're sure," he says slowly, kissing my forehead lightly. Another thing: he hasn't kissed my lips yet. Just my hand or cheek or forehead or something. Sometimes...well, sometimes I think it's because he knows who kissed them last.

I sigh and close my eyes, pressing the cloth against my head a little bit more as I hear him leave the room.

There's a knock at the door before it opens and I see my mom. "Hey, honey," she says, coming over to the couch and sitting on the edge, taking my hand and squeezing it. "How are you feeling?" I shrug a little and sigh. "Fine, I guess," I tell her, not meeting her eyes. Of course, she knows right away that I'm not fine. It's a mother thing, I suppose.

"Tell me what's wrong," she says sternly, taking my chin gently in her hands and steering it in her direction.

I just sigh and shake my head. "It's not important, mother," I say, looking away again.

"It is too important, tell me Susannah," Mom says and I sigh.

"It's Jesse," I say quietly. "He was so...cold and distant before the accident and now...it's like nothing ever happened. I mean, I'm not complaining...but I'd like to know why."

"Ask him," she says without a moment's hesitation, "Suze, you're an adult now, you need to learn to handle things like an adult."

"I don't how though, mom," I tell her, getting a little frustrated. "Every time I think about it...I guess I chicken out."

"Susie, I'm leaving in 10 minutes...I can't stay here and hold your hand through this. Tonight just bring it up. If Jesse's the man I think...I hope he is, he'll give you a clear explanation," Mom says.

I let out a sigh but nod my head. "Thanks, mom," I say and she smiles, leaning down and giving me a hug. "You gave us all quite a scare, Susie," she whispers, holding me a little tighter.

"I'm sorry, I really am," I say apologetically.

"Sweetie, it isn't your fault," she tells me, pulling back and looking down at me. "Don't ever think that."

I nod my head slightly, taking a deep breath before hugging her once more and saying goodbye.

She goes to say goodbye to Jesse and says goodbye to me one last time before leaving. About half an hour later, Jesse comes out into the living room and asks, "Are you hungry, querida?"

"I could use a snack I suppose...maybe some cheese and crackers?" I suggest.

"Coming right up," he says and I smile a little and close my eyes, breathing deeply before letting it out and opening my eyes again, seeing Jesse beside me.

"Jesse what..." I start to say, but all words escape as he leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, his hand gently holding my chin.

He pulls back a moment later and looks down at me before kissing me again, this time with an almost desperate passion.

A small whimper escapes my throat as his tongue reaches forward, touching my lips, which pretty much part immediately for him.



I frame his face with my hands, not wanting this moment to ever end, this moment that I've dreamed about so many times since the first night I moved into this apartment, my first night sleeping without Jesse's arms around me.

"Querida..." he murmurs against my lips as he slowly moves so that he's on top of me.

"Jesse," I whisper, closing my eyes before opening them again and looking up into his. He just kind of stares at me before kissing me again, taking my breath away.

He moves his hand to the back of my head, pressing me firmer against him as he kisses me ardently.

"Let's go somewhere more comfortable," I say softly, pulling away from the kiss for only a second before kissing him again. Jesse doesn't say anything, just picks me up and carries me into the bedroom.

He gently sets me down on the bed and I smile into our kiss as I'm brought back to when we were happy and I think for a second that we could actually be happy again.

I let out a small gasp as Jesse's hands go under my shirt, slowly edging it up.

His hands are moving WAY too slow for a girl who hasn't been touched for over a month (granted I was asleep for most of that time, but whatever) so I sit up, pulling my shirt off before kissing him again.

He chuckles and in a moment his warm hands (why are they so warm??) are on my icy cold skin, driving me crazy with desire

I let out a sharp gasp and close my eyes, letting out a soft moan when I feel his lips on mine once more.

Somehow, I manage to wiggle out of my sweat shorts, tossing them aside as I wrap my legs around Jesse.

I feel him smile against my lips as I practically rip his shirt off. "Jesse, please," I moan. "I need you...you don't know how badly I need you."

"You're right...I don't know, why don't you tell me, querida?" he asks, a smirk on his face as he pulls back a little bit.

"When we weren't together," I tell him, panting slightly, still recovering from the intensity of the kiss. "It...hurt, how much I needed you." I feel tears fill my eyes and I SO didn't want to start crying, but it just happens. "It still does."

"Susannah...querida...don't cry," Jesse says quickly but I shake my head, wanting to continue.

"You were so cold," I say softly. "So bitter and cold and I thought you'd never forgive me. The way you looked at me sometimes...it almost felt like you hated me."

"I never..." Jesse tries to say, but once again I cut him off.

"I was so ready to just...give up," I tell him. "Move, go back to Carmel. Anywhere but here. I couldn't sleep at night without you here. Everything just felt so...empty."

"And then, all of a sudden, I wake up from that coma, and it's almost like nothing ever happen, you just did a complete 180!" I finish.

He doesn't say anything so I ask him, "What happened? Why did everything just suddenly...change?"

"It's not that simple, Susannah," Jesse says softly.

"Well, tell me exactly what happened then!" I cry in frustration.

He looks down at his hands before looking up again, not saying anything. "Please, Jesse, come on," I say. "I...I need to know."

He takes a deep breath before looking back up at me, taking my hand in his.



"The night that Cee Cee called from the hospital," he begins, pausing briefly before continuing, "Was like...the night my world ended. And when she told me the doctors said that you had...given up hope, I immediately knew it was my fault. Our daughter could have lost her mother and it was my fault, Cee Cee could have lost her best friend and it was my fault. I could have lost the love of my life and it was entirely, completely my fault."

This renders me pretty much speechless and I lower my gaze as he continues.

"I was wrong, Susannah," he says, taking my chin in his hand and forcing me to look at him. "I was so wrong for putting you through all of that hurt. I was hurt after what happened with Paul but...it was probably nothing compared to what I put you through."

"It's not all your fault, Jesse...I really screwed up...If I were you I probably would have been completely gone the first night," I say softly.

He laughs a little and says, "That first night was really hard. I went and drank myself out of my misery which actually just caused me more."

"I remember," I say softly, readjusting myself on the bed.

"I really wish none of this had ever happened," I whisper, looking up at him and kind of smiling sadly.

"I know, I know," Jesse says to me in a consoling tone.

"But it has happened and we can't change that," he continues. "And it's only made us stronger. I love you, Susannah. Probably more than I ever have."

"Really?" I ask him.

He smiles and nods his head. "Really," he replies.

I smile and he leans down and kisses me softly, his lips feeling like bliss against mine.

After that, there are no more apologies or regrets, only love. Love that I haven't felt in so long, that I've needed to feel.

When we make love, it's slow and tender and like nothing I've ever experienced in my life before.

It's as if we're discovering each other's bodies for the first time and everything feels wonderful and new. Not at all like the last time I was...with a man. But I don't think about that, or him. All I think about or care about is Jesse.

And thank god Kitty didn't wake up once during the night. It's as if she knew that tonight of all nights she needed to sleep in.

Jesse and I, however, do hardly any sleeping. When I do finally fall asleep, though, I no longer dream about the night of the accident and why I was asleep for so long. I dream only of the man I love.


End file.
